I Didn’t Find My Future Husband In College, But I Did Find So Much More

I Didn’t Find My Future Husband In College, But I Did Find So Much More

The point of college is not to find someone to marry.

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"You'll be the girl who dates in college."

That comment, made in passing by multiple family members as they looked back on my non-existent track record when it came to relationships in high school, echoed throughout my mind for four years. I believed them. I thought for sure college would be my time to date around, have some fun, but ultimately find the person I was going to marry. Although getting married in college was never my plan, 18-year-old me did expect to find the man I would one day marry and to be in a serious relationship when I walked across that stage come graduation day.

However, reality had something different in mind.

While I did have one boyfriend in college, I didn't seriously date much. I became known as a perpetual first dater — getting it to be something much more than dinner and a movie or a couple Netflix and chill sessions back in my dorm was a struggle. It took up until I walked across that graduation stage completely single, not tied down even causally by a guy, that I realized I didn't find my future husband in college.

It's hard not to feel down by this, especially when you have had so much of the American dream ideally shoved down your throat. Every time I watch yet another high school classmate get engaged or have a baby or even just stay in a happy and secure relationship, I feel like a failure, even with my degree.

However, here's what I have begun to realize — I may not have found my future husband in college, but I did find so much more.

The point of college is NOT to find someone to marry. It's not to date around. The point of college is to get an education, to secure your degree, to find yourself and figure out what you want in life. The mindset that I had, and that many others have, that has us walking across that stage after accomplishing A LOT feeling like we haven't done a damn thing because we didn't find someone to marry is toxic.

In college, I found myself. I found my talents and learned how to quickly align them with what I'm passionate about. I actually grew to love myself, something that was a long time coming. I no longer looked in a mirror and picked out every little thing I hated — instead, I saw someone who was beautiful and intelligent and strong, regardless of her flaws. This kind of growth is revolutionary and anyone who has known me for a long time knows it. I've come a long way, and I should be proud of this, not beating myself up for graduating single.

While there's nothing wrong with finding your person in college, that's not what we pay thousands of dollars for. College should be a time spent focusing on getting an education and developing the technical skills you need to succeed in your future career. You should focus on finding yourself and doing things that help better you. If you're doing that right, the right people will come your way. This doesn't always mean that you'll meet a romantic partner, because that's not what everyone needs to succeed and be happy. Finding yourself, loving yourself, and being proud of how far you've come means so much more than a ring on your finger ever will.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Am A Hopeless Romantic Living In A World Where One-Night Stands Are The Norm

It's the little things.

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In today's society, it can certainly start to feel like no one takes love seriously anymore.

Whether it's that one couple who has broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count, the two friends-with-benefits no one can figure out, your local womanizer, or just hookups in general, love and lust are a huge part of specifically college life and culture.

As a hopeless romantic, being part of a generation that "just wants to have fun" can be really frustrating, especially when you just want to find something real. It is so easy for people to put on a fake act just to get what they want and sometimes this can be extremely hard to see through. I'm sure we've all had some kind of incident with someone who played nice but had ulterior motives and the sad truth is that it can be impossible to recognize a person's artificiality.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I have always classified myself as such, and it has remained true. Sure, I can make the most of the freedoms I have as a single college woman, but deep down I just want to find my person.

I've had my fair share of letdowns, and I think we all have, but being a hopeless romantic makes it that much more difficult to get past the "what ifs" and fantasies that come along with starting something with someone new. We may already have our hearts set on a person when they decide they've gotten what they wanted and leave.

For me, I find myself caught up in the little things that someone does. I have always been someone who picks up on small details in situations, and sometimes this works against me.

I pick up on the small facial expressions that he may not even realize he is making; the ones that tell you when their guard has been let down, even just for a split second.

I pick up on the way he sits our two cellphones side by side on the nightstand, taking care to line them up perfectly as if that's just their spot.

I pick up on the short moments of laughter where he actually lets himself laugh and forgets about the act.

I pick up on things, and sometimes I end up hurting because of it.

When it comes down to it, though, I wouldn't change the way that I am. I wouldn't change the fact that I find myself in the search for more in a society that mostly only offers me less.

The trait that tends to hurt me most is also the one that I value most. Even if noticing all the little things is something that contributes to my own heartache, I love those moments. There is something beautiful about those tiny things shared by two people, even if the connection ends there.

Sure, it can be hard. But so can everything.

It's just a matter of finding the beauty.

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Dedicate Your Summer To Bettering Yourself For Yourself, Not Your Ex

Why waste energy on an ex who doesn't care about you anymore?

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I'm single for the summer (yet again, no shock there) but this summer there's something in the air that just feels different. It's the feeling of true acceptance of my single status.

Last summer I was single when I really didn't want to be. My heart with still holding out for a guy who wasn't interested in anything more than my friendship. It took me from late March all the way until Halloween to get over those feelings. However, while working through those tough feelings that summer, I came to enjoy my time on my own and not talking to anyone except my best friends. I didn't have to worry about when I'd get a text back, or if I'd be left on read, or who he'd be out with since I wasn't around. The only thing I needed to worry about was my paychecks and tan lines.

Sometimes after breaking things off with someone who you put so much effort into, whether it was a boyfriend, an almost relationship, or even a friend with benefits, it's easy to want to show off on social media and make them regret ever hurting you or ending things. Why? It's a nice little ego boost, sure, but after those few seconds of glee from the fact that you know they've seen and maybe even liked your picture or your tweet, or saw your story on Snapchat, do you still feel happy? No, you go right back to feeling like crap, whether you want to admit it or not. Stop making yourself all about them when that ship has sailed and start being all about you.

Your ex is off doing their own thing, maybe thinking about you, but obviously not enough to want you back in their life the way you used to be. They are probably out there finding a new person to take your spot because they don't have you at their beck and call anymore. If they're also showing off to show you how much better they are without you or to make you jealous...why are you still following them or still participating in this sick little game for attention? Grow up and block them so you don't have to keep seeing their posts, or be adult enough to stop if you're doing the same as well. If it's only you posting, chances are you just look stupid, so stop before you really embarrass yourself. I was that person, and I know first hand how embarrassed I am for acting the way I did.

Summer is synonymous for doing whatever the hell you want. Wear what you want, say what you want, and be the best version of yourself that only a high dose of Vitamin D can bring out. Your ex is an ex for many reasons. You have to set aside the summer for you and what benefits you only. Don't concern yourself with an ex who doesn't care in the least about you anymore. Coming from someone who posted thirst traps aimed at a specific person along with countless shady AF stories on Snap and Insta in the hopes that this one person and their friends would see it, just stop and save yourself the energy as well as regret.

We're all adults, it's time to stop the petty posts and photos. Post your thirst trap for yourself because you're a sexy queen who doesn't need anyone but herself. Once you start focusing on yourself this summer, instead of your ex, you'll realize just have great it feels to truly be free.

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