Trigger warning: sexual assault
Ignorant comments about sexual assault are not only unjustified but they are extremely hurtful.
Recently, comments about the dancers in Cardi B's Grammy performance created some serious fury. Comments like: "Wow, look at the way those girls are dancing! They are just ASKING to be raped." are not acceptable, and its time we discuss the power of words over sexual assault survivors.
I asked survivors of sexual assault to share the hurtful comments that have been said to them or around them. There is no place for ignorant comments anymore.
1. Are you sure you're not making this up?
"I was raped at a college party by a boy who went to the same high school as me, both my parents knew about the incident. Frequently, they make offensive comments, including after I shared with them what had happened: 'Are you sure you were actually raped? Are you just making this up?'" - anonymous
2. The #MeToo movement is bullshit
"The #MeToo movement is such bullshit. Most of them are lying anyway." - anonymous
3. You were the problem
"I was 19-years-old when I was raped, and I was drunk at a party when it happened. I don't remember much of it except when he finished and left me there to pull my pants up myself. Next day I went with a couple of friends to get a rape kit done. I didn't know if I would tell my mom but I decided I would and instantly regretted it. We don't talk about it ever anymore.
My mom told me that my rape was my own fault because I was drunk. She said to me, 'I've been drunk in public many times and that never happened to me. The fact that you're drunk is the problem.'" - anonymous
4. You're lying
"I had multiple friends say I was lying." - anonymous
5. Stop saying your test "raped you"
"Comments like, 'that test raped me' or 'I'm about to get raped by my final' are said often by people who have no idea what I have gone through." - anonymous
6. You can't be raped if you met him on a dating app
"I was in a relationship, forced by him and then forced to stay in the relationship.
'If you didn't meet him on the internet, it probably wouldn't have happened.' - The guidance counselor at my high school
'How are you still in the relationship with him now if you didn't want it?' - My ex-best friend."
7. But he's your boyfriend?
"How can it be rape if you're in a relationship"
Words like these are incredibly painful for those who have experienced sexual assault. Whether you know someone who has been assaulted or not, please be careful in the way you talk around and about them.
Sexual assault survivors are often surveying a room or situations to check if they are safe there. Watch how you talk about abusers and those who make allegations, especially now that sexually assault talked about in the media quite commonly.
If you are unable to change the way you speak about sexual assault, offenders, survivors, scenarios, or tossing around the word "rape" in an unnecessary context, please keep your mouth shut.
And remember, sexual assault survivors NEVER asked for it.