If you are in your 20's and in a relationship, most likely you have heard differing opinions on whether we should give our boyfriends/girlfriends "husband/wife" privileges.

You probably have thought about it yourself when defining your relationship and drawing boundaries. Dating in your 20's is weird, and you will be unsure at times. So, what truly happens when you give your boyfriend/girlfriend husband privileges?

To clear up one small thing, I'm not saying dating is the same as marriage, I'm saying they should be different. There is a difference in dating, and marriage. Both are a commitment and that is what's commonly confused. It is popularly believed that the small gestures or actions that are meant only for husband/wife should not be done within dating. That does not simply entail a "sex before marriage" religious argument, it actually goes much deeper.

You're probably wondering at this point "what the heck is a husband/wife privilege?". These privileges entail going above the girlfriend/boyfriend "call of duty". It is believed by some that girlfriends and boyfriends should not be a confidant, should not be cooking for the other on the regular, should not be indulging in deep conversation, should not be helping the other with finance, should not be sharing struggles, and other things of this nature. It is believed that girlfriends and boyfriends are simply another person in your life that you spend time with and get to know, and crossing that boundary creates the "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" idea.

So, what really happens when you give your boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife privileges? You become vulnerable. You become so much closer to your partner as you are learning about each other. You share struggle and you are able to help build each other up. It is part of being a compassionate human being, and part of learning. Why wouldn't you want to be there emotionally for somebody that you love? Would you turn your cheek if your girlfriend was struggling and confided in you? If your boyfriend was struggling making ends meet one week, would you tell him tough luck because you're not married so it's not your problem? Of course not. You should be able to trust each other and help each other along all walks of life. So, when you give your boyfriend/girlfriend some of these husband/wife privileges, you are learning compassion, and you are learning how to be a good partner to another.

If a man or woman's ONLY incentive to marry you is so he/she can have sex with you any way that you want, so you will wash their clothes for them, so you will post photos of how much you love them on social media or so you will help them with bills, news flash, that is not the person you should be marrying. You should go into a marriage knowing that the person you are marrying is going to be there through thick and thin. That they are going to help you financially, and emotionally and physically because they want to, not because they have to because of a newfound title. There should be no doubt in your mind. That is why you should give these privileges. Giving your boyfriend/girlfriend SOME husband/wife privileges is important to a strong stable relationship. It is not a "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" situation unless you make it only about favors somebody can do for you, and not about an actual relationship.

So go ahead, cook for somebody you love. Share secrets, share struggles. Help them in all walks of life as you are learning about the person that you are potentially going to marry. As long as you draw a boundary that works for your relationship, nobody can tell you what privileges do and don't work for you.