I Did Not End Up With The Love Of My Life

I Did Not End Up With The Love Of My Life

And I'm OK with that.

When I was 17 years old, I met a boy that changed everything. You know the kind — tall, smart, handsome, and a complete charmer. I was swept off my feet from the first time he flirtatiously tweeted me (ugh, we are such millennials). As the 21st-century typical high school story goes, we entered the “talking” stage, then the “dating” stage, and then finally, after a few months, we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

The clichés do not stop there. We fell in love the summer before I left for college and he entered his senior year. We danced around the subject the whole summer and tried our best to stay blissfully happy even though we knew our relationship had an impending expiration date. I will never forget the day that I left for college and the tear-filled, heart-wrenching goodbye that came with it. I was losing my boyfriend and my best friend all in one day.

I got to college, threw myself into a multitude of activities to distract myself, but I woke up with a pit in my stomach every single day for those first few months when I endured radio silence from someone I used to talk to every single second of every single day.

I won’t bore you with the details, but throughout the course of my freshman year, he and I spoke on and off, went through a few attempts to get back together, but eventually it ended for good. But, when it all ended for real, a different feeling than helplessness, loneliness, and sadness swept over me. I took a deep breath and felt relieved. A weight was lifted off of my shoulders, air was back in my lungs, and my heart felt lighter. For a few days, I had no idea why I felt like this — I should have been completely heartbroken.

SEE ALSO: To The Guy Who Broke My Best Friend

I truly do believe this boy was, and always will be, the love of my life. I also truly believe that we are not meant to be together. Our relationship was intense, consuming, and exhausting. When things were good, I felt like I was on the top of the world. When things were bad, I felt like the sun was going to fall right out of the sky. I had never met someone who meant so much to me and had so much influence on how I felt and who I was. My heart broke every time we said goodbye and was quickly pieced back together every time we said hello again. He was the other half of me; I did not feel whole without him around.

I realized my relief came from my head, not my heart. When I was 17, there was nothing more I could ask for in a relationship than what I saw in the movies — and that is exactly what I got. But, now, at the tip of my twenties iceberg, I have realized that there are so many more important things in a relationship than love.

I gave my entire heart to someone and it still did not work out, and that is okay. I experienced at 17 what some people don’t experience until they are 70. He will always have a piece of my heart that no one else can touch, and I of his. I learned more from him than I have learned from anyone else in my life. He taught me so much about love, what I want, what I need, and myself. That relationship did not turn me into a man-hater, cynic, or bitter heartbroken girl. I hurt, I healed, and I have come to a place of understanding instead of heartbreak.

SEE ALSO: To The Girl Who Had A Plan

In my next relationship, whether it is in a year or ten, I sincerely hope I don’t love him as much as I loved my first. I hope that I feel whole, even when he is not around — because I am. I hope that we argue, but we don’t stay up all night exhausting the same subject because we pick our battles. I hope I never miss him so much my heart hurts because he is never that far away. I hope he lets me make my own mistakes, but is always there to help me back up afterward. I hope that he is my partner in everything that I do — my number one fan, critic, and best friend all in one.

More than anything, I hope that I never have a love like my first one again. It was too much. It was too emotional, strong, and passionate. It meant too much to me. Every emotion associated with that relationship was polar.

So, to my mom, my best friend, and everyone else who fed me the, “you are going to find someone you love even more,” line when I was enduring this heartbreak, I hope you are wrong. I hope I never love someone as much I loved him, but I do hope that I learn how to love someone better than I loved him.

Cover Image Credit: lovephotos.xyz

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

To The Ex Who Won’t Move On, It’s Time To Let Go

Moving on is hard, but it’s time for you to realize I’m gone.


It's been a year. It's been 365 days since I left you. I was ready for a change. Our relationship was unhealthy and very toxic. We argued constantly. You were very controlling, and it was time to end it. You knew you were the issue in the relationship and you knew what needed to be fixed.

You couldn't change.

After figuring out I couldn't live the rest of my life unhappy, I left. It was hard no doubt. We had good memories, but the bad outweighed the good. You never appreciated me. You weren't loyal to me and I never understand why. You always made me feel as if I was never enough.

I finally left you. You couldn't accept the fact that I was done. I told you I discovered my self-worth and you were angry. You didn't want to see me go. You called and texted me for weeks.

I ignored you.

You were so mad because I was finally done. You had convinced yourself that I would come back but little did you know, I wouldn't. You called and texted daily. You even called my job. You didn't understand. I could no longer listen to ongoing insults and constant accusations. I had enough of it.

When I didn't respond to your calls and texts, you began using text apps and calling me from restricted. You wouldn't stop. When you found out I moved on, it got worse. I begged you to stop and you wouldn't. I finally stopped responding. You still continue to try to contact me.

I need you to move on. I want to put everything behind us. I want you to go out and find someone to make you happy. I need you to realize you and I are over. I want you to move on like I did. I am happy now and I don't need you ruining that. To my ex who is struggling to move on, it's time to let go and move on.

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11 Sneaky Signs Your Relationship Is Headed For A Breakup

Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere.


When you think of a breakup, you may think of weeks of screaming at each other, cheating, lying, and pretty much every other obvious sign you aren't meant for each other.

Sometimes, these signs aren't even there. There may be underlying signs that have been there for a while until it all bubbles up and, BOOM, the breakup happens.

Here are 11 subtle signs your relationship is headed for a breakup:

1. When your S.O.'s name pops up on your phone you feel like groaning.

Throughout your relationship, you would get butterflies when your S.O's name came on your phone. You would be dying to talk to them and tell them all about your day. If it feels like a chore, it might be time to revaluate the relationship.

2. If you live together, you find yourself hoping they aren't home when you get there.

Coming home to your S.O. at the end of every day should be rewarding and exciting. You need to be comfortable in your own living space.

3. You stop wanting to spend time together.

You don't need to spend every waking moment together, but when it seems more like more of a task to take time out of your day that isn't okay.

4. FaceTimes and phone calls become nonexistent.

And if they are existent, the love isn't there and they seem distracted.

5. When you are hanging out, you are checking the time and figuring out when you should leave.

Before, time would fly by and you would be wishing you had more time.

6. Going out on a date seems like a hassle more than an actual treat.

Date nights are rare in busy lives, but when planning them isn't exciting anymore it usually isn't a good sign.

7. When you look into the future you don't see them in it.

You had all your kids names picked out and now you can't even see the relationship getting through the next month.

8. The time between talking to each other increases.

You find yourself forgetting that you haven't talked in a while. And it doesn't necessarily bother you.

9. They irritate you more.

Just their face could bring out anger you didn't know you had.

10. The quirks you once found endearing are now annoying.

Remember the way he'd easily fall asleep in your arms and how it made you feel all gooey inside? Yeah, now it's like he's never awake when you're around.

11. When they stop doing the little things that once put a smile on your face.

No more random "you're beautiful" comments or spontaneous trips to your favorite places in town.

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