Stop Equating The Word “Single” With “Sad”

Stop Equating The Word “Single” With “Sad”

“The assumption that you can only be truly happy when you’re in a relationship is completely false.”

It seems like single people can’t catch a break. All year long, but especially around Valentine’s Day, single people (mostly females) are portrayed as lonely and sad, moping around their house in a robe clutching a tissue, longing for the day that their soulmate flies into their life and makes it ten times better. It’s become such an epidemic that single people even have their own holiday: Singles Awareness Day (which ironically spells out the acronym S.A.D.)

This image of the lonely single girl persists in movies too. How many movies involve a girl crying around because she’s been single for “too long” or feeling sorry for herself because she’s alone on Valentine’s Day?

It seems that the world, or maybe just those in relationships, see single people as sad because they lack their “other half.” As a single female, I am used to telling people all the time that I am not, in fact, in a relationship, since for some reason it’s a question people always ask. I, and other singles, always get similar responses that are honestly just dumb. My favorite two are:

“Aw, I’m sorry!”

The words and the tone they say it in are more appropriate in response to “I failed my math test,” “I didn’t sleep well last night,” or “They forgot to take the tomato off my burger.”

“Oh, why not?”

What do you mean, “why not?” I’m single because I haven’t found a guy I want to spend my time with yet. The answer is that simple.

In reality, the assumption that you can only be truly happy when you’re in a relationship is completely false. There are so many other things that can bring you joy, like a serving of your favorite dessert, time spent with family, a song that speaks to you, or heartfelt moments with friends – just a few of the millions of things besides an S.O. that can make you happy to be alive.

It makes me sad when single people feel sorry for themselves for being single. Not being in a relationship is nothing to feel sorry for. It’s actually one of the best times for you to figure out who you are, what you want, and where you’re going in life. You get to focus 100% on you, and that’s pretty cool. People will always come and go out of your life, but you are always going to be stuck with you, so you best get to know and love yourself.

Though I celebrate the single woman, I don’t want to be single forever: I am so excited to meet my future husband, make a home with him, and have someone to do life with. However, I refuse to “lie in wait” or mope around while I wait for him. There’s plenty of life to live before then.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I'm Not A Hookup Girl, And That's Okay

The days will pass, and I will think: this could be love.

“What’s your favorite place in the whole world?” I ask, breaking away from the kiss.

The boy I’m with has no words.

“What’s your best friend like? What’s your happiest memory?”

I look away from the unresponsive boy and run my hands over his skin, unable to meet his blank eyes. I know that’s not what this is. I know what I signed up for.

But that doesn’t stop me from hoping.

Every single time, I know what I'm getting myself into. And every single time, I hope that maybe, just maybe, this time, it will be different. That this time, the boy I am with will change his mind and want more and want everything.

That this time, I will be enough to change his mind.

The days will pass and my airways will tighten at the thought of him and the feeling of his lips on my neck will still light me up inside like flames to skin and I will think: this could be love.

It never is.

It's all just a lie I feed myself to keep myself sane. As he traces circles on my skin and I let him, just to bask in the warmth of another person’s body. As his lips meet mine and I imagine putting on his shirt in the middle of the night as I walk lazily into his kitchen to make some tea. As his hands go lower and lower and lower and I wonder why the only person I want to be with is the last boy I truly loved, who is not the one touching me at the moment.

This. This is never love.

It’s all pretend. But, my god, it is the loveliest pretending I have ever known.

How wonderful it is to belong to someone. To have a home, even if it's just for a night. How wonderful it is to let myself go under and believe that this could be it. That this could be constant. That these could be the arms I could run to at the end of a trying day.

How lovely. How wonderful. How gut-wrenchingly, heartbreakingly false.

When it comes down to it, I know I'm the one to blame. It’s my fault for looking for love in all the wrong places. I’m not going to find it in the drunken haze of a frat party or under the violet lights of the club or in the 3 a.m. text messages that say “come over.”

But is it wrong to hope that someone will prove me wrong?

Because I’m starting to realize that that’s what I want. I want someone to prove me wrong. I want someone to fall too hard because that’s the only way I know how to fall. I want someone to fight for me.

And I want it to matter.

I don’t wish to do anything if my heart’s not fully in it. Including my relationships. Especially my relationships. I care too much, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I want to know the little things, like their favorite place, and the big things, like that one moment when they got everything they ever wanted, and I want to know these things without wondering if they’re telling me all of this in hopes of getting together at the end of the night.

My happiness is not in the temporary bliss of hookup culture.

My happiness is in feeling my heart clench at the very sight of someone’s smile. My happiness is in catching my breath at the accidental brushing of fingers. My happiness was in him telling me about his family and his beloved high school memories. My happiness was in the prospect of something more.

My happiness is in the wait for what I deserve.

My happiness is in loving myself enough to stop settling for the wrong people.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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No, Your Attitude Has Never Been Cute

Somehow, having a terrible attitude and being a spoiled brat became brag-worthy.

I can't pinpoint when, but sometime between 2010 and 2018, being a brat became cool. It started out slow and barely noticeable.

I caught my first glimpse of it at prom; a girl's date wasn't giving her enough attention, so she sat down and pouted, ruining the dance he spent over $150 of tickets on to be there. From that point on, it only seemed to get worse.

We've all seen those posts on social media where girls brag about their attitudes. Those posts almost always go something like this, "lol whoever ends up with me is going to have to deal with my bi-polar a**."

Somehow, having a terrible attitude and being a spoiled brat has become brag-worthy. One day, for no particular reason, someone decided that they were proud of their shitty attitude and decided to let the entire world know, thus letting others know it was okay to act this way.

I think this trend is beyond stupid.

No, having a terrible attitude is not cute. In fact, it makes you an unbearable person. It's immature, especially when the bulk of women posting about it are in their early twenties. Grow up, and learn how to act like an adult who knows how to control her emotions and behavior.

When people see these posts, they're going to automatically make assumptions about your personality. Do you know what that does? It attracts the wrong kind of people. You're either going to end up with someone who acts just as much like a baby as you do or someone who will turn this act into something abusive. This goes for both friends and romantic partners.

I believe that you attract what you put out into the world, and if people are acting like this, I can see how finding friends is such a struggle.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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