"I'd rather be physically hurt than emotionally. Because you can put a Band-Aid on your finger, but you can't put one on your heart." - Unknown
We all experience moments in our lives when we believe we'll never find love. Or that we're completely unlovable, flawed, and destined for eternal loneliness — you're not out of the norm here. These beliefs tend to surface at the worst of times, when we have no other justification for what's happened: why we were rejected, why we made certain mistakes, why things simply didn't work out, etc. Simply because you think something, doesn't make it true. Remember that.
There is little else that hurts more than heartbreak. There isn't much that'll help you alleviate the immensity of the pain you're experiencing at the moment, but I promise you that pain simply doesn't last forever. Keep in mind that there will be a time in the future when you look back, and it doesn't hurt in the slightest. In actuality, you may be glad that you experienced this pain or that a relationship ended.
This is the point I'm at right now. Because all of the pieces I've worked my whole life for have somehow fallen into place, almost like magic — but it's not, I've simply forgotten all the pain it took to get to this place. I'm on track to have the career I want, I have wonderful friends, boyfriend, and golden doodle, and I pursue my passions on a daily basis. I still struggle all the time, but I'm happy — it can be hard to believe you can be overall happy and depressed, but it's simply that my moods are in the process of adjusting to a new reality.
If you've experienced heartbreak, you've probably obsessed about what happened over and over again. You've probably felt a lot of anger and resentment towards yourself and other people. You've probably looked back on your own actions with regret. That's all healthy to experience to a certain extent — it really sucks, but it's normal. Those reactions also dissipate with time to heal and move on from what happened. This isn't the "it'll get better" speech, but rather the "it'll never be as bad" speech. You'll feel more OK with what happened over time, and you'll learn from the experience.
You may be shaking your head at the moment, but I need you to take a moment to yourself to think or write down in a journal: What are you feeling at the moment? What do you want your future to look like? What does moving on look like? What can you do for yourself to feel even a little better right now and move toward that future?
It's OK to cry — in fact, I encourage you to express and talk to those you trust about what you've been feeling.
It's OK to be upset. It's OK to be angry. Don't try to push away all that you're feeling, but rather acknowledge it. Let yourself go over what happened completely and honestly, without blame or hope for going back to that situation.
Remember all of this, too: You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you completely. You deserve to be with someone who fulfills your needs and someone for whom you do the same. You deserve to move on from mistakes. You deserve to feel OK. You deserve to take as much time as you need to feel OK. You deserve to have love and support in this difficult time (you're not a burden!) You deserve love from yourself and love from a partner. You deserve to feel love and care — not just hear the words. You deserve to feel heard and understood. You deserve to be respected. You deserve your own little world within a relationship. Read this over how many times you want, and feel free to make your own list of affirmations.
I've been at the point at which the entire world crumbled on top of me, including heartbreak, and it seemed that I shouldn't live at all. And looking back, I'm so happy that I endured all of that pain so that I could enjoy the life I have right now. There are no guarantees in life, but if you give yourself a shot, there will be a time when this won't hurt you anymore.