How To Make Your Intentions Clear On A Dating App If You Want More Than Just A Hookup

Dating apps can be as daunting as sky-diving for some people... while others simply see them as a means to a fast hookup, with no feelings attached to anything said or done.

If you're going into 2019 single, dating apps are probably something you've contemplated downloading or already have. Some of you may just be on them for the fast, easy hookup scene and all the power to you.

However, more often than not, many of us don't want something like that. We want to find something genuine. How is that even possible in this day and age where dating seems to be a thing of the past?

Here are the best strategies to attract only relationships on dating apps:

1. Don't put your Snapchat or Instagram in your bio

This is how people you definitely did not match with will try to contact you and bombard you with questions as to why you didn't match with them. These people are relentless, so it's better to just give out your Instagram or Snapchat to someone you matched with that you see potential in.

2. Speaking of your bio, try to refrain from adding anything that could bring about what you AREN'T looking for

AKA pickup lines or general statements with sexual innuendos. I would suggest putting some sort of funny line in there instead, like "send memes not dick pics" or mention a really cool feature about yourself to spark a conversation. A guy I recently started chatting with talked about how his eyes change color all the time, and that started a really awesome conversation. You can actually talk to someone about things other than sex, and it all results from both parties abilities to have genuine conversations. Your bio could be a great way to get those conversations going.

3. Choose photos of yourself that show an accurate representation of who you are

Want to show off your assets? Go for it, but don't make that the entire basis of photos that your potential matches are seeing, because they'll begin to make assumptions before they talk to the real you. Throw in pictures from your vacation in Spain or a group shot of you and your friends from Halloween. You should definitely include a photo of you with some sort of animal, whether it's your pet or a picture you snapped while at the zoo. I feel like a sexy pic paired with a bunch of pictures that show off your personality is a great balance.

Avoid having more than one picture of you with the opposite sex, because I know I find it very off-putting seeing a guy constantly in pictures with other girls.

4. If you think to yourself that this person looks like a douchebag, they probably are, so swipe left

I know we aren't supposed to judge a book by its cover, but I feel as though your gut can tell right away who's going to be a good match and who isn't. Some people just reek of snobbery, and just based off of their bio alone you can make a sound judgment that their desires on dating apps are the total opposite of yours. You know what you need in a person, and if they don't look like they will give that to you, swipe left and don't waste your time.

5. If you feel a conversation going south, don't force it

If you're struggling to keep a conversation going then just unmatch with the person, plain and simple. Are they only talking about sex? Do they respond with three words or less? Are they overall not what their pictures or bio made them out to be?

Cut. Them. Out.

Don't feel bad about it because they probably have countless other people they're talking to. Let's be honest. That's why, until you're both on the same page, you should keep your options open and your walls up.

6. Ask them what they're looking for sooner rather than later

This is something I should have done in past relationships and is something I am finally doing now that I'm getting back out there. I've found that a small handful of guys have asked me almost straight away what I'm looking for, which I respect. However, I think the conversation should be allowed to flow a bit longer before this question is dropped. Just because I may want a relationship doesn't mean I'll jump into one with someone because they want one too. You are allowed to be picky, but also try to be open to someone new who you may not usually go for. You're better off having this conversation sooner because it will save you from getting hurt in the end. Make what you want to be known and do not hold back.

The world of dating apps is at your fingertips, and I can only hope that you fight for the kind of relationship you want and deserve.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?


Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

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Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

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