To The Girl Stuck In A Toxic Relationship

To The Girl Stuck In A Toxic Relationship

We're too scared to leave yet too broken to stay, so we keep hurting each other and call it love.

3593
views

I get it, you're stuck. You feel like you're trapped in this bubble you call your "relationship." I'm here to give you what I believe is the best advice to help you, even though you have probably heard a thousand times, but hear me out. I was in the same exact position that you are in right now, just over a year ago. Stuck, confusing what I thought was love with abuse.

Please don't settle for this.

Don't confuse your idea of love with another person's manipulation and abuse.

No matter the situation, abuse is not a form of love, no matter how much they apologize or ask for repentance. Here's how it starts, you meet the person of your dreams, your "perfect" man if you will. They try to impress you, they swoon you with admiration and charming expressions to keep them intertwined in your mind. It makes you restless.

He told me I was beautiful, not like the other girls — that I was unique — and the color of my eyes reminded him of the "sweet color of caramel melting in that perfect summer heat."

The thoughts run through your head a million miles a minute. It's kind of hard to forget the person they once were. But that's what they want, that's how a manipulator starts their game. You fall for it anyway, you sink deeper into the depths of so-called love, or what might feel like it. It feels like any old fairytale relationship — the guy basically sweeps the girl off of her feet, she is surprised but loves the attention so she takes a leap of faith and decides to go for it because I mean, how could she even say no?

You start to notice the little things that irk you, like him slipping up and insulting you, but then he apologizes, and you forgive him, or rumors flutter around that he was seen with someone else, but he says that's a lie. By you forgiving him, a manipulator, he is taking it as fuel to his fire. He thinks it's okay and will continue to do it, or even get worse. Don't let it get worse. Because what starts as little insults quickly turns into constant belittling, cheating with no remorse, destroying of your self-esteem and breaking you from the person you once were, into feeling like you are smaller than a speck of dust with almost no self-worth.

No one should make you feel this way. You deserve so much more.

I fell for it all too. The cute texts, the unexpected gifts, the surprises, all of it. I believed it was a normal relationship. About six months in, I started to notice a few red flags, like little insults, some cheating rumors, you know, and I refused to believe that it was happening to me. I just couldn't be one of those girls that were in a toxic relationship. But I was, I just couldn't comprehend it until about three years in. Because I didn't want to realize it, though, my relationship continued to spiral downward and the red flags began to skyrocket. I would constantly come home crying, wondering what I did wrong for him to treat me this way, where did it all go wrong? This is a bad mindset-- it wasn't ever my fault. He manipulated me into thinking it was my fault. In the end, finding myself and being single has been better on my mental health and happiness than any relationship ever has been for me.

To the girl who is stuck in the same place, I was in a year ago, leave. Actually, leave.

Don't turn into that girl who is dating the cheating, manipulative, or abusive boy because it will make your self-esteem plummet. You deserve happiness, a positive mindset, and a clear thought on what love is. Sure, there are arguments and hardships, but love should feel easy. Leave after the first serious red flag. No one deserves for their image of love and happiness to be distorted because of a dumb boy. You still have so much to experience and so much life to go through, don't waste it on staying with someone who is negative and toxic.

Leaving was definitely the best decision I ever made. You could do it, too.


Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

6 Things You Learn Living With Your Boyfriend For The First Time, All Within, Like, 500 Square Feet

Love is patient, love is kind.

254
views

Last summer, my boyfriend and I were at a crossroads in our relationship.

At the time, we had been together for over a year and a half, and I had just made the decision to move seven hours away to Los Angeles to finish school. Realizing we didn't want to spend the next two years apart from each other, we made the huge decision to move in together in the new city.

While living with my partner has had its ups and downs, I've learned a lot about our relationship. Here are six of the biggest lessons I've learned while living with my boyfriend for the first time.

1. There is such a thing as too much time together.

Most of the time we can't get enough of each other, but there are times when we definitely need some alone time. Spending all hours of the day cuddling on the couch can feel super good sometimes, but in order to keep our relationship healthy, we have realized that it is important to have outside interests, hobbies, responsibilities, and friends. This just makes it so much sweeter to come back home to each other at the end of the day.

2. Our relationship won't always be "50-50."

In an ideal world, we would split all of our mutual responsibilities equally. However, the real world is messy, and sometimes one of us needs to pull more weight than the other. When I'm sick, my boyfriend has no problem doing the laundry and dishes and then lavishing me with back rubs in bed. And when he's working long hours or having a hard day, I will do the same for him. In the end, we both care and love for each other equally, and that's all that matters.

3. We have different ideas about cleanliness.

I'll admit, I'm a bit of a neat freak. My boyfriend is by no means a dirty person, but little things like leaving shoes and clothes lying around bother me a little more than they should. Part of living together has been learning to accept one another's natural tendencies, being patient, and compromising. While my boyfriend still has a tendency to leave things scattered about, he has learned to be more conscientious, and I have learned to relax (a little).

4. Having different schedules can be challenging.

While my days tend to begin pretty early in the mornings, my boyfriend works night shifts, so it can be difficult to schedule mutual activities together, particularly SLEEP. However, the longer we've been together, the better we've been able to accept these differences and work around them. I'm okay with the few hours cuddling in bed together each night, especially because I know this is only temporary.

5. Living together is surprisingly easy.

One of the best things I have found from living with my significant other is that it is actually REALLY EASY. Sometimes I'll hear those nightmare stories about couples who move in together, only to find out that their lifestyles aren't compatible at all. I've been really lucky to find someone who lives so harmoniously with me. For the most part, my boyfriend and I work perfectly together, and that's one of the ways I know he's a keeper.

6. Our relationship is only growing stronger.

Honestly, my boyfriend and I might as well be married already, because the more we learn about one another, the closer we become. I love living with my boyfriend, I love being with him, and I have a feeling that we'll be together forever. Cohabitation is a beautiful thing, and it's one of the most important ways to figure out or wants and needs in a relationship. I just feel lucky I've found my number one.

OMG, check these out

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

If He Says 'You Make Me Want To Be A Better Person,' Remember It's NOT A Compliment

No one should be relying on another person to make them better people.

bethkrat
bethkrat
37
views

A lot of us have been there; he smiles at you sweetly, gives you a look that could melt your heart, and you let yourself fall into the kindness.

He tells you, "you're such a good person; you make me want to be better."

Your heart is a flutter, you're drowning in the sickly sweetness of what you take as one of the nicest things someone has ever told you. It's so easy to read it as though it's an admirable thing for anyone to say, but the reality is, no one should be held liable for making you want to be a decent human being except yourself.

It's one thing for people to bring out the best in each other.

When you find your happy place in the company of the people you love most in life, that's one of the greatest things in the world. That example of the "bettering" of one another comes organically. But to only find a desire to be kinder, more selfless, more decent because another person is kind, selfless, and decent is putting way too much liability on the other person, and it means not taking responsibility for yourself.

By telling me that I'm the reason he wants to be a better person, he's putting me on a pedestal that I cannot possibly live up to all the time.

He's holding me liable for his desire to stop his negative behaviors rather than it coming from a true desire to be better. If being with me or around me is the only reason he's decided he needs to get his act together and start being a decent human being, I'm here to tell him that he should really reevaluate.

Because what happens when we break up?

What happens if we have a falling out for some reason or another, and I'm not longer in his life to "inspire" him to be better? His desire to be better disappears alongside me, because his desire never really came from his heart anyway. He go back to the same negative behavior that he had in the first place unless he came come to the realization that being a good person has to come from a real desire within.

I don't have the time to pander to people who can't take responsibility for their actions.

It shouldn't have to be my job to show anyone what being a decent human being looks like. His parents should have instilled that in him when they were raising him, and if not that, he should have been able to recognize elsewhere what kindness and decency looked like in other people so that he could emulate it himself. If he's a grown adult who says he didn't recognize what being good meant until he met you, that says more about him than it does about you.

The point of all of this is simple; it is an extremely important life lesson to learn that you are not responsible for anyone's actions and feelings except for your own.

You are not accountable for the decisions someone else makes, and that's the truth. No one is dating someone with the intent on raising him and teaching him how to behave or exist as a functionally member of society, and no one should have to.

I'm not saying it's a red flag to hear it. Often times it is said with good intentions and sometimes it is meant in the organic sort of way I mentioned before. But my advice if you're ever told this; think about it. Consider it a pink flag, one that makes you do some evaluating before you smile bigly and accept the comment as though it is a badge of honor.

Above all, hold people responsible for their own actions and don't let them make you feel responsible instead.

bethkrat
bethkrat

OMG, check these out

Facebook Comments