Just Because I'm A Lesbian Doesn't Mean I'm Gay For My Friends

Just Because I'm A Lesbian Doesn't Mean I'm Gay For My Friends

An LGBT+ label ruined some of my closest friendships.

I remember a month or so after I came out, one of my relatively close friends started distancing herself. We didn't get in a fight and she seemed very accepting when I told her I was gay. We used to get lunch together, go shopping, and have regular sleepovers but once I was out, all of that stopped. After making plans and having them fall through over and over, I finally asked her what the issue was. Her response soon became a sentence I would here way too often: "I don't want you to start liking me like that."

I was shocked. I explained to her that our relationship was strictly friendly and that through the years of me coming to terms with who I was, I never once had feelings for her. But her uneducated, ignorant mind was made. And I lost a friend that day.

"I don't want to sleep in the same bed when we have sleepovers."

"My boyfriend doesn't want me hanging out with you."

"I don't want to change in front of you anymore."

"I'm scared you'll develop a crush on me."

"I don't like girls. You know that, right?"

These are just some examples of the reasons my friends have chosen to de-friend me. They were worried I would "fall" for them all of a sudden, not knowing that I had been a lesbian the entire time we were friends. Not knowing that I never had and never planned on staring that them while they changed. Not knowing that just because someone is gay, doesn't mean they are attracted to every member of the same sex. Not knowing that my now public sexuality changes absolutely nothing about our friendship and more importantly, who I am as a person.

I am a lesbian. I am a girl who likes girls. Am I girl who likes every girl I see? Of course not. If I was straight, you wouldn't assume that I liked every male I came in contact with. Do I stare at every pair of boobs that come my way? Definitely not. Is it hard for me to control myself when I have sleepovers with my friends that are girls? No! My sexuality has nothing to do with my ability to control myself. You don't see straight girls jumping every boy that walks in the room.

The mindset of my "ex" friends is the same mindset that people have when they say LGBT+ couples shouldn't have or adopt kids. It is the same mindset of those who believe transgendered individuals are pedophiles and rapists. It is the same mindset of those who believe that being LGBT+ automatically diminishes your character and morals. It is hurtful, stereotypical, ignorant, and wrong. And it is sad that I lost friends over who I chose to love.

Cover Image Credit: Sam Manns

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

My Girlfriend Came Out As Transgender And Now He's My Boyfriend

And I've never loved him as much as I do now.

My senior year of high school I came out as a lesbian and started dating my first girlfriend. I was so excited to be out and was receiving tons of support from friends and family. Since then, I've had relationships with other girls.

But around two and a half years ago I met someone very special. This person's name was Desiree(Des) and they absolutely changed my life.

I have been fortunate enough to be Des' girlfriend for the past two and half years and it has been the best two and half years of my life. I have fallen completely in love and I am so lucky to be dating my best friend. A couple of months ago, Des came to me saying they were having gender dysphoric feelings. These were not new feelings, but this was the first time they were talking about them openly. I soon found out that these feelings went all the way back to about age 6.

The hurt and shame in Des' voice was heartbreaking. And I was hurting knowing that my love had been hiding himself for the past 21 years. Yes, Des came out to me as transgender that day. I once had a girlfriend that is now my boyfriend.

Now I'm sure the first question you have is "aren't you a lesbian?" and although my sexuality has nothing to do with this article and is none of your business, over the years I have realized that I am pansexual. If you don't know what that is, look it up. Now back to the real point of this article.

Des, born biologically female and raised as a girl, is transgender. Once identifying with she/her/hers pronouns, Des is now using he/him/his pronouns. Des is a man and I have never been more proud to be his girlfriend.

Can you imagine living every day of your life as the person you aren't? Being called a girl when you feel like a boy? Being forced to wear "gender fitting" clothing and hating what you see in the mirror? Now imagine feeling all this pain, and also hearing the horrible things that society says about transgender people and the LGBTQ+ community. Imagine knowing who you are but also knowing that people could hate you for it? That was my boyfriend's life for 21 years. And a lot of people live the same life as well.

But people who are transgender are not freaks and their feelings are not wrong. They way they feel is valid and their identity is true. And I am so proud of my boyfriend for having the strength and courage to live his best life as his truest self. I am so proud to stand next to him, hold his hand, and show the world what unconditional love is.

If someone in your life is trans or is questioning themselves and their gender, please support them. Show them you love them, work really hard to use their preferred pronouns, use gender-inclusive language, and educate others that are ignorant on the topic. They deserve respect and kindness and they are human just like everyone else.

Also, when Des decided to come out to his family, friends, and the world(social media), we decided to have a "gender reveal party!" We did this to be ironic since these parties basically reinforce the completely stupid gender stereotypes our society has plus c'mon, that's freaking funny.

Cover Image Credit: Ciara Gazaway

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Debunking 10 Myths About Bisexuality And Pansexuality

No, not all bisexual people are “confused,” and yes, pansexuality is a “real thing.”

As a pansexual queer person with many bisexual and pansexual friends, nothing makes me more frustrated and exhausted than hearing these ten harmful stereotypes, among many others, that are perpetuated within both straight and queer culture.

1. Bisexual people are just “confused"

Shockingly enough, people can in fact be sexually attracted to more than just one gender. People aren’t just gay or straight, and this is probably one of the biggest misconceptions that bisexual people have to face. Sexuality is so often seen as a binary, just like gender, when it’s actually much more fluid. Bisexual people can be attracted to two (or more) genders, and they can live happy lives being in relationships with more than just one gender.

2. Pansexuality isn’t a “real thing"

Yes, yes it is a “real thing.” Pansexuality is the sexual attraction to people of any and all genders, and it’s beginning to be more widely discussed, accepted, and celebrated within the LGBTQ+ community. I, someone who identifies as pan, exist in this reality, so pansexuality is real, too. My sexual attraction isn’t something I’m “faking,” nor is it something I want to.

3. Bisexual people are “selfish"

Just because bisexual people engage in sexual and romantic relationships with more than only men or only women, this doesn’t mean that they’re consciously choosing to “take” from other gay or straight people. Society continues to police bisexual people and pressure them into “picking a side” because it defines wanting to be physically and emotionally involved with more than a singular gender group as wrong and occupying too much space in this sexual binary.

4. Pansexual people are more confused than bisexual people

Pansexual people also know fully well what they want, and even if they don’t, it’s okay to explore parts of their identities— pansexuality can act as an open term for people with a fluid sexual identity or one that maybe hasn’t been fully developed yet. For the most part, though, pansexual people identify as such because they understand what it means and because it’s what makes them feel satisfied.

5. “Bi” means two, so bisexual people are only attracted to two genders

This is actually not true. Contrary to popular belief, bisexual people can be attracted to more than just people of the same and/or opposite gender. To many bisexual people, bisexuality can be more of a “catch-all” term to mean “two or more” rather than just “two.” Many bi people continue to identify as bi because they feel that this term best fits them to define.

6. Pansexual people are sexually attracted to pans

As a pansexual person, seeing or hearing this “joke” makes me want to yank my hair out. This isn’t “cute” or “funny,” and ending the perpetuation of this lie is long overdue. “Pan” means “many,” and it’s never meant sexual attraction to inanimate objects — specifically cookware. I don’t want a relationship with cookware — in fact, I’m in a happy, healthy, monogamous relationship with an amazing, supportive, handsome man, and I’m sexually attracted to him and people of any and all genders.

7. Bisexual people are more unfaithful than straight or gay people

Just because someone is sexually attracted to more than one gender, that doesn’t mean that they’re automatically going to be more promiscuous than monosexual people. Bisexual people are just as loving and faithful to their partners as hetero- and homosexual people. Unfaithfulness happens for a myriad of reasons, but being bisexual isn’t one of them; there’s no inherent likelihood for bi people to cheat more, just like there’s no inherent likelihood for straight and gay people to cheat less.

8. Pansexuality is just a “fad"

Probably one of the most hurtful things to hear is that pansexuality, in and of itself, is “myth.” How would you feel if someone said that an integral part of your identity was fake or not meant to last? The term “pansexuality” has come into wider use more recently than “heterosexuality,” “homosexuality,” and “bisexuality,” but that doesn’t mean that the concept itself is new; it hasn’t been until now that we’ve begun to openly examine, understand, and give a name to it.

9. Bi-erasure isn’t something that bisexual people actually deal with

Bi-erasure, and more broadly multisexuality-erasure, is actually a very prevalent issue both within and outside of the LGBTQ+ community. Bisexual people are, sadly, often alienated by both straight and gay culture because they don’t fit within these very rigid binaries. Either they aren’t “straight enough” or “gay enough” to be accepted within these social groups. Bisexual people can’t be dissected like this though because they exist within their own, respective identities.

10. Pansexuality and bisexuality are the same thing

Yes, I did say before that bisexuality can be more of an umbrella identity representing “two or more,” but bisexuality and pansexuality aren’t the same. Bisexual people can only be attracted to two genders, which doesn’t fall into the definition of pansexuality, or the attraction to all genders. Bi- and pansexual people also discover for themselves which identity they relate to more, hence why there are multiple, unique terms for multisexuality.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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