9 Debunked Myths About White Girls Who Date Black Guys

9 Debunked Myths About White Girls Who Date Black Guys

I'm new to interracial dating, but I've already been hit with these stereotypes.
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I'll start off by saying that I don't intend for this article to speak for all white women/men or all black men/women.

I exclusively dated white men for many years prior to very recently entering the interracial dating scene. This is new territory for me, but I think it speaks volumes that I've already discovered that it comes with certain stereotypes attached. These are some of the stereotypes I've witnessed, along with things people have actually said to me, or things I've read online.

I'm going to attempt to address and dispel these stereotypes surrounding white women who date black men:

1. We're not all fat.

According to this Reddit thread, black men go after overweight white women because they have less options, so they take what they can get. Not that celebrities are always accurate depictions of regular people, but a handful of the Kardashians prove this stereotype to be false.

It also could just be that black men appreciate women who don't have a certain body type. If the argument is that overweight white women go after black men because they can't get with white men, this demeans black men by insinuating that they are not as desirable as white men.

2. We don't all have daddy issues.

I had a white guy tell me that “7.5 times out of 10, a white girl that's into black guys has very deep rooted daddy issues." What evidence there is to prove this, I don't know.

I happen to have a very good relationship with my father. I've always been a "Daddy's Girl" and I would never intentionally date a specific race in an attempt to “lash out" at either of my parents. While it's true that a woman is more likely to date and marry someone who looks similar to her father, it's also true that she'll choose a life partner who shares the same qualities as her father.

So perhaps color doesn't matter in this case, as long as a woman can find someone who treats her well.

3. We're not trying to prove that we're not racist.

By dating a black man, we don't think that's an extension of “I have black friends, therefore I'm not racist." If we were racist, we wouldn't be dating a black guy in the first place. Who can really keep up appearances for that long just to prove a point?

4. We don't think that we're better than black girls.

Yes, it's true that OKCupid did a study that showed that black women are less likely to get responses from any race, including black men.

This doesn't mean that white girls who date black guys think that they're above black women. This is not to say that white privilege doesn't exist, it just means that white women don't think they can automatically get a black guy just by virtue of being white. Nor are white women trying to take anything away from black women.

A white friend of mine who was dating a black guy in school (who is now her husband) says that she was quick to experience pushback, when she would hear things such as “she's taking our good men!" being said about her. There are plenty of black men who exclusively date black women and in those cases, white women don't have any sort of edge.

Just because society has identified whiteness as some sort of marker of success doesn't mean that white women view themselves as an “upgrade" for black men.

5. It's not just a fetish.

No, we are not all just trying to see if the rumors about black men are true; there are websites for that.

6. We're not trying to rebel against society.

Interracial marriages were only legalized in the United States 50 years ago, which means that when a black man and white woman walk down the street holding hands in certain parts of the country, they are still going to get glared at.

I had another white guy tell me that interracial sex is bestiality and that interracial marriage is against the Bible (in 2017! Can you believe that?!)

Sure, it's fun to piss redneck, Confederate flag waving, Fox News watching racists off, but dating is too much effort for that to be the only perk. We know that there will always be people who will never accept interracial relationships and while we enjoy making those people squirm with discomfort, our dating preference is not a statement to change their narrow minds.

7. We haven't all had bad experiences with white men.

Of course, it's possible that a white woman had a traumatic experience with a white man, which makes her look to other races for love and stability in a relationship; but, this is not always the case. In my eight years of dating white men, I've had equally good and bad experiences, but there was not one single event that made me decide that I'm no longer into white men.

Sometimes people just get bored of dating the same race and want to explore, especially if they grew up in a town that was predominantly one race. And sometimes you surprise yourself and end up being attracted to someone you never thought you would be because they're not traditionally your “type."

My white friend who is married to a black man said, “it's just him I fell in love with. If he was green, I'd still love him!"

8. We don't think that we're too good for white guys.

There's this stereotype that white women who date black guys are trying to “show off" or to make white men jealous of black men. Interracial dating is not revenge dating.

Plus, all the males in my family are white and I have nothing but respect for them, so how can I think I'm better than them? The same goes for black men; their mothers and sisters are black, so they shouldn't think they are above black women by dating white women.

9. We don't think black men are easier to get.

Black people make up 14.4% of the American population, which means there are roughly 21.5 million black men living in America.

Cut that number in half to account for the black children, now that's 10.75 million. Consider all the gay/transgender black men, now we're down to about 9.75 million. But all those 9.75 million black men have to be single, within a certain age range, emotionally available and meet your standards.

By the time you factor in the married men, fathers, or the elderly, you have a pool of black men less than the size of New York City spread out over 50 states. Trust me, if we wanted easy, we would not be dating minorities.

These are just some observations I've made and they obviously do not apply to every interracial dating situation. I always knew that race was a problem in America, but I didn't (and still don't fully) realize the intricacies of it and how deeply it extends to dating culture.

Dating outside of my race has opened my eyes to how much work we still have to do as a society to combat racism, both blatant and masked.

Cover Image Credit: Kim Kardashian / Instagram

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

31 One-Liners You Say To Your Boyfriend Before, After And During The Sunday Scaries Hit

Sunday scaries are much more intense that we like to believe.

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Ah Friday. The blessed day of the week that kicks off the wonderful weekend. You have it planned where you are going to tackle everything on your to do list. You're going to clean, you're going to do laundry and even have a special date night with your boo. Maybe even grab a couple drinks with some friends. No matter what, you are not letting the weekend go to waste. Then, before you know it,

Sunday hits.

It's as if the second you went to bed Friday night (or Saturday morning, I won't judge) it immediately skips over Saturday and you are left with one single day to get everything done. The Sunday scaries are real and if you feel the stress that comes with them, you've probably said these one-liners to your boyfriend at some point during the weekend.

Before

1. "Sunday scaries are a joke!"

2. You think just because it's 2 a.m. Sunday morning that we can't have another drink?"



3. "Babe, the laundry will get done, we have all weekend!"

4. "Let's go out with our friends tonight! We have plenty of time to clean the kitchen."

5. "What do you mean we should go home? It's not even midnight!"

6. "But, what if I never get a chance to sing "Man, I Feel Like A Woman" at a karaoke bar again!?"



7. "Oh don't worry, I'm not going to let the Sunday scaries stress me out!"

8. "I won't have a hangover tomorrow!"



9. "I'm a perfectly capable adult!"

During

10. "OMG, BABE WHAT DID I DO?"



11. "What do you mean I sang karaoke until 2 in the morning? I don't even like karaoke!"

12. "I had, HOW many drinks?"

13. "Babe, we NEED to get laundry done."

14. "Why is this house such a mess?"



15. "Why didn't you stop me?!"

16. "Please clean the bathroom, my head hurts too much."

17. "No, I do NOT have a hangover!"

18. "Baby, can we pleaseeee take a nap?" *Says while crying*



19. "I just wanted to have ONE *sobs* GOOD *sobs* NIGHT."

20. *blows nose in boyfriends shirt*"We have NO time to get anything done!"

21. "I'm never going out again!"



22. "I can't adult!"

After

23. "Well, I guess it wasn't THAT bad.."

24. "I mean, we made some progress, we have clean underwear!"



25. "I can see the floor, I think we did a lot today."

26. "You know what would be a great idea? Drinks."

27. "Can we order buffalo wings for dinner?"



28. "I still don't think I was that drunk."

29. "The Sunday scaries did NOT get me."

30. "We should do this again next weekend!"

31. "Adulting is easy!"


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Now That I'm About To Graduate, I Wish 'College Freshman Me' Knew These 7 Things About Love

Remember the love. Measure in love. Measure your life in love.

Dr King
Dr King
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December 7th, 2018, is the date that I along with over 2,000 students at UNC-Greensboro have been waited for quite literally for years. Now that the graduation ceremony is approximately 9 hours, 25 minutes, and 4 seconds away I can't help but lie awake in anticipation while reflecting on the different relationships I've had over the past four years no matter how impactful or minor.

I think if I could go back into the past to tell 18-year-old self from freshman year some lessons about love, here are 7 things I would say.

1. It’s okay to play the field

Until you actually find the person you want to be with, it's okay to date multiple people. I feel like women especially have a tendency to put all their eggs in one basket even before things get too serious. Some people are naturally more of the relationship and that's fine, but I wish I had known not to be too loyal to guys too soon before anything was clearly established.

2. But don’t play the field to the point where it bites you in the ass

Ladies, it should be a no-brainer that if you're going to talk to a few people at once, at least make sure they aren't in the same friend group. At a time it wasn't as much of a no-brainer for me though. There has only been one time where I purposely talked to multiple guys at once as if I was on a dating show like "The Bachelorette." If I could go back and warn myself to be smarter about the situation I would, seeing as I didn't have enough sense at the time not to chat with half the guys living on the same floor in the dorm that we all lived in. At the time I felt like it was pretty harmless, but eventually, I found that quite a few of them were salty about it.

3. Even “good guys” can have trash tendencies

Sometimes you'll be involved with a "good guy" because he's seemingly different than the rest. He may not be as tall as the other guys or have as muscular of a physique, but you know deep down that you can be happy with him because you know for certain he'll treat you right. Well, that's not always the case. There have been times where I went for the typical shy guy who didn't really get all of the girls because he was seen as "too nice." Unfortunately, there have been instances when they felt extra entitled to having me just because they were seen as good guys.

4. Sometimes you can literally speak relationships into existence

I am a firm believer that the power of our words is crucial, but now I'm an even more firm believer that our words work in terms of finding a boyfriend as well. One night as I moved into the apartment I stay at now, one of my closest friends stopped by to see me and he brought two of his friends along. I introduced myself to both of them, but I was definitely fixated on the Italian friend. Was it because he has the most distinct greenish/grey eyes I've ever seen? Maybe. However, there was this weird feeling I had that he was going to be my boyfriend which was insane considering that we probably only spoke to each other on no more than three or four occasions that night, one of them being when he asked me if he could use my bathroom. I even told one of my roommates right before I went to bed that night that he was going to be my boyfriend someday. Later my sister and I would see him almost every other week at the same two spots in the library and I would whisper to her, saying "I don't really know that guy and I don't even like him like that yet, but I'm pretty sure we're gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend one day." About six or so months later we started dating for real and not just in my head.

5. Having sex for the first time doesn’t necessarily have to be a negative experience

The first time I had sex was halfway through my junior year in college. Prior to this experience, I had heard all of the worst-case scenarios—"Don't expect it to be great," "It's gonna hurt," and "you're probably going to get attached" are among the top three things I constantly heard. Contrary to what I've heard all those years, my first time having sex was pretty good. I think part of the reason because it wasn't this scheduled thing with a romantic dinner and a movie beforehand or rose petals leading up to the bed at a precise time. It was very laid back and natural.

6. Trying to make your ex jealous may leave you stranded alone in a different state

I've mentioned this situation briefly before, but the only time in my life when I legitimately had a grand scheme to make an ex jealous didn't actually go as planned. I used my magic charm on two MMA coaches and finessed my way on a free trip to one of the MMA events in South Carolina where they would coach their clients. It didn't take long for them to realize I wasn't being genuine. One of the coaches insisted that I wasn't showing him enough affection and the other coach who I rode down to the event with completely went ghost and blocked me. If one of my close friends weren't there as well then I wouldn't have had a ride back home to North Carolina.

7. Chicks over dicks

With all of that being said, whether or not I'm in a full blown relationship or just casually dating someone, I will ALWAYS need my friends more than I need the dick so there's no need to stress over guys when the time I spend with my best girlfriends is the most fulfilling.

Dr King
Dr King

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