Before You Decide That Your Heartbreak Will Last Forever, Read This

Before You Decide That Your Heartbreak Will Last Forever, Read This

Here's what I needed to hear in the midst of my most difficult moments.


"I'd rather be physically hurt than emotionally. Because you can put a Band-Aid on your finger, but you can't put one on your heart." - Unknown

We all experience moments in our lives when we believe we'll never find love. Or that we're completely unlovable, flawed, and destined for eternal loneliness — you're not out of the norm here. These beliefs tend to surface at the worst of times, when we have no other justification for what's happened: why we were rejected, why we made certain mistakes, why things simply didn't work out, etc. Simply because you think something, doesn't make it true. Remember that.

There is little else that hurts more than heartbreak. There isn't much that'll help you alleviate the immensity of the pain you're experiencing at the moment, but I promise you that pain simply doesn't last forever. Keep in mind that there will be a time in the future when you look back, and it doesn't hurt in the slightest. In actuality, you may be glad that you experienced this pain or that a relationship ended.

This is the point I'm at right now. Because all of the pieces I've worked my whole life for have somehow fallen into place, almost like magic — but it's not, I've simply forgotten all the pain it took to get to this place. I'm on track to have the career I want, I have wonderful friends, boyfriend, and golden doodle, and I pursue my passions on a daily basis. I still struggle all the time, but I'm happy — it can be hard to believe you can be overall happy and depressed, but it's simply that my moods are in the process of adjusting to a new reality.

If you've experienced heartbreak, you've probably obsessed about what happened over and over again. You've probably felt a lot of anger and resentment towards yourself and other people. You've probably looked back on your own actions with regret. That's all healthy to experience to a certain extent — it really sucks, but it's normal. Those reactions also dissipate with time to heal and move on from what happened. This isn't the "it'll get better" speech, but rather the "it'll never be as bad" speech. You'll feel more OK with what happened over time, and you'll learn from the experience.

You may be shaking your head at the moment, but I need you to take a moment to yourself to think or write down in a journal: What are you feeling at the moment? What do you want your future to look like? What does moving on look like? What can you do for yourself to feel even a little better right now and move toward that future?

It's OK to cry — in fact, I encourage you to express and talk to those you trust about what you've been feeling.

It's OK to be upset. It's OK to be angry. Don't try to push away all that you're feeling, but rather acknowledge it. Let yourself go over what happened completely and honestly, without blame or hope for going back to that situation.

Remember all of this, too: You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you completely. You deserve to be with someone who fulfills your needs and someone for whom you do the same. You deserve to move on from mistakes. You deserve to feel OK. You deserve to take as much time as you need to feel OK. You deserve to have love and support in this difficult time (you're not a burden!) You deserve love from yourself and love from a partner. You deserve to feel love and care — not just hear the words. You deserve to feel heard and understood. You deserve to be respected. You deserve your own little world within a relationship. Read this over how many times you want, and feel free to make your own list of affirmations.

I've been at the point at which the entire world crumbled on top of me, including heartbreak, and it seemed that I shouldn't live at all. And looking back, I'm so happy that I endured all of that pain so that I could enjoy the life I have right now. There are no guarantees in life, but if you give yourself a shot, there will be a time when this won't hurt you anymore.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

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11 Things Girls Do To Kill Their Relationship Dead

God forbid he likes someone else's picture.

1. Complain about your boyfriend liking another girl's picture

I get that jealousy and trust issues are a thing, but let’s be real-he’s with you for a reason. Really, a like is not that deep. Think about how many times you scroll through Instagram and blindly like someone’s picture. Also, you’d probably laugh if your guy complained to you about it. There is nothing more attractive confidence. Love yourself, girl.

2. Get mad at him for hanging out with his friends

Okay, I’m not talking about when he makes plans with you then ditches you for his friends. That’s mean. I’m talking about when you get mad that he chooses to go out with his friends on a Saturday night instead of you. Chill. Here’s an idea-go out with the girls. You have the rest of your life to be with a boy just like he has the rest of his life to be with a girl. Have fun with your friends while you have the chance! Separation is also healthy for relationships. You don’t need to be together 24/7.

3. Texting/Calling him multiple times in a row

If you’re dying, sure, call him. But also, if you’re dying, I’d hope that you’d call 911 first. Just because he is not responding right away does not mean that he forgot about you or doesn’t care. He’s just busy. The last thing a guy wants is to have his girlfriend blowing his phone up while he is trying to have fun or get something done. Also, it really makes you feel crazy, too. Just go do something to make you busy. He will reply when he can.

4. Tweeting about your problems

There is nothing worse for a relationship than social media. Tweeting about your problems just lets other people in on what is going on. Just talk about the problem honestly and in person.

5. Comparing your relationship to others

Every relationship is different. Just because Tristain took Debbie to “The Melting Pot” on Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean that you should get mad at Joe for taking you to “Applebee’s”. (Also, who doesn’t love half-priced apps and dollar margs?) You don’t have to be like anyone else. The important thing is that you spend time together.

6. Hating his girl-friends.

Hate to break it to you, but a lot of guys have girl-friends. I’m not talking about someone that they used to hook up with or someone that he just met. If he’s been friends with this girl for years, nothing has ever happened, and she knows about you, you’re probably in the clear. Freaking out and worrying about her will just put unnecessary stress on the relationship. Become friends with her! Who doesn’t want more friends?

7. Avoiding arguments

Simple. Don’t get mad at stupid things, but don’t let him walk all over you just because you want to be that couple that “never fights” and are “so perfect together”.

8. Choosing him over your friends

IMPORTANT! Trust me, if he’s the guy that you want to be with, he will encourage you to have some girl time. Don’t be that girl that goes missing every time that she has a boyfriend. Also, do not change your personality to try and match what you think he wants. The only difference that you should have when you get into a relationship is how you act around other guys (AKA, not flirting with them, unless you’re trying to finesse some free drinks.) Your personality and the amount of time that you spend with your friends should be the same.

9. Pointing out everything wrong with him

Newsflash, everyone has flaws. Telling him that he’s gaining weight or talks funny is just mean. Don’t think that you can be bossy and rude just because you are comfortable in the relationship.

10. Expecting things

If you’re mad at him, don’t automatically assume that he is going to bring you flowers and beg for your forgiveness. Don’t expect him to drive you everywhere. Don’t expect him to always take you out all the time. Be thankful when he does. Expecting things puts a lot of disappointment on relationships.

11. Going through their phone

All it takes is one guy cheating on a girl for her trust to be ruined forever. However, just try and trust him. This guy hasn’t given you a reason yet. Plus, imagine if he went through yours. Do you really want him to see what you text your mom and what your group chat is talking about? No thanks.

Cover Image Credit: taylormackenzie / Flickr

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