19 Things You Can ACTUALLY Do To Have Better, More Meaningful Sex With Your Partner
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We're always looking for ways to improve our relationships and to make sure the spark doesn't go out, especially in bed. However, we often don't know what steps to take in order to achieve this. Here are 19 things you can do to spice it up, both in the bedroom and out of it, whether you've been together for two months or 20 years.

1. Take some time for yourself 

Get to know yourself; the baggage you bring into the relationship, what you like and don't like in bed, and what needs you need to be met. If you know what you want then you can move on to step 2.

2. Communicate openly

We hear it all the time: communication is the key to a healthy relationship. But it really is true. Instead of complaining to your best friend when your partner does something to annoy you, talk to them. Something they do in bed that you can't stand? Let them know. Something new you want to try? You'll never know unless you ask.

3. Increase the intimacy

Even the littlest things can be a major turn on. Rub their shoulders, scratch their backs, hold their hands, kiss them without expecting that it's going to lead to sex. Non-sexual intimacy and touching can be an amazing step to getting closer to one another, even with your clothes on.

4. Get away together 

Go on a quick trip, whether it's driving distance away or you decide to take a plane. Or even book an Airbnb a city over for the night. Getting out of your normal environment (especially if the new environment has a hot tub) can be a refreshing change for a relationship that's gotten caught up in routine.

5. Get away from each other sometimes too 

Every once in a while I notice that I need a quick 24 hour break from my boyfriend just to collect myself, run some errands, do laundry, and take care of anything else I've been neglecting. That quick reset period where we're not focused on each other and can take some time for ourselves works wonders for keeping us happy.

6. Ease into things 

Especially if you have all night and there's no fear of anyone walking in or being interrupted, take things nice and slow. Focus on foreplay and notice how their body responds. Sex should be an intimate experience, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well.

7. Seriously, communicate... even if it's in the middle of sex

Rather than pretend to enjoy something, say "Can I walk you through it? Put your mouth here and your hands there and when I do that, respond like this." This goes right back to knowing what you want and as long as you do, you can communicate that with your partner to make the whole experience more pleasurable for the both of you.

Even if it's not sex-related, if something comes up in the middle of sex, don't be afraid to say it out loud. Sometimes I think of something funny that happened that day, share it, and move on. It works better and lets you laugh instead of just being distracted by it the rest of the time.

8. Spend time together outside of the bedroom

Go on dates, grab food, drive places. Get to know each other on a deeper personal level. Know about their family and their interests, their goals and their passions. Knowing that you're dating and sleeping with a real, fully-rounded person makes the experience even more meaningful.

9. Embrace your own flaws 

Your partner has probably never thought negatively about the parts of your body you don't like. If they weren't attracted to you, they wouldn't be having sex with you. Learn how to come to terms with your flaws, which you can do by talking about them ("I don't want to do that position because I think I'm too fat for it") or just to ignore them and do what you want in bed, body size be damned.

10. Unplug

There's nothing more annoying than when my boyfriend's phone rings when we're on a nice date or, even worse, during sex. Turn off the ringer or, even better, leave the phones somewhere else entirely. Be fully present on the person and the moment.

11. Don't be afraid to take breaks 

If something doesn't feel right or you need to eat or use the bathroom or they're just taking way too long, don't be afraid to call it quits. Sex that you're not both fully enjoying isn't something that should be happening in a relationship and creates animosity and other negative consequences. You can always go for round two when you're both feeling up for it and hey, there's always tomorrow.

12. Do something special for your partner

Whether it's shaving your legs or giving them oral or buying their favorite snack for a post-sex treat, remind your partner that you care about them, even if it means by doing something you don't want to do all the time.

13. Shake things up 

Whether it's a new sex toy or playing with different fantasies, trying something new in the bedroom can be game-changing. And hey, if it's not something you both enjoy, it can be a once-in-a-while sort of thing or you never have to try it again

14. Don't make orgasms the goal

While it's great if both people get to finish every time, it's not a realistic expectation. There will be times when only one or neither of you finish but that doesn't mean the sex wasn't successful. As long as enjoyment and not necessarily orgasms is the goal, the sex will be great.

15. Don't force it

If a certain position doesn't work for your body types or you hate something your partner does in bed or you just can't get off a certain way, stop trying. It's a serious mood killer when something continuously doesn't work. Get back into a routine you know works for both of you or try something new but don't get caught up on the things that don't do it for you.

16. Make sex a priority

There will be days when you're too tired or too busy or just simply not in the mood but sex is of ten what sets apart romantic and platonic relationships. If you want to have better sex, that starts with actually having sex.

17. Ask your partner what they like and what they need 

Often called "erotic love maps", these include questions like

What felt good about sex last time?

  • What did we do that caused you to feel closer and connected to me?
  • What did we do that made you relax?
  • What did we do that turned you on?

What do you need to make sex better for you?

  • What do you need to feel in the mood for sex?
  • What makes sex more like lovemaking for you?
  • What are fantasies or thoughts you have during sex?

18. Be appreciative 

Both in and out of the bedroom, if your partner does something that you appreciate, especially if it's unexpected, take a quick second to thank them

19. Say "I Love You" 

There's a reason why we assign so much meaning to those three little words. Saying them just because (when you're ready, of course) can be a really powerful way to increase intimacy. Making sure you say them enough if you've been together for a while is also super important.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Am A Hopeless Romantic Living In A World Where One-Night Stands Are The Norm

It's the little things.

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In today's society, it can certainly start to feel like no one takes love seriously anymore.

Whether it's that one couple who has broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count, the two friends-with-benefits no one can figure out, your local womanizer, or just hookups in general, love and lust are a huge part of specifically college life and culture.

As a hopeless romantic, being part of a generation that "just wants to have fun" can be really frustrating, especially when you just want to find something real. It is so easy for people to put on a fake act just to get what they want and sometimes this can be extremely hard to see through. I'm sure we've all had some kind of incident with someone who played nice but had ulterior motives and the sad truth is that it can be impossible to recognize a person's artificiality.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I have always classified myself as such, and it has remained true. Sure, I can make the most of the freedoms I have as a single college woman, but deep down I just want to find my person.

I've had my fair share of letdowns, and I think we all have, but being a hopeless romantic makes it that much more difficult to get past the "what ifs" and fantasies that come along with starting something with someone new. We may already have our hearts set on a person when they decide they've gotten what they wanted and leave.

For me, I find myself caught up in the little things that someone does. I have always been someone who picks up on small details in situations, and sometimes this works against me.

I pick up on the small facial expressions that he may not even realize he is making; the ones that tell you when their guard has been let down, even just for a split second.

I pick up on the way he sits our two cellphones side by side on the nightstand, taking care to line them up perfectly as if that's just their spot.

I pick up on the short moments of laughter where he actually lets himself laugh and forgets about the act.

I pick up on things, and sometimes I end up hurting because of it.

When it comes down to it, though, I wouldn't change the way that I am. I wouldn't change the fact that I find myself in the search for more in a society that mostly only offers me less.

The trait that tends to hurt me most is also the one that I value most. Even if noticing all the little things is something that contributes to my own heartache, I love those moments. There is something beautiful about those tiny things shared by two people, even if the connection ends there.

Sure, it can be hard. But so can everything.

It's just a matter of finding the beauty.

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5 Movie Sex Scenes That Would Never Go Down Like That In Real Life

There's a lot of time, scripts, makeup, and lights that are involved in these scenes that make them what they are, unlike the sex that happens in real life.

Dr King
Dr King
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When I was a child, my idea of sex was confined to what I saw in the media — two people rolling around underneath the sheets of their bed. I didn't understand what was going on at the time until my parents had the birds and the bees talk with me, but still, sex was not something that was discussed regularly in any setting so I couldn't help but use the movies and television as my main source for sex education. When I was a teenager, I started watching rom-coms so my idea of sex expanded to a scenario where two people who loved each other effortlessly fall into a euphoric experience and then they live happily ever after.

Then something about the idea I had changed as I watched the series premiere of "Secret Life of the American Teenager," a popular teen drama from ABC family about a girl who struggles with being a mother in high school. One of the first and most memorable scenes of the show is when Amy Juergens talks to her best friends about what it was like to have sex for the first time. Her friends were ecstatic for her at first until she revealed her dismay, telling them "I didn't exactly realize what was happening until, like, after two seconds, and then it was just over. And it wasn't fun and definitely not like what you see in the movies, you know, all romantic and stuff."

I heard those words and was immediately taken aback. As a 13-year-old, sex wasn't on my mind much, but I couldn't help but hope that I could experience the magic I saw on screen. Then eight years later I have sex for the first time and I realized that what she said was right...not about the part about it not being fun, but more-so about the part that sex is not actually like what is depicted in the movies.

Here are five examples in movies that created unrealistic sex scenes for its viewers:

1. "Skyfall"



This steamy scene between Bond and Severine make shower sex look passionate and trouble-free, but do its expectations match reality? No. What they don't show you is the sting from the water getting into your eyes, the awkward positions your bodies have to accommodate with if there's a significant height difference between you and your partner and the fact that water is a terrible substitute for lube because it strips away the natural lubrication your genitals produce.

2. "No Strings Attached"



Sometimes there are those moments when you want to have sex, but you don't have that much time on your hands so you have to fit in a quick session before work in the morning, in between classes, or right before the kids come back home. Though Natalie Portman's "O" face is spot on, the main thing that makes her quickie with Ashton Kutcher's unrealistic is that she still manages to climax after 45 seconds without any kind of foreplay, lube, or toys involved. The female orgasm is still possible during a quickie, but in real life, there will still have to be creative measures involved so that enough stimulation outside of penetration is involved to get her warmed up.

3. "Fifty Shades of Grey"



As much as I enjoyed the playfulness behind Ana and Christian dipping ice cream on each other's bodies and licking it off each other, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at how over exaggerated it became. Yes, I understand that when something feels good, a moan or some type of vocalization will happen, but getting some kisses and licks on your thighs isn't going to have you arching your back like a demon going through an exorcism.

4. "Mr. & Mrs. Smith"



Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's chemistry and passion in this scene is undeniable and it almost makes you want to start a fight with your partner just so you two can have some hot, angry sex just like them. Here's the problem though. They go from nearly killing each other to being boo'ed up like nothing happened. While angry sex can be a way for some couples to express emotions through adrenaline, it isn't the answer to our problems and shouldn't be a substitute for healthy communication.

5. "Titantic"



The moment in the movie when Kate Winslet's hand slams against the door of the car and drifts down as we stare at her steamy handprint and secretly wish we were sleeping with Leonardo DiCaprio will always be a classic. However, this scene is still a scam for those who hope car sex is as passionate and heartfelt as that. Truth be told, there's limited space to feel comfortable so leg cramps are inevitable and sliding against leather feels awful on your skin. To top things off, if you aren't careful enough, you may get caught by the police and ultimately have to register as a sex offender depending on your state's laws.

I truly hope for the day that sex in the media is represented in more of a realistic way, but until then, we just have to remember to take movies for what they are. Acting. There's a lot of time, scripts, makeup, and lights that are involved in these scenes that make them what they are, unlike the sex that happens in real life. As a matter of fact, sometimes sex isn't romantic. Sometimes it's not a fairy tale. There are times when it can be mind-blowing and other times when it's awkward, funny, or simply not what we expect. Do I appreciate fictional sex? Of course. But mainstream entertainment should also take the time to show us more than the sex we supposedly fantasize about and also show us sex that we can look at and see ourselves.

Dr King
Dr King

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