I Almost Killed Myself Because A Guy Convinced Me I Was Crazy

I Almost Killed Myself Because A Guy Convinced Me I Was Crazy

I am no longer holding on to what we had, I am holding on to the fact that I could be so blind in love to the point where I thought being right by you was more important than my own life.

Before I start, I want to say that I am okay and that this is nothing you have to carry or should carry.

I am okay with all that has happened, but what I am not okay with is the fact that I let you have so much power over me that I ended up hating myself. I hated myself so much that I wanted to die. I did not want to be who I was and I did not want to be a problem to you, myself, or anyone else.

For two years I was convinced I was a burden and now that I have a relationship with myself, I get it.

I get that I was right about you. I get that the way you treated me was a reflection of how you actually feel about yourself. You had me convinced that I was “crazy,” but I saw everything you did. I had never felt so lonely beside someone. I had never felt so ignored and unloved by someone before.

I would tell you what I saw you were doing and you had me convinced that I was blind.

That I was wrong for finding out. You had me thinking that I was crazy for knowing all the bad things you have done to me. You had me convinced that my memory was unreliable and that I was insane for believing what I was seeing.

I am no longer holding on to what we had, I am holding on to the fact that I could be so blind in love to the point where I thought being right by you was more important than my own life. I thought many nights that taking my life would end all that you were putting me through.

I do not wish that on anyone.

You knew I was brought into a family of divorce and infidelity, you knew what triggers my anxiety, and you knew what my biggest fears were - you did it all anyway. You used it all against me anyway. You chose to hurt me anyway. You did and are doing all the things you told me not to worry about. I was right, I was so right.

The only thing that made me crazy was not listening to my gut and getting out of there.

You told me once that I was like ordering something online and getting the wrong package. You told me how stupid and pathetic I was. You told me how much of a bitch I was every time I tried sticking up for myself. I somehow convinced myself that I was worthless and helpless because I could never do right by you.

Every time I would cry I would hear things like:

“This again?”

“Really Morgan?”

“You are too sensitive.”


The nights I would end up crying, you'd ask me to go home or tell me to stop because you had work the next morning. When we would go out you always made sure to point out something I was doing wrong. You made sure to tell me how “socially anxious” I was being.

You made sure to tell me how “weird’ and “awkward” I made things. Not a day went by that you did not find a reason to yell at me or tell me something about myself that was mean. I was finding myself apologizing for who I was every single day.

But it was not all bad. You were right, we did have some good times. But it is hard to remember anything good when I was drowning in so much self-hate and misery. Two years into therapy and I have finally come to the conclusion that my anxiety was never going to get better or controlled when I was with someone who made me hate myself.

I put myself in a constant state of stress and worry because I always felt like I was in the wrong.

Besides all that you put me through and all that I allowed, I hope that you are good. I do not say any of this to make you hate yourself because like I said, I do not wish that on anyone. I have told myself all the things that you never said to me and I love myself more than I could have imagined.

I am not crazy. I am not pathetic or sad.

Nor will I ever be a “bitch” for standing up for myself. I am not who I was when I was with you and I hope to never be that person again. My love has brought me so much relief in the past few months and I hope that you find love for yourself as well. That is the only reason why you treated me the way you did. You have more hate for yourself than you are aware of and all I want for you is the happiness you could not give me.

And although I am a fan of karma, I hope that you never go through what I went through trying to love you.

Cover Image Credit: Oscar Keys

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

10 Soulful Luke Combs Lyrics To Get You Through That Bad Breakup

Breakups are tough, but Luke Combs is here to help.


Breakups are very hard to deal with, whether you ended the relationship or your significant other did. The clock on the wall will cure it all and so will Luke Combs, so here's 10 lyrics to do exactly that:

1. "But the clock on the wall will cure it all, even though that ain't how it seems"

2. "You wrecked my world when you came and hit me like a hurricane"

3. "Whoever said it ain't the end of the world and you'll find somebody new, must've never met you"

4. "I picked myself up off the floor and found something new worth living for"

5. "Don't know what you got 'till it's gone, and you're out on your own. All you want is what you can't get back"

6. "And I ain't gotta see my ex future mother-in-law anymore. Oh lord, when it rains it pours"

7. "I'm one number away from calling you. I said I was through, but I'm dying inside"

8. "The second I left, I was kicking myself cause I knew I should've stayed."

9. "I didn't know then, but I sure know now that long neck iced cold beer never broke my heart"

10. "There's a lot of things in this 'ole world I can stand, but when it comes to losing you I just can't"

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4 Reasons I Will NEVER Get Back Together With Any Of My Ex-Boyfriends

It's your loss babe, not mine.


For being so young I have gone through so much unfair and unnecessary pain because I tried to find love too quick. I have not had one relationship end on good terms and I wish I could say it was all their fault, but I cannot help but to believe there must be something I am doing wrong.

In this generation, people say "I love you" too fast and goodbye too soon. We millennials put all our passion in the beginning of things, forgetting there are greater ends to be discovered. My soul has beaten down, broken, and lost to multiple men that I believed had true intentions. Even though I have never had a good relationship, to be extremely honest, if I knew when I was younger who would break my heart I would never try to change it.

Somedays, like the day I am writing this on, I feel empty and lost because of the suffering that I have experienced and I feel as though I will never be good enough and never find complete happiness. On other days I rejoice because the men that have broken my heart have humbled me. I am loathsome and grateful for them and my experiences with them all at the same time.

Although there are saddening times and certain things that I miss about my exes I will never get back together with any of them for four reasons.

1. Immaturity.

I started dating when I was 13. My first real boyfriend, and what I thought at the time to be first my first real love, broke up with me through text on New Year's Eve. My 13-year-old self was devastated and thought my entire world was ending. Clearly, that is an experience I remember and tell because the kids in middle school and junior high really believe that they are with their forever person, but they have a huge awakening because immaturity does not go well with relationships.

2. Cheating.

Getting cheated on broke my entire image of myself and I couldn't find one good quality about myself because I truly believed that if there was one that he would not have done it. I was wrong, and I wish the day that I found out he had cheated on me that I would not have begged for him to stay with me. After choosing another girl over me I should have realized he is and never will be the truly good man I need and he does not deserve the woman I am.

3. We changed.

I'm not completely the same person I was three months again, let alone 2 years again, and honestly, neither is he. Growing apart is not a bad thing, it is something that just happens naturally. Years later, when we speak, I may not laugh at the same jokes anymore and I may not smile at the same things that I did when I was 16. We both have been with other people and have seen and done new things, there is nothing wrong with that. It is just simply moving on. As Sam Waterson said, "If you're not moving forward, you're falling back." I chose to move forward with my life over falling back into my toxic relationships and for that, I have changed into someone I love and someone they will never have again.

4. You let me down.

I have two expectations of men when it comes to dating, to be loyal and to be loving. A relationship is nothing without trust and giving the same energy back that you put in. That is completely what all my past relationships have lacked. My exes have let me down because they could not fill my expectations that should be what is in any normal, healthy relationship. In today's world, everyone has commitment issues and not many people know how to let themselves just fall. That is devastating for the people that do because they, like myself, get hurt and are made to feel it's their fault.

To everyone I've dated or talked to, thank you for breaking my heart and showing me that you are exactly what I do not need in my life.

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