About two months ago, I wrote an article slamming those who dared to call ghosting “abusive.” It was very in the moment. Admittedly, I had grown sick and tired of people who were happy to jump the gun and call the slightest mean thing “abuse,” as it devalues things that are actually abusive.

I now realize that I was in the wrong for writing that article, not because all ghosting is abusive, but because I failed to adequately distinguish between ghosting a stranger and ghosting a partner.

I still think that ghosting isn’t abusive, but only in the case where you decide to nope out of a stranger’s life. If you ghost your partner or your friends, you’re definitely being abusive, and here’s why.

When you sign up to be in a committed relationship with someone, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship, you are consenting to give that other person a certain amount of your time, attention, and communication. Of course, you’re allowed alone time or space from this person, but you owe them the respect of telling them beforehand when you need to step back.

In other words, you can’t just shut your phone off because you “just didn’t want to deal with” your partner or your friend. Not only will you trigger them if they have an anxiety disorder, but you will cause them worry in general, and you will also make the situation much worse than if you had just communicated that you needed to cool down for a couple hours.

Purposely ignoring or cutting contact off from your partner or friend just because you are mad or because you want to manipulate them to act a certain way for you is abusive, plain and simple.

There’s no way around it. It’s selfish, and if you notice that this is something that you do often, you need to start checking yourself and learn how to politely say that you want to step away from that relationship, whether that means “cooling off” for a couple of hours or ending the relationship altogether.

Now, ghosting strangers isn’t abusive.

I will defend that opinion to the grave.

It’s not abusive to cut contact randomly with someone you don’t know very well; however, it is immature. While ghosting might sound like a great way to tell someone “no” without actually having to buck up and tell them “no,” it’s actually incredibly immature.

I understand that in extreme cases, leaving without a trace might seem like the only option, but realistically, taking the easy way out of a potential relationship or friendship by ghosting someone is immature at best, even though it isn’t outright “abusive.”

To put it concisely, ghosting is riding a fine line between abusive and not abusive, and when it’s not abusive, it’s still incredibly immature, so you’re better off not practicing it in the first place unless your life is threatened.