If You THINK You're Too Dependent On Your Boyfriend, You Probably Are

If You THINK You're Too Dependent On Your Boyfriend, You Probably Are

Depend on yourself before you depend on him.

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Don't get me wrong, having a boyfriend and being in love is an incredible feeling.

But when you depend on your boyfriend for everything and forget how to do things on your own, it becomes a major problem. You might not see it but your family and friends do. Yes, he's your boyfriend and of course, you want to spend every single second with him but you can't carry him around in the back of your pocket for the rest of your life. So here's to the girls who are too dependent on your boyfriends, I think you girls might want to hear this.

First and foremost, I completely understand what it's like to be in love and want to spend every second with your boyfriend. I get that he is one of your best friends, one of the people you can trust the most, one of the sources of your happiness, one of your stress-relievers, one of the things that brings you comfort, one of the people you can rant to for anything, one of the people that you can cry to about anything, one of the people that you want to make memories with, one of the people that you want to spend the rest of your life with and so much more.

Did you notice I said one of, for all that? He is just one of the people you can go to for all of that, not the only one. You have friends and family who can do all of that too. And trust me, we want to. While, yes, you might prefer him to those other people, it's still important to keep your friends and family in the loop of what's going on in your life and it's even more important just to keep them in your life.

When you choose your boyfriend over your friends and family for everything, you're slowly pushing them out of your life. I, and everyone else who's been where I have been, completely understand if you already have plans with your boyfriend, or if something is going on you want to spend time with him. But to blow off your friends every single time for him is a slap in the face to us. Or to invite him to everything we do is another slap in the face. Of course, as friends and family, we want to spend time with your boyfriend but it gets awkward third-wheeling.

Go out with your family and friends without him sometimes and make tons of memories, as you did before. Rant and cry to friends and family sometimes instead, we care about you and your feelings, just as much as he does... maybe, even more, when you guys are fighting. When you don't talk to or see your friends and family without him there, you're pretty much telling us that you don't like being around us and that by bringing him, it makes it more bearable for you.

With that being said, you have to let him do the same. You have to let him have time for his family and friends without you. It looks super weird that you follow him around like a lost little puppy dog. Let him have time with the guys, without you being there or showing up at some point. To tag along to every little thing he does isn't healthy. Tagging along to everything thing your boyfriend does, probably makes his friends, a little uncomfortable, especially when they want their guy time and you're the only girl and they don't want you to feel awkward or left out. Or his family wants to spend time with just him and catch up.

Do things apart from each other, so when you are together you have stories to tell and pictures to show them.

Speaking of doing things apart from each other. Don't let an amazing opportunity slip away because you have to spend time away from your boyfriend. Did I leave my boyfriend to do the Disney College Program, hell yes I did. Am I going to apply again in August or maybe January? Hell yes, I am. Don't be afraid to explore things without him, even if it makes you uncomfortable, because you never know when you might get a great opportunity again.

Learning to do things alone is scary, I get it. But don't base your schedule around his, I've seen so many girls do this and it just back fries in the end. Unless you have kids, you do not plan your schedules around him or know where he is at every single second.

You never know, one day he might not be there anymore, and if you're always with your boyfriend and forgetting about friends and family, you might not have them either. And then what? Who do you depend on?

I wish you all would learn to depend on yourself before you depend completely on your boyfriend for everything. You are capable of so many things alone. You might feel like your boyfriend completes you and makes you whole, but in reality, you were already complete without him. He's just an added bonus. Don't give up your friends, family, and life because you want to be attached at the hip. You might lose more than you gain by doing that.

This goes for couples who have been dating for all lengths of time. It could be six months or six years.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

6 Things You Learn Living With Your Boyfriend For The First Time, All Within, Like, 500 Square Feet

Love is patient, love is kind.

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Last summer, my boyfriend and I were at a crossroads in our relationship.

At the time, we had been together for over a year and a half, and I had just made the decision to move seven hours away to Los Angeles to finish school. Realizing we didn't want to spend the next two years apart from each other, we made the huge decision to move in together in the new city.

While living with my partner has had its ups and downs, I've learned a lot about our relationship. Here are six of the biggest lessons I've learned while living with my boyfriend for the first time.

1. There is such a thing as too much time together.

Most of the time we can't get enough of each other, but there are times when we definitely need some alone time. Spending all hours of the day cuddling on the couch can feel super good sometimes, but in order to keep our relationship healthy, we have realized that it is important to have outside interests, hobbies, responsibilities, and friends. This just makes it so much sweeter to come back home to each other at the end of the day.

2. Our relationship won't always be "50-50."

In an ideal world, we would split all of our mutual responsibilities equally. However, the real world is messy, and sometimes one of us needs to pull more weight than the other. When I'm sick, my boyfriend has no problem doing the laundry and dishes and then lavishing me with back rubs in bed. And when he's working long hours or having a hard day, I will do the same for him. In the end, we both care and love for each other equally, and that's all that matters.

3. We have different ideas about cleanliness.

I'll admit, I'm a bit of a neat freak. My boyfriend is by no means a dirty person, but little things like leaving shoes and clothes lying around bother me a little more than they should. Part of living together has been learning to accept one another's natural tendencies, being patient, and compromising. While my boyfriend still has a tendency to leave things scattered about, he has learned to be more conscientious, and I have learned to relax (a little).

4. Having different schedules can be challenging.

While my days tend to begin pretty early in the mornings, my boyfriend works night shifts, so it can be difficult to schedule mutual activities together, particularly SLEEP. However, the longer we've been together, the better we've been able to accept these differences and work around them. I'm okay with the few hours cuddling in bed together each night, especially because I know this is only temporary.

5. Living together is surprisingly easy.

One of the best things I have found from living with my significant other is that it is actually REALLY EASY. Sometimes I'll hear those nightmare stories about couples who move in together, only to find out that their lifestyles aren't compatible at all. I've been really lucky to find someone who lives so harmoniously with me. For the most part, my boyfriend and I work perfectly together, and that's one of the ways I know he's a keeper.

6. Our relationship is only growing stronger.

Honestly, my boyfriend and I might as well be married already, because the more we learn about one another, the closer we become. I love living with my boyfriend, I love being with him, and I have a feeling that we'll be together forever. Cohabitation is a beautiful thing, and it's one of the most important ways to figure out or wants and needs in a relationship. I just feel lucky I've found my number one.

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If He Says 'You Make Me Want To Be A Better Person,' Remember It's NOT A Compliment

No one should be relying on another person to make them better people.

bethkrat
bethkrat
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A lot of us have been there; he smiles at you sweetly, gives you a look that could melt your heart, and you let yourself fall into the kindness.

He tells you, "you're such a good person; you make me want to be better."

Your heart is a flutter, you're drowning in the sickly sweetness of what you take as one of the nicest things someone has ever told you. It's so easy to read it as though it's an admirable thing for anyone to say, but the reality is, no one should be held liable for making you want to be a decent human being except yourself.

It's one thing for people to bring out the best in each other.

When you find your happy place in the company of the people you love most in life, that's one of the greatest things in the world. That example of the "bettering" of one another comes organically. But to only find a desire to be kinder, more selfless, more decent because another person is kind, selfless, and decent is putting way too much liability on the other person, and it means not taking responsibility for yourself.

By telling me that I'm the reason he wants to be a better person, he's putting me on a pedestal that I cannot possibly live up to all the time.

He's holding me liable for his desire to stop his negative behaviors rather than it coming from a true desire to be better. If being with me or around me is the only reason he's decided he needs to get his act together and start being a decent human being, I'm here to tell him that he should really reevaluate.

Because what happens when we break up?

What happens if we have a falling out for some reason or another, and I'm not longer in his life to "inspire" him to be better? His desire to be better disappears alongside me, because his desire never really came from his heart anyway. He go back to the same negative behavior that he had in the first place unless he came come to the realization that being a good person has to come from a real desire within.

I don't have the time to pander to people who can't take responsibility for their actions.

It shouldn't have to be my job to show anyone what being a decent human being looks like. His parents should have instilled that in him when they were raising him, and if not that, he should have been able to recognize elsewhere what kindness and decency looked like in other people so that he could emulate it himself. If he's a grown adult who says he didn't recognize what being good meant until he met you, that says more about him than it does about you.

The point of all of this is simple; it is an extremely important life lesson to learn that you are not responsible for anyone's actions and feelings except for your own.

You are not accountable for the decisions someone else makes, and that's the truth. No one is dating someone with the intent on raising him and teaching him how to behave or exist as a functionally member of society, and no one should have to.

I'm not saying it's a red flag to hear it. Often times it is said with good intentions and sometimes it is meant in the organic sort of way I mentioned before. But my advice if you're ever told this; think about it. Consider it a pink flag, one that makes you do some evaluating before you smile bigly and accept the comment as though it is a badge of honor.

Above all, hold people responsible for their own actions and don't let them make you feel responsible instead.

bethkrat
bethkrat

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