5 Things You Should Keep In Mind If You're Having A Hard Time Letting Go

5 Things You Should Keep In Mind If You're Having A Hard Time Letting Go

When we are stuck between letting go or holding on sometimes we forget about what is right

You've reached a point in your life where there is someone coming in and out of your life and you are not entirely sure that letting go is the right thing to do. You have gone to everyone you can think of for advice, but you are still stuck. But why do you think you are stuck? Because you think illogically that fate is bringing you and someone else together for the millionth time? Here are a few things to keep in mind when you question if it is time to let go:

1. They are exactly who they've shown you they are

One thing that we mistakenly do is paint our own pictures of those who have painted their picture for us. You see potential in someone who has shown you that they are not capable of having potential. That is what love does to us. When someone shows you who they are, open your eyes. Do not think that the love that you give them will turn them into someone who is better for you, that is a mistake. You wouldn't be deciding whether to let go or hold on if you knew your love could change someone.

2. Your love cannot turn them into a better person

This is a belief that many people hold. And I hate to break it to you, but loving someone into a better person is nearly impossible. Loving someone to the best of your ability for them to stop hurting you, is a lie that you have to stop telling yourself. You cannot have a close, healthy relationship with anyone if you think that your love can change them into a different person. If there is someone in your life that does not serve you or that you have to think of changing, you need to leave.

3. If they love you, they wouldn't put themselves in a position to lose you

Everyone's least favorite thing to hear. But it's true. Anyone who loves you will fight for you. Just because you haven't experienced that yet or don't see your self-worth, doesn't mean that you deserve to continue to suffer. Those who come in and out of your life are here to teach you something, and it can be the simple fact that you need to learn to let go. And yes, sometimes love has a way of finding their way back to you when it has matured, but that isn't always the case. Especially if this is the second or third time that you have had this conflicting problem with the same person.

4. There is no correlation between suffering and love

You have put yourself in a position to be a punching bag to those you love because you think being someone that someone else needs is what love is. Love is a lot of things but it isn't painful. Love doesn't leave you crying and guessing most nights if you are worthy of love. To be with someone doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice all that you are and what makes you happy, to make them happy. You can not let your relationship be an every day or every week struggle and call it love.

5. Stop letting your history with someone be the reason you stay

Just because you and another individual have been through a lot together does not mean anything other than what it is. You cannot stick around someone for years because of comfort and history, knowing that nothing will ever change. You have to stop thinking you can change the image of a situation. When you share a toxic, unhealthy relationship with someone you cannot keep thinking that all that you guys have been through is love. Stop thinking that the pain and heartbreak you two have caused each other means that you belong together. Stop blinding yourself because you have become comfortable with toxic and unhealthy behaviors. History is not a valid reason to stay with someone.

Cover Image Credit: Warren Wong

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

To My Best Friend Dealing With A Broken Heart, We'll Get Through This Together

I can't actually fill that void.


To my best friend dealing with a broken heart,

It won't last forever.

Your heart, scratch that—you—will heal. You're already strong, but you'll become tougher. You're already smart, but you'll become wiser. You're already sexy, but you'll become even more irresistible.

And I'll be here the entire time. I can't wait to see who you become.

It won't be easy. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that you'll be smiling and confidently strutting the streets by tomorrow. You have everything you need, but if your heart needs some time, take it. There's no rulebook. Honestly, I don't know how I got out of my rut, but I did and now I'm here. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I cried on end, but my support group–you–helped me through it one day at a time. Don't stress about what other people think—even me, forget my thoughts! Focus on you. What does your body need? What does your soul need?

I'm sorry. I wish I could take away this pain.

There's nothing that can compare to this feeling and I know I can't actually fill that void—no one can, other than you.

You never think it'll happen to you.

You had the future planned out. You shared your deepest darkest secrets. You both shared, I love you's and genuinely meant it. Of course, there were happy times. It was all real. I won't bash your ex unless you need me to (personally, I cringe anytime someone speaks badly of my ex... at the end of the day, I loved that man) but, just know, you did everything you could.

It wasn't meant to be and, one day, you will find your happily ever after. That love will be greater than anything you can ever imagine.

I'm not going to sit here and let you mope. The memories will never fade, but at this moment, forget about the past and the future, only the now. If you are angry, punch a wall, but steer away from feeling regret. Nothing in life is worth regretting over. It is all lessons-learned and adventures to remember later on.

This will pass and you will laugh about it. When I heard that for the first time, I wanted to scream, I could never laugh at the situation, but here I am now. You lost someone and that's never easy, but you've also gained so much experience.

You are gorgeous and breathtaking, you better start believing it because anyone would be so lucky to have you in their life.

Today, you start loving yourself.

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I Chose My College Because Of My Then-Boyfriend—We Broke Up, And Somehow I Have No Regrets

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.


When you graduate high school while in a relationship, things can get a little tricky. If you're not from a college town or if you don't plan on attending the one near you, you're faced with some pretty big questions.

Is the relationship worth it? Can we do the whole "long distance" thing? How will it work?

Three years ago, I faced these questions with some uncertainty. My plan had always been to go out-of-state for college, to attend the big university of my dreams. I had applied there, and I even got accepted to enroll. It was a pretty big deal to me to achieve even a fraction of what I had dreamed of for so many years.

However, I had a boyfriend. It was a pretty serious one, since we'd been together for a couple years before I graduated high school. He was older, already in college. He came home pretty often since the college he attended wasn't horribly far from our hometown and we made it work.

When I got accepted to that far away college, things got uncomfortable. It was pretty obvious that he didn't want me to go there and wasn't a big fan of the thought of being a long distance couple. So, I compromised. I chose to apply to a college just under an hour away from our hometown, similar to what he did, so that we could continue to date. We were serious about each other, so I figured it was a sacrifice I could make for the long run. I wanted to make him happier by staying close by.

That didn't really work, though. Our personalities were painfully different, but this was only really highlighted in a negative way when I moved away. I was outgoing, involved, and loved to make friends. He was pretty much the opposite, and being older than me, he wasn't very interested in doing the things I wanted to do. He would come up to visit, but never wanted to interact with any of my friends or really do anything exciting at all besides sit in my dorm.

For the first two or so years that I was in college, we fought constantly. I didn't come home enough, I was too busy, and I was friends with people he wasn't fond of. I had a job, I was in a sorority, and I was involved in several other clubs, so my time was spread pretty thin. On the weekends, I would go out to parties totally sober for my friends but I'd get yelled at for being there at all. All of my actions were policed as if he was a father instead of a boyfriend. I was miserable.

I was afraid to talk about it publicly, but my friends knew how miserable I was and that the love had been gone for a long time. I was stuck at this university that I didn't really care about, that was too close to home for me to really feel like I had even left the nest at all.

After nearly two years of misery, I finally left that relationship. It pissed a lot of people off, especially the people back home who were friends with both of us. But they didn't know everything, just one side. That's OK, though. I really didn't care, because I was finally taking my life back.

I may have chosen to attend my university because it was closer to a boyfriend back home, but I love it even more now than when I started. I was able to become involved in campus activities and organizations without feeling guilty anymore. I was able to hang out with friends without being yelled at and tracked like a dog. I was able to enter a new relationship that was healthy, loving, and bettered my mental well-being instead of hurting it.

I've been able to fall in love with my campus all over again. It may be close to home and people I don't really care about anymore, but if I had gone out-of-state or anywhere else, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't be in my sorority, or in my current relationship. I wouldn't be the best version of myself that I've seen to date. I wouldn't be this strong woman who finally learned her worth.

I used to regret my decision to attend the college that I do, but I don't anymore. It's my home, and no one can take that away from me. Thanks to my university, I've been given opportunities to grow as a leader, as a student, and as a person. I'm not the person I was in high school three years ago, that's for damn sure, and I couldn't be happier about that.

I don't necessarily think everything happens for a reason, but I do think that choosing the college that I did was a pivotal moment in my life. My high school relationship might not have worked out, and sure, college was a factor, but I'm glad that it didn't. My life is mine now, and so is my college experience.

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