Gaslighting Is Not Love And No, You Are Not Crazy

Gaslighting Is Not Love And No, You Are Not Crazy

Don't let them take away any more of you.
929
views

Gaslighting is a form of psychological and emotional abuse that allows your partner to gain power over you through manipulation and lies.

You start believing you’re crazy for being upset by something they have done to you. You question your memory and sanity because they tell you they haven’t done what you say they did. You become so insecure and detached from yourself because you start to look at yourself through their eyes. You are no longer sure about what is true and what is false.

Gaslighting is often dismissed and ignored because the victim is led to believe that their situation is only circumstantial and that things will get better in due time. That is a lie and abuse is not equivalent to love. Gaslighting can happen to anyone and by anyone. It happens everywhere. It is publicized and joked about on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. We laugh at videos of couples gaslighting each other and call it “funny.” But gaslighting isn’t funny. Gaslighting should never be romanticized and if it is a type of abuse in your relationship, you need to get out while you can.

This form of abuse will leave you crying yourself to sleep at night because you’ve internalized all the negative things your partner has said to you. You no longer look at yourself the same because you start to believe everything they’ve ever called you. “Weak.” “Pathetic.” “Sad.” “Bitch.”

When you cry, you no longer show yourself love. You tell yourself that you ARE weak, pathetic, and sad. You’ve come to terms that the only love you will ever know is the love that tears you down and blames everything on you. You stop hanging out with people because you’re scared your friends will hate you as much as your partner hates you. But your partner has never even said they hated you. Instead, they ask why you say certain things, why you do certain things, and to stop saying and doing those things. They embarrass you in front of their friends and family. They call you out in public and around people who have warned you not to settle for a love that destroys you.

You can’t tell that this kind of abuse is destroying you. You do not know you are a victim of gaslighting until you come to terms with the fact that you have been lied to for so long. And when that happens, you will see that you are not crazy, pathetic, sad, or weak. You are not “too sensitive,” “jealous,” or “psychotic.” You were just wrong.

You were wrong to think that you are jealous and sensitive because your partner hurt you. You were wrong to think that you could find comfort in the same place that dehumanized you. You were wrong for ignoring the people that cared about you. But being wrong is being human and it isn’t human to gaslight someone. Although it hurts knowing you were wrong, it hurts more knowing someone could tell you to “shut the fuck up and stop crying” at 11 p.m. because they had work in the morning, but then go out until 5 a.m. with their friends.

What hurts is someone using all you have ever confined in them against you. What hurts is trusting someone who uses your weaknesses and insecurities as ammunition.

Although it hurts and you were wrong, healing starts with loving yourself. Healing starts with coming to terms with how things are and not how you wanted them to be. Healing starts with realizing you are doing the best you can, and that is okay. You are no longer subjected to gaslighting and that is your start.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

10 Soulful Luke Combs Lyrics To Get You Through That Bad Breakup

Breakups are tough, but Luke Combs is here to help.

3331
views

Breakups are very hard to deal with, whether you ended the relationship or your significant other did. The clock on the wall will cure it all and so will Luke Combs, so here's 10 lyrics to do exactly that:

1. "But the clock on the wall will cure it all, even though that ain't how it seems"

2. "You wrecked my world when you came and hit me like a hurricane"

3. "Whoever said it ain't the end of the world and you'll find somebody new, must've never met you"

4. "I picked myself up off the floor and found something new worth living for"

5. "Don't know what you got 'till it's gone, and you're out on your own. All you want is what you can't get back"

6. "And I ain't gotta see my ex future mother-in-law anymore. Oh lord, when it rains it pours"

7. "I'm one number away from calling you. I said I was through, but I'm dying inside"

8. "The second I left, I was kicking myself cause I knew I should've stayed."

9. "I didn't know then, but I sure know now that long neck iced cold beer never broke my heart"

10. "There's a lot of things in this 'ole world I can stand, but when it comes to losing you I just can't"

OMG, check these out

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

4 Reasons I Will NEVER Get Back Together With Any Of My Ex-Boyfriends

It's your loss babe, not mine.

498
views

For being so young I have gone through so much unfair and unnecessary pain because I tried to find love too quick. I have not had one relationship end on good terms and I wish I could say it was all their fault, but I cannot help but to believe there must be something I am doing wrong.

In this generation, people say "I love you" too fast and goodbye too soon. We millennials put all our passion in the beginning of things, forgetting there are greater ends to be discovered. My soul has beaten down, broken, and lost to multiple men that I believed had true intentions. Even though I have never had a good relationship, to be extremely honest, if I knew when I was younger who would break my heart I would never try to change it.

Somedays, like the day I am writing this on, I feel empty and lost because of the suffering that I have experienced and I feel as though I will never be good enough and never find complete happiness. On other days I rejoice because the men that have broken my heart have humbled me. I am loathsome and grateful for them and my experiences with them all at the same time.

Although there are saddening times and certain things that I miss about my exes I will never get back together with any of them for four reasons.

1. Immaturity.

I started dating when I was 13. My first real boyfriend, and what I thought at the time to be first my first real love, broke up with me through text on New Year's Eve. My 13-year-old self was devastated and thought my entire world was ending. Clearly, that is an experience I remember and tell because the kids in middle school and junior high really believe that they are with their forever person, but they have a huge awakening because immaturity does not go well with relationships.

2. Cheating.

Getting cheated on broke my entire image of myself and I couldn't find one good quality about myself because I truly believed that if there was one that he would not have done it. I was wrong, and I wish the day that I found out he had cheated on me that I would not have begged for him to stay with me. After choosing another girl over me I should have realized he is and never will be the truly good man I need and he does not deserve the woman I am.

3. We changed.

I'm not completely the same person I was three months again, let alone 2 years again, and honestly, neither is he. Growing apart is not a bad thing, it is something that just happens naturally. Years later, when we speak, I may not laugh at the same jokes anymore and I may not smile at the same things that I did when I was 16. We both have been with other people and have seen and done new things, there is nothing wrong with that. It is just simply moving on. As Sam Waterson said, "If you're not moving forward, you're falling back." I chose to move forward with my life over falling back into my toxic relationships and for that, I have changed into someone I love and someone they will never have again.

4. You let me down.

I have two expectations of men when it comes to dating, to be loyal and to be loving. A relationship is nothing without trust and giving the same energy back that you put in. That is completely what all my past relationships have lacked. My exes have let me down because they could not fill my expectations that should be what is in any normal, healthy relationship. In today's world, everyone has commitment issues and not many people know how to let themselves just fall. That is devastating for the people that do because they, like myself, get hurt and are made to feel it's their fault.

To everyone I've dated or talked to, thank you for breaking my heart and showing me that you are exactly what I do not need in my life.

OMG, check these out

Facebook Comments