7 Hurtful Comments That Sexual Assault Survivors Were Told After Their Attacks

7 Hurtful Comments That Sexual Assault Survivors Were Told After Their Attacks

"If you didn't meet him on the internet, it probably wouldn't have happened."

982
views

Trigger warning: sexual assault

Ignorant comments about sexual assault are not only unjustified but they are extremely hurtful.

Recently, comments about the dancers in Cardi B's Grammy performance created some serious fury. Comments like: "Wow, look at the way those girls are dancing! They are just ASKING to be raped." are not acceptable, and its time we discuss the power of words over sexual assault survivors.

I asked survivors of sexual assault to share the hurtful comments that have been said to them or around them. There is no place for ignorant comments anymore.

1. Are you sure you're not making this up?

"I was raped at a college party by a boy who went to the same high school as me, both my parents knew about the incident. Frequently, they make offensive comments, including after I shared with them what had happened: 'Are you sure you were actually raped? Are you just making this up?'" - anonymous

2. The #MeToo movement is bullshit

"The #MeToo movement is such bullshit. Most of them are lying anyway." - anonymous

3. You were the problem

"I was 19-years-old when I was raped, and I was drunk at a party when it happened. I don't remember much of it except when he finished and left me there to pull my pants up myself. Next day I went with a couple of friends to get a rape kit done. I didn't know if I would tell my mom but I decided I would and instantly regretted it. We don't talk about it ever anymore.

My mom told me that my rape was my own fault because I was drunk. She said to me, 'I've been drunk in public many times and that never happened to me. The fact that you're drunk is the problem.'" - anonymous

4. You're lying

"I had multiple friends say I was lying." - anonymous

5. Stop saying your test "raped you"

"Comments like, 'that test raped me' or 'I'm about to get raped by my final' are said often by people who have no idea what I have gone through." - anonymous

6. You can't be raped if you met him on a dating app

"I was in a relationship, forced by him and then forced to stay in the relationship.

'If you didn't meet him on the internet, it probably wouldn't have happened.' - The guidance counselor at my high school

'How are you still in the relationship with him now if you didn't want it?' - My ex-best friend."

7. But he's your boyfriend?

"How can it be rape if you're in a relationship"

Words like these are incredibly painful for those who have experienced sexual assault. Whether you know someone who has been assaulted or not, please be careful in the way you talk around and about them.

Sexual assault survivors are often surveying a room or situations to check if they are safe there. Watch how you talk about abusers and those who make allegations, especially now that sexually assault talked about in the media quite commonly.

If you are unable to change the way you speak about sexual assault, offenders, survivors, scenarios, or tossing around the word "rape" in an unnecessary context, please keep your mouth shut.

And remember, sexual assault survivors NEVER asked for it.


Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

When You Feel Like Nobody Ever Likes You Back

Please don't let it break you.

472
views

It appears that I reached many people when I described how it felt to be single for 18 years (and update: it's almost 20 years now), but perhaps I can reach even more people when I explain the feeling when it seems like nobody *ever* likes you back. It's tough and it sucks. Maybe people feel this way about you. Or maybe you're in the exact same position that I am. Whatever end you're on, I'd imagine that you could relate or understand in some sort of way.

It's always fun to like someone new. We all love to fantasize about this new person, tell our friends (or enjoy the sneaky satisfaction of remaining cryptic about it), give him the Instagram follow (but you can't be the first to like his pictures so you wait to be the 23rd), get his phone number (and try *extra* hard not to text it too often), and gaze at a fresh face in class or at our activities.

We get that rush of happiness when he likes our Instagram pictures or when he answers our texts or when he views our Snapchat story or when he makes any type of effort to speak to us.

It's all fun and games. Until reality creeps in and so do our doubts and realizations that he probably doesn't like us back.

And I understand that feeling. We get left on open or read with no follow-up and freeze in our tracks. We see him flirting with someone else and our stomachs churn. And, worst of all, we find out he is in a relationship with someone else and we can feel our hearts physically sink. We begin doubting and hating ourselves and questioning our own intrinsic worth.

In the prolonged time I've been single, I've felt these feelings over and over and over again. And sometimes people can undermine the pain because it isn't a real break-up from an established boyfriend. But we still feel the breaking of our hearts and like our feelings are valid.

It's safe to say I've had to take many Ls in the relationship department, and I continue to take Ls, so I can (probably) relate to what you're feeling.

I've been explicitly told, "I don't like you back." I've tried to break down the touch barrier, but it would build itself back up stronger than ever. I've felt led on only to discover that the person was seeing someone else all along. Even today as a (nearly) 20-year-old, my doubts set in, my flirting efforts are either too strong or not strong enough, and I receive telltale signs that my fantasies will stay fantasies.

And you probably have been in similar situations or perhaps taken different Ls. And you feel ugly. And you feel unlovable. And it sucks.

But you're not. Please don't let it break you.

If you wouldn't place your self-esteem in the hands of the stranger at the bus stop, you shouldn't place your self-esteem in the hands of any one guy. Both the stranger and your love interest are individuals and don't deserve that kind of power. Some situations are not meant to be and that doesn't make you any less beautiful or amazing of a person. Everybody will only have one truly happy ending regardless of who they are. So muster up the strength to move on, and realize that perhaps the happiest endings require the most loss and heartbreak to get there.

OMG, check these out

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

14 Song Lyrics That Say 'I Miss You' Just As Good As Blink 182

Because sometimes you want to say more than just "I miss you."

382
views

Music can speak incredible volumes that regular words can't reach. I use music all the time to describe how I'm feeling or what I'm going through. I use it most in my relationships, especially with my boyfriend. As a musician, him and I are always finding songs that describe how we feel for each other and the emotions we experience.

Saying "I miss you", sometimes can feel, almost dissipated. But song lyrics can *really* tell someone how much you actually miss them. These are 11 song lyrics that are perfect to tell that special someone you miss them.

1. "Wish You Were Here" by Avril Lavigne

"You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here"

2. "Far Away" by Nickleback

"That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you
Been far away for far too long"

3. "Hey There, Delilah" by Plain White T's

"Hey there, Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side"





4. "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith

"Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't want to miss a thing"


5. "Home" by Michael Buble or Blake Shelton

"Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just want to go home
Oh I miss you, you know"



6. "Faithfully" by Journey

"Two strangers learn
To fall in love again
I get the joy
Of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully"





7. "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum

"It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now"

8. "Making Memories Of Us" by Keith Urban

"I'm gonna be here for you from now on
This you know somehow
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now
And I'm gonna make you a promise
If there's life after this
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss"




9. "I'm Already There" by Lonestar

"Wish I was in your arms
Lying right there beside you
But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight"

10. "Talking to the Moon" by Bruno Mars

"At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon
Tryin' to get to you
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too"






11. "All I Want" by Kodaline

"All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
'Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die as a happy man I'm sure"


12.  "The Few Things" by JP Saxe

"You're one of the few things that I'm sure of
You're one of the few things that I know already
I could build my world of
One of the few things that I'm sure of"


13. "Kiss Me Thru The Phone" by Soulja Boy

"And that's the issue, girl you know I miss you
I just wanna kiss you
But I can't right now
So baby kiss me thru the phone (kiss me thru the phone)"


14.  "Falling for You" by The 1975

"I'll take it one day at a time
Soon you will be mine, oh, but I want you now (I want you now)
When the smoke is in your eyes, you look so alive
Do you fancy sitting down with me maybe
'Cause you're all I need"




OMG, check these out

Facebook Comments