9 Debunked Myths About White Girls Who Date Black Guys

9 Debunked Myths About White Girls Who Date Black Guys

I'm new to interracial dating, but I've already been hit with these stereotypes.
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I'll start off by saying that I don't intend for this article to speak for all white women/men or all black men/women.

I exclusively dated white men for many years prior to very recently entering the interracial dating scene. This is new territory for me, but I think it speaks volumes that I've already discovered that it comes with certain stereotypes attached. These are some of the stereotypes I've witnessed, along with things people have actually said to me, or things I've read online.

I'm going to attempt to address and dispel these stereotypes surrounding white women who date black men:

1. We're not all fat.

According to this Reddit thread, black men go after overweight white women because they have less options, so they take what they can get. Not that celebrities are always accurate depictions of regular people, but a handful of the Kardashians prove this stereotype to be false.

It also could just be that black men appreciate women who don't have a certain body type. If the argument is that overweight white women go after black men because they can't get with white men, this demeans black men by insinuating that they are not as desirable as white men.

2. We don't all have daddy issues.

I had a white guy tell me that “7.5 times out of 10, a white girl that's into black guys has very deep rooted daddy issues." What evidence there is to prove this, I don't know.

I happen to have a very good relationship with my father. I've always been a "Daddy's Girl" and I would never intentionally date a specific race in an attempt to “lash out" at either of my parents. While it's true that a woman is more likely to date and marry someone who looks similar to her father, it's also true that she'll choose a life partner who shares the same qualities as her father.

So perhaps color doesn't matter in this case, as long as a woman can find someone who treats her well.

3. We're not trying to prove that we're not racist.

By dating a black man, we don't think that's an extension of “I have black friends, therefore I'm not racist." If we were racist, we wouldn't be dating a black guy in the first place. Who can really keep up appearances for that long just to prove a point?

4. We don't think that we're better than black girls.

Yes, it's true that OKCupid did a study that showed that black women are less likely to get responses from any race, including black men.

This doesn't mean that white girls who date black guys think that they're above black women. This is not to say that white privilege doesn't exist, it just means that white women don't think they can automatically get a black guy just by virtue of being white. Nor are white women trying to take anything away from black women.

A white friend of mine who was dating a black guy in school (who is now her husband) says that she was quick to experience pushback, when she would hear things such as “she's taking our good men!" being said about her. There are plenty of black men who exclusively date black women and in those cases, white women don't have any sort of edge.

Just because society has identified whiteness as some sort of marker of success doesn't mean that white women view themselves as an “upgrade" for black men.

5. It's not just a fetish.

No, we are not all just trying to see if the rumors about black men are true; there are websites for that.

6. We're not trying to rebel against society.

Interracial marriages were only legalized in the United States 50 years ago, which means that when a black man and white woman walk down the street holding hands in certain parts of the country, they are still going to get glared at.

I had another white guy tell me that interracial sex is bestiality and that interracial marriage is against the Bible (in 2017! Can you believe that?!)

Sure, it's fun to piss redneck, Confederate flag waving, Fox News watching racists off, but dating is too much effort for that to be the only perk. We know that there will always be people who will never accept interracial relationships and while we enjoy making those people squirm with discomfort, our dating preference is not a statement to change their narrow minds.

7. We haven't all had bad experiences with white men.

Of course, it's possible that a white woman had a traumatic experience with a white man, which makes her look to other races for love and stability in a relationship; but, this is not always the case. In my eight years of dating white men, I've had equally good and bad experiences, but there was not one single event that made me decide that I'm no longer into white men.

Sometimes people just get bored of dating the same race and want to explore, especially if they grew up in a town that was predominantly one race. And sometimes you surprise yourself and end up being attracted to someone you never thought you would be because they're not traditionally your “type."

My white friend who is married to a black man said, “it's just him I fell in love with. If he was green, I'd still love him!"

8. We don't think that we're too good for white guys.

There's this stereotype that white women who date black guys are trying to “show off" or to make white men jealous of black men. Interracial dating is not revenge dating.

Plus, all the males in my family are white and I have nothing but respect for them, so how can I think I'm better than them? The same goes for black men; their mothers and sisters are black, so they shouldn't think they are above black women by dating white women.

9. We don't think black men are easier to get.

Black people make up 14.4% of the American population, which means there are roughly 21.5 million black men living in America.

Cut that number in half to account for the black children, now that's 10.75 million. Consider all the gay/transgender black men, now we're down to about 9.75 million. But all those 9.75 million black men have to be single, within a certain age range, emotionally available and meet your standards.

By the time you factor in the married men, fathers, or the elderly, you have a pool of black men less than the size of New York City spread out over 50 states. Trust me, if we wanted easy, we would not be dating minorities.

These are just some observations I've made and they obviously do not apply to every interracial dating situation. I always knew that race was a problem in America, but I didn't (and still don't fully) realize the intricacies of it and how deeply it extends to dating culture.

Dating outside of my race has opened my eyes to how much work we still have to do as a society to combat racism, both blatant and masked.

Cover Image Credit: Kim Kardashian / Instagram

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

11 Things The Man You Love Should Do For You, No Questions Asked

Sometimes it's just the simple things in life that mean a lot.

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Every girl feels special when the guy she's dating does simple things for her that not everyone thinks about. Here's a list of 10 things that every girl genuinely appreciates.

1. Open/Hold the door

I feel like this one is really simple because everyone has to walk through doors. Chivalry isn't dead, let him open the door for you. He's not trying to prove that you can't do it for yourself, but he's trying to be polite and show you that he cares for you.

2. Give you really big hugs

Everyone has bad days, and sometimes you just need a really big hug. Whether it be a bear hug or the hug where he picks you up and spins you around, it will make you feel better in the long run.

3. Buy you really small gifts

One of the best things my boyfriend has ever done for me is simply bringing me a Dr. Pepper when he knows I'm tired from a long hard day full of exams or work. Sonic slushes will also make my day in a heartbeat.

4. Text/Call you just to tell you he loves you

This is pretty simple. It takes less than 10 seconds to text, and only a few minutes to call. Sometimes you get these texts right at the perfect moment, and it makes you feel so much better.

5. Come see you when you're sick

Everyone hates being sick. But seeing your friends and family while you're sick can make you feel so much better. Having your boyfriend come to see you and possibly even take care of you just makes being sick that much easier.

6. Respect your decisions

You're not married yet, so your decisions are up to you! He should respect the decisions you make and support you, even if it's not what he thinks is the best decision. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else!

7. Give you a shoulder to cry on

We all have bad days, and sometimes you just can't stop the tears from coming. Even if he's not good with crying, he should give you hugs and love to help you get through it.

8. Compliment you

Even if you look horrible and know so, hopefully, he'll still tell you that you look good. Even if the clothes you're wearing aren't his style, he should still tell you that they look good on you and that you are beautiful each and every day.

9. Call you when you're away or he's away

If you're like me, I miss my boyfriend after being away for about three hours, so when we're apart for more than a couple days, I love getting random calls from him when he knows I'm not busy. It's definitely better than a text.

10. Deal with all your annoying quirks

So if you're anything like me, you enjoy screaming music as loudly and horribly as you can in the car and making a complete fool of yourself, but he should love you for that anyway. I also love to take really stupid pictures, and he should put up with that too. He shouldn't be annoyed by your quirks, he should love them and laugh along with you.

11. Love you no matter what

I honestly feel like this goes without saying, but I put it on here so that the girls who don't feel like they're being loved no matter what can realize. He should want to work out problems with you instead of calling it quits and holding a grudge. He should want you to be happy and support you in every decision you make in life. When he loves you unconditionally, he will do all of the above things and more.

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If You View Being In A Relationship As 'Losing Your Freedom,' You’re In The Wrong Relationship

Someone had to say it.

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Relationships are about being the best possible version of yourself separate and together. They're about growing with and doing life alongside your partner. They're fun, loving, and granted, they can sometimes be challenging.

Some challenges that frequently come up in relationships are disagreements (which are for sure gonna happen, because you're two individual people!), dealing with stress, and depending on where you're at in life, it could also be financial struggles. Of course, all relationships are going to have problems and everything won't always be “rainbows and butterflies" as Maroon 5 like to put it.

That being said though, one challenge that shouldn't ever be an issue in a relationship is the loss of freedom. Where did this idea come from?

I see it all the time, people talking about not wanting to get into a relationship because they don't want to "lose their freedom".

If you are in a relationship which causes you to lose your freedom, you are 100% in the wrong relationship.

Being in a relationship is not synonymous with not being able to be yourself or be able to do what you want. In a good relationship, you will be able to still have your alone time, be your own person, hang out with your friends, the list goes on and on. All of these things are so important. Relationships should never consume your life, they should complement it.

Why is this even a conversation we need to be having? Seriously.

Now obviously if you're referring to losing the option of getting with other people or dating around, then yes, you're right, you absolutely shouldn't get into a relationship... but that doesn't mean relationships mean losing your freedom.

If you are in a relationship with someone you love and respect, getting with other people isn't even going to be on your radar. It truly is that simple.

The trend of hating on relationships, for this reason, has gotten so out of hand in recent years, especially on social media. It's so frustrating, though, because it could not be any more inaccurate.

You should absolutely still have freedom in relationships. You can have it. I for one absolutely have it and do not view my relationship as the loss of freedom, at all. If you don't, maybe evaluate that relationship and realize it's not the best one to be in.

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