Growing Up In A House With Domestic Violence Raised My Standards In Relationships Now

Growing Up In A House With Domestic Violence Raised My Standards In Relationships Now

Even without him realizing it, my father raised me. He set a standard for me as an adult.


I've never really written to the world about this. I would tell my friends, some teachers knew a bit, but I never mentioned it to the world...

My family was a victim of domestic violence.

It took me very long to write this out; hell, it took me a while to think about all the messed up, twisted things my father did to me and my family without me curling in a ball and crying. All the grabbing, burning, hitting, screaming and verbal abuse consumed me for a very long time, and yet I would go to school every day with a smile on my face as if everything was okay. Now I believe I am at the time in my life where I can write about it and not ache. Whenever I tell people, they look at me like I'm a hurt puppy.

I am stronger now.

My mom is stronger now.

My mom. She is by far the strongest person I have ever known in my entire life. She took years of beating, mind games and heartache for her children. She is now a single mom who raised three children, one who is graduating from high school taking five AP classes, one who is graduating from college with her Bachelor's degree, and another who just got married. All she ever wanted was for us to be successful, and not for any one of us to fall into an abusive relationship as she did.

So I'm careful.

I don't ever want to be in the same position that my mom went through. I'm more hesitant to open up to people. I have become a much more independent person so in the future, I don't have to rely on anyone anymore.

Growing up in a house of fear gave me determination. Seeing my mom work from the ground up, seeing her pray, seeing her not let her past consume her is inspiring. The biggest thanks I can give to her is my success and my happiness. Her knowing that her struggles and her pain did not go to waste. So I work hard every day: I go to school, I go to work, I do my extracurricular activities, I have weekly phone calls with my family, and I keep in constant connection with my therapist to make sure I am at peace of mind in my life. I know I can't do it all, but I strive to achieve greatness.

Growing up in a house where a man was so evil as to lay his hands on another person, any of us, made me realize that this can happen to anyone. I'm picky when it comes to my partners. I don't want to see a single red flag that my mother overlooked when she was my age. He may have that wonderful smile, but on the inside, he makes me feel like complete crap about myself and I will not stand for that. I want a man who will treat me with the respect I deserve and I am finally coming to the truth of what my self-worth is.

I am a passive person and that is because I hate conflict. I feel like if I just step aside, arguments and fights will not escalate but by doing so, I am giving the other person power. I am giving them the okay that they can step over me when they want to and I don't want that.

Negative verbal remarks will not stand with me anymore. Emotional manipulation will not stand with me anymore and above all, physical abuse will definitely not stand with me.

I've gone through a lot, I admit that, and that makes me vulnerable and over-analyze things sometimes when I don't need to but I am not sorry about that.

I am a strong, wonderful, intelligent woman and I will not let a man bring me down. I won't let anyone bring me down.

By growing up in a house with domestic violence, I have learned that even the ones that you claim to love most can still hurt you. The worst part is, they say sorry and you love them so much, you forgive them and then forget about it about until it happens again.

Well, I'm done forgiving and I most definitely will not forget.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

When You Feel Like Nobody Ever Likes You Back

Please don't let it break you.


It appears that I reached many people when I described how it felt to be single for 18 years (and update: it's almost 20 years now), but perhaps I can reach even more people when I explain the feeling when it seems like nobody *ever* likes you back. It's tough and it sucks. Maybe people feel this way about you. Or maybe you're in the exact same position that I am. Whatever end you're on, I'd imagine that you could relate or understand in some sort of way.

It's always fun to like someone new. We all love to fantasize about this new person, tell our friends (or enjoy the sneaky satisfaction of remaining cryptic about it), give him the Instagram follow (but you can't be the first to like his pictures so you wait to be the 23rd), get his phone number (and try *extra* hard not to text it too often), and gaze at a fresh face in class or at our activities.

We get that rush of happiness when he likes our Instagram pictures or when he answers our texts or when he views our Snapchat story or when he makes any type of effort to speak to us.

It's all fun and games. Until reality creeps in and so do our doubts and realizations that he probably doesn't like us back.

And I understand that feeling. We get left on open or read with no follow-up and freeze in our tracks. We see him flirting with someone else and our stomachs churn. And, worst of all, we find out he is in a relationship with someone else and we can feel our hearts physically sink. We begin doubting and hating ourselves and questioning our own intrinsic worth.

In the prolonged time I've been single, I've felt these feelings over and over and over again. And sometimes people can undermine the pain because it isn't a real break-up from an established boyfriend. But we still feel the breaking of our hearts and like our feelings are valid.

It's safe to say I've had to take many Ls in the relationship department, and I continue to take Ls, so I can (probably) relate to what you're feeling.

I've been explicitly told, "I don't like you back." I've tried to break down the touch barrier, but it would build itself back up stronger than ever. I've felt led on only to discover that the person was seeing someone else all along. Even today as a (nearly) 20-year-old, my doubts set in, my flirting efforts are either too strong or not strong enough, and I receive telltale signs that my fantasies will stay fantasies.

And you probably have been in similar situations or perhaps taken different Ls. And you feel ugly. And you feel unlovable. And it sucks.

But you're not. Please don't let it break you.

If you wouldn't place your self-esteem in the hands of the stranger at the bus stop, you shouldn't place your self-esteem in the hands of any one guy. Both the stranger and your love interest are individuals and don't deserve that kind of power. Some situations are not meant to be and that doesn't make you any less beautiful or amazing of a person. Everybody will only have one truly happy ending regardless of who they are. So muster up the strength to move on, and realize that perhaps the happiest endings require the most loss and heartbreak to get there.

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14 Song Lyrics That Say 'I Miss You' Just As Good As Blink 182

Because sometimes you want to say more than just "I miss you."


Music can speak incredible volumes that regular words can't reach. I use music all the time to describe how I'm feeling or what I'm going through. I use it most in my relationships, especially with my boyfriend. As a musician, him and I are always finding songs that describe how we feel for each other and the emotions we experience.

Saying "I miss you", sometimes can feel, almost dissipated. But song lyrics can *really* tell someone how much you actually miss them. These are 11 song lyrics that are perfect to tell that special someone you miss them.

1. "Wish You Were Here" by Avril Lavigne

"You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here"

2. "Far Away" by Nickleback

"That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you
Been far away for far too long"

3. "Hey There, Delilah" by Plain White T's

"Hey there, Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side"

4. "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith

"Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't want to miss a thing"

5. "Home" by Michael Buble or Blake Shelton

"Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just want to go home
Oh I miss you, you know"

6. "Faithfully" by Journey

"Two strangers learn
To fall in love again
I get the joy
Of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours

7. "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum

"It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now"

8. "Making Memories Of Us" by Keith Urban

"I'm gonna be here for you from now on
This you know somehow
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now
And I'm gonna make you a promise
If there's life after this
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss"

9. "I'm Already There" by Lonestar

"Wish I was in your arms
Lying right there beside you
But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight"

10. "Talking to the Moon" by Bruno Mars

"At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon
Tryin' to get to you
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too"

11. "All I Want" by Kodaline

"All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
'Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die as a happy man I'm sure"

12.  "The Few Things" by JP Saxe

"You're one of the few things that I'm sure of
You're one of the few things that I know already
I could build my world of
One of the few things that I'm sure of"

13. "Kiss Me Thru The Phone" by Soulja Boy

"And that's the issue, girl you know I miss you
I just wanna kiss you
But I can't right now
So baby kiss me thru the phone (kiss me thru the phone)"

14.  "Falling for You" by The 1975

"I'll take it one day at a time
Soon you will be mine, oh, but I want you now (I want you now)
When the smoke is in your eyes, you look so alive
Do you fancy sitting down with me maybe
'Cause you're all I need"

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