Fighting Sucks, But It's Necessary: Here's How To Fight Fair With A Significant Other

Fighting Sucks, But It's Necessary: Here's How To Fight Fair With A Significant Other

Because it's okay to be mad, and it's okay to be angry. But it's not okay to hold it in.

Being in a relationship for a year and a half has taught me so much about myself, my S.O., and how to deal with people in general. We all do it; we all raise our voice and fight, whether it's to defend yourself or just to straight-up tell them what the heck is wrong.

We hate it, we hate the drama (well, some of us do), and most importantly, at least one of us is scared to death to be broken up with. The other is scared to death to hurt them or see yourself out of the relationship.

But I'm here to help. Here's how to fight fairly and get the most out of an argument.

Listen up, I'm not the girl who's going to tell you to break up with them. I'm telling you how to fix it... really, REALLY, fix it.

Be completely able to see the other side. Even if you think it's dead wrong, seriously put yourself in their shoes and see what you would do differently before you freak out.

Understand what you could've done to prevent it and reiterate that to your partner. You have different minds, so do not expect them to think the same thing.

Stay completely calm. You love them right? So, don't hurt them. Don't bring up things that will hurt them, and if you're serious about what you're saying, say it calmly. The more you yell, the more it will hurt.

Leave the PAST in the MF PAST. You cannot live in the past your entire relationship. People change, things change.

You're not the same person you were a year ago. You are not the same person you were a month ago. You are not the same person you were a day ago. You are not even the same person you were an hour ago.

Leave the past in the past, I cannot say it enough. Fight about the present and speak about what is happening in the NOW.

DO NOT BRING UP BREAKING UP, unless you are completely and utterly serious. Just don't. Seriously. I'm warning you, no matter how large the fight is, breathe. Is this really what you want?

Have evidence lined up! Deadass, if you're seriously right, make your argument completely right. Call them out, but not until you are serious it happened, or that you have a legit reason to be angry.

If he cheated, know who with, when, where you were, where they were and most importantly, TRUST WHO IS TELLING YOU.

If you are assuming, don't. Odds are he loves you, and he wouldn't do it. Seriously, I hope you're wrong, with everything in me.

Apologize, again, if you're wrong and if you end up assuming out of anger. We all do it, don't stress. Be strong enough and be mature enough to apologize and admit that you are wrong.

You'll love yourself more, but most importantly, they will love you more.

Be able to move on. When the fight is over, be over it. If you're not, resolve the crap out of it until you get your justification. Close the chapter and get out your pen to write a new one.

If it's not meant to be, let it be. If you can't move on, maybe it's time to throw the person out. Maybe it can't be fixed, and maybe this is where you part.

It's okay to be sad, and it's okay to be angry.

Everything happens for a reason. Let that reason be to help you grow.

Cover Image Credit: Brooke Albright

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

An Open Letter To The Girl In A Toxic Relationship Who Doesn't See The Signs To Let Go

"it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing" -R.H Sin


Dear you,

I hope you're doing well. I once thought I was too. I once thought that if he would just change, for me, everything would work. However, my sweet girl, you should not have to change people, you should not have to push people to be better, for you. You cannot help anyone, that does not want to help themselves.

In the movies, we learn to love a bad boy that needs changing. However, it isn't always your job to be boys saving grace. However, his shaming and emotional abuse is not just something you should put up with so that you can love him. That is not loving.

Love is not a constant competition of who could belittle the other one first. Love is not asking for a hug and being told no. Love does not make you feel stupid for bringing up things that hurt your feelings.

Love does not grow angry because you talk to your mom about your feelings. Love does not body shame. Love does not constantly change the passcode to their phone.

Love does not laugh when you find out they're unfaithful. Love does not tell you that you are not smart enough to accomplish anything. Love does not force their hand up your thigh when the words "no" slip out of your mouth.

Love is the warmth of a hand on your cheek when you get anxious. Love is getting your backpack out the car for you. Love is turning around when you need them. Love compromises.

Love is encouraging. Love is proud. Love is forgiving. Love sees you for who you are. Love knows you are worthy.

God is your Father and you are His daughter, so do not believe for one second that this abuse is the love you think you deserve.

Love will not always be easy. Love will be challenging and a constant prayer to not anger so quickly.

However, do not mix up challenging with the abuse. If you are losing the good pieces of yourself, then it isn't love. I know that you put a lot of time and effort into this relationship, but it is no good, you are holding on to someone whose heart is not in the right place to love you.

I connected with a poem from R. H. Sin, once I left my toxic relationship which reads, "it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing."

Darling girl, you are so loved by so many people, do not let this relationship hold you back or make you feel less worthy than you are. I have always been the girl with her nose stuck up in the air smelling for smoke, to follow the trail to a burning house to find a boy that needed saving, but it is more than likely a boy that lit the fire in the first place and needs changing.

So, do not be me, be better. Be the girl that lights her own world on fire, for her work, for her family, for God. You are you and you are amazing, so do not fear being without him.

You will feel as if you have come up for air after drowning in an ocean that you had no idea you were swimming in.

The emotional abuse that this boy has put you through and maybe even physical abuse will leave you building walls around your heart. It will make other relationships hard, but you are so so strong.

You will meet someone that makes you so happy and feel so easy to love, you will never understand how you stuck around with the one that hurt you for so long.

You deserve to grow from this, and I promise you will.

Let go.


The girl who learned from a toxic relationship

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Being Far Away From My Boyfriend Actually Strengthened Our Relationship Instead Of Forcing It Apart

While we were apart, we became closer.


Before I really start this article, I just want to say that my relationship isn't truly a long distance relationship. We are both college students at the same university eight months out of the year, but the other four months we live quite a distance apart. Even during those four months, we are only about 150 miles from each other as the bird flies, but really about three hours from each other.

Being in a relationship where I'm not able to see my boyfriend every day or even every week has been a real challenge. But it's been a good challenge. It hasn't been a challenge because I've felt unfaithful or fallen out of love with him in any way. It's challenging because I miss him. We both work jobs and our schedules aren't the same and oftentimes we aren't able to talk to each other unless it's early in the morning or late at night. There are times when all I want to do is talk to him and tell him about how my day went and get a big bear hug from him. Unfortunately, I'm not really able to do this.

I firmly believe that being apart from each other for days, weeks, or even months have brought us closer than we could've ever imagined. We knew that this would be difficult, and we knew that there would be bad days, but we decided to power through it. It has made each time that we are able to see each other so much more special and meaningful.

Seeing each other has become more of spending time with each other than just laying around on the couch playing around on our phones. It's become really getting to know each other better and catching up on all the things we had missed. It's become a time for us to simply be in each other's presence and enjoy being able to talk face to face without a phone in the middle of us. We go on more adventurous dates, we take more pictures, and I think we would both easily say that we fall more and more in love with each other after each opportunity we have to spend time together.

Spending time together is no longer a daily activity, but it has become a right to be earned through hard work and several paychecks as travel can become expensive. We no longer take opportunities to see each other for granted, and it has made us grow closer because we aren't able to spend time together often. We look forward to the days when we won't have to worry about being apart but know that this is only a stepping stone in our relationship.

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