If You Can’t Tell Your Boyfriend What You Like In Bed, Your Relationship Is Doomed

Sex is the foundation of a relationship. And so is communication. Put them together with a few sprinkles of trust and empathy and boom! You've got the beginnings of a great relationship.

You don't have to "go all the way" to be intimate. Sharing a connection is all you need, but both parties have to be on the same page. Are you receiving everything you want and need? Are you giving what he wants and needs? Are there sacrifices you both have to make to be sexually satisfied?

Sex makes you happy. A happy girlfriend makes a happy boyfriend, vice versa.

But sex can also be just... nothing. You've got to have "the talk" with the one you're doing the deed with! If you can't do that, then why are you even having sex? Are you even enjoying it or is it just two slapping bodies?

Sex (or sexual intimacy) is vulnerable. It can be scary, but your partner is your person, your best friend, the person who you are closest with. If you're shy about sex even with them, then do you really have a fully rounded relationship? Are you even ready for one? I can guarantee that your boyfriend wants the best for you. Wants to please you. Wants you to enjoy sex as much as you want him to enjoy sex. If he doesn't, then you deserve someone who will want to physically and emotionally please you in the way you require. Simply, call for what you crave!

Everyone is different, sex included. Some people like it rough, some people are vanilla, some people like to take control. Once you figure out who you are, talk about it with your boyfriend. I promise you that your relationship and your sexy time will be a billion times more enjoyable.

Tell him what you like and don't like when he goes down on you or when you're going down on him. If you have boundaries — anal? Handcuffs? Specific locations? Let them know, and touch on every little detail. The more specific you are on what spot you need licked, sucked, and teased, how you want to be kissed, what you want to be said or what music you want playing in the background. Whatever you need to get off!

"Dating is just a sex interview."

I wish I said that first.

If someone isn't getting what they lust for in bed, they're bound to get it somewhere else. Like this woman who cheated on her husband because he didn't go down on her. I'd never condone cheating, but I do believe in breaking up if your needs aren't being met. A conversation has to happen first, though. If you can't talk about your bedroom essentials than how will you be satisfied in life?

I for sure can't live with bad sex for my entire life.

Spilling everything you've got about sex helps to figure out if you and your partner can actually be together. It takes two to tango. If only one of you is satisfied, the entire partnership is unbalanced.

If you've got to start somewhere to balance your relationship, start with sex.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Movie Sex Scenes That Would Never Go Down Like That In Real Life

There's a lot of time, scripts, makeup, and lights that are involved in these scenes that make them what they are, unlike the sex that happens in real life.

Dr King
Dr King

When I was a child, my idea of sex was confined to what I saw in the media — two people rolling around underneath the sheets of their bed. I didn't understand what was going on at the time until my parents had the birds and the bees talk with me, but still, sex was not something that was discussed regularly in any setting so I couldn't help but use the movies and television as my main source for sex education. When I was a teenager, I started watching rom-coms so my idea of sex expanded to a scenario where two people who loved each other effortlessly fall into a euphoric experience and then they live happily ever after.

Then something about the idea I had changed as I watched the series premiere of "Secret Life of the American Teenager," a popular teen drama from ABC family about a girl who struggles with being a mother in high school. One of the first and most memorable scenes of the show is when Amy Juergens talks to her best friends about what it was like to have sex for the first time. Her friends were ecstatic for her at first until she revealed her dismay, telling them "I didn't exactly realize what was happening until, like, after two seconds, and then it was just over. And it wasn't fun and definitely not like what you see in the movies, you know, all romantic and stuff."

I heard those words and was immediately taken aback. As a 13-year-old, sex wasn't on my mind much, but I couldn't help but hope that I could experience the magic I saw on screen. Then eight years later I have sex for the first time and I realized that what she said was right...not about the part about it not being fun, but more-so about the part that sex is not actually like what is depicted in the movies.

Here are five examples in movies that created unrealistic sex scenes for its viewers:

1. "Skyfall"

This steamy scene between Bond and Severine make shower sex look passionate and trouble-free, but do its expectations match reality? No. What they don't show you is the sting from the water getting into your eyes, the awkward positions your bodies have to accommodate with if there's a significant height difference between you and your partner and the fact that water is a terrible substitute for lube because it strips away the natural lubrication your genitals produce.

2. "No Strings Attached"

Sometimes there are those moments when you want to have sex, but you don't have that much time on your hands so you have to fit in a quick session before work in the morning, in between classes, or right before the kids come back home. Though Natalie Portman's "O" face is spot on, the main thing that makes her quickie with Ashton Kutcher's unrealistic is that she still manages to climax after 45 seconds without any kind of foreplay, lube, or toys involved. The female orgasm is still possible during a quickie, but in real life, there will still have to be creative measures involved so that enough stimulation outside of penetration is involved to get her warmed up.

3. "Fifty Shades of Grey"

As much as I enjoyed the playfulness behind Ana and Christian dipping ice cream on each other's bodies and licking it off each other, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at how over exaggerated it became. Yes, I understand that when something feels good, a moan or some type of vocalization will happen, but getting some kisses and licks on your thighs isn't going to have you arching your back like a demon going through an exorcism.

4. "Mr. & Mrs. Smith"

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's chemistry and passion in this scene is undeniable and it almost makes you want to start a fight with your partner just so you two can have some hot, angry sex just like them. Here's the problem though. They go from nearly killing each other to being boo'ed up like nothing happened. While angry sex can be a way for some couples to express emotions through adrenaline, it isn't the answer to our problems and shouldn't be a substitute for healthy communication.

5. "Titantic"

The moment in the movie when Kate Winslet's hand slams against the door of the car and drifts down as we stare at her steamy handprint and secretly wish we were sleeping with Leonardo DiCaprio will always be a classic. However, this scene is still a scam for those who hope car sex is as passionate and heartfelt as that. Truth be told, there's limited space to feel comfortable so leg cramps are inevitable and sliding against leather feels awful on your skin. To top things off, if you aren't careful enough, you may get caught by the police and ultimately have to register as a sex offender depending on your state's laws.

I truly hope for the day that sex in the media is represented in more of a realistic way, but until then, we just have to remember to take movies for what they are. Acting. There's a lot of time, scripts, makeup, and lights that are involved in these scenes that make them what they are, unlike the sex that happens in real life. As a matter of fact, sometimes sex isn't romantic. Sometimes it's not a fairy tale. There are times when it can be mind-blowing and other times when it's awkward, funny, or simply not what we expect. Do I appreciate fictional sex? Of course. But mainstream entertainment should also take the time to show us more than the sex we supposedly fantasize about and also show us sex that we can look at and see ourselves.

Dr King
Dr King

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10 Unwritten Rules That You NEED To Follow For A Healthy Sexual Relationship

It's about more than knowing that no means no.

The college years are very allowing for sexual exploration. And while there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to experiment with sexual acts, you also have to be conscious of the dos and don'ts associated with that decision.

If you're in a sexual relationship, here are 10 things that you should definitely consider in trying to respect not only your own wishes but your partner's as well:

1. Don't make your partner feel guilty for declining sex

Being in a committed relationship does NOT in any way guarantee that you will have sex whenever one of you pleases.

Both partners must be in complete agreement that sexual acts can take place, and if your significant other declines, respect their wishes and move on. Don't try to guilt them into having sex with you, that is emotionally abusive and, technically, it isn't fully consensual if you had to force them to go along with it.

2. Don't claim that you're upset/angry/sad and will only feel better if you have sex

"Aw, come on, babe, my dog just died…can't you help me feel better?"

Honestly, if you would stoop so low as to use a recent tragedy or personal failure as an excuse to score, you probably don't even deserve the relationship you're in at all. Sex isn't a cure-all for your hurt feelings suck it up and find another way to feel better that doesn't involve your partner's discomfort.

3. You have no right to get unreasonably frustrated when your partner says no

It's OK to be annoyed if your partner continually refuses to have sex, but unless you can calmly discuss why you feel that way and reach a compromise, DON'T BRING IT UP.

And definitely don't whine about how much you miss having sex or throw a temper tantrum because they aren't in the mood. Whether it's one night or five nights in a row doesn't matter, it's less-than-ideal if you were hoping to get some, but you should be mature enough to accept that it's not going to happen.

4. You should care about your partner's satisfaction as much as you care about your own

So you're perfectly OK with letting your partner do all the work to ensure you get your fix of pleasure, but the moment they ask you to reciprocate, you claim you can't be bothered? If they were so kind to scratch your back, it's only polite and decent to return the favor and scratch theirs.

5. Know that getting carried away "in the heat of the moment" is NOT a valid excuse for not stopping when they wanted you to

While it might be physically difficult to stop right in the middle of what you're doing to pull back and cool off, it isn't impossible. Your partner asking you to stop should immediately snap you out of your aroused haze, and if it doesn't, don't resist when they try to push you away themselves. Nobody wants to hear your "heat of passion" excuse, pal — no means no.

6. Make sure your partner is comfortable with you discussing your sex life with your friends before you talk about it

Maybe you're new to the whole sex thing and want to tell your friends the gritty details of your experience of losing your virginity. Or maybe you just want to brag about how amazing it was. Either way, please confirm that your partner is 100% onboard with you taking your sex life out of the bedroom. Don't embarrass or hurt them (or yourself) by oversharing what shouldn't be talked about.

7. Don't use sex as a means of apologizing

Make-up sex should follow a meaningful verbal apology, not vice versa. It's OK if you slip up a few times with this only if your partner says it's OK that it happened. But don't neglect their desire for a genuine apology and don't think your bedroom eyes will erase any trace of a fight or argument.

8. Don't lie about having or not having STDs

It's outright disgusting and beyond disrespectful to lie to your partner about having or not having a sexually-transmitted disease. Not only do you risk infecting them, but you also demonstrate that you are a completely untrustworthy and deceitful person. You shouldn't be ashamed of your illness, and you definitely shouldn't keep it a secret if it could be harmful to your partner's health. And even if it ISN'T harmful to their health, if they ask, TELL THEM THE TRUTH.

9. Don't be offended if your partner asks you to get tested

Just because your partner would like you to get tested before having sex doesn't mean they think you've been promiscuous or irresponsible. All they want is the extra security and to confirm that you're healthy and won't transmit any infections. Believe me, there is nothing sexier than 100% safe and disease-free sex.

10. If your partner wants you to wear a condom, DO. IT. (and the same goes for birth control)

Guys, whether you're involved with a girl or another guy, if they would like you to wear a condom, please respect their wishes and do so. Sure, the sensation might differ if you've got it wrapped, but isn't that a lesser evil than an unwanted pregnancy or transmitted infection?

And girls, if you aren't ready to be pregnant, you should definitely use some form of birth control in addition to your man's wearing a condom. Condoms can break, but if you're on the pill, you've got a much weaker chance of having an accident —knowing that will definitely help you breathe more easily.

Remember: When it comes to sex, be safe, be smart, and always be respectful.

Cover Image Credit: Becca Tapert

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