Here’s How It Feels To Leave A Relationship That You Both Still Want

Here’s How It Feels To Leave A Relationship That You Both Still Want

Sometimes your lives just don't match up and you have to walk away.


In the dating world, there seem to exist three types of people. Those who exclusively seek long-term, serious relationships, those who seek a string of hookups or friends with benefits, and then there exists a third, murkier category.

And what is that category you ask? Well, it's the in-betweeners.

These are the people that might skew toward favoring relationships, monogamy and exclusivity. However, they aren't necessarily looking for the type of long-term, serious relationship that the first group is.

And why is that?

Well, some of us within the population have a certain directive for ourselves that requires our utmost focus and attention. Maybe we're at a place in our lives where we might want someone special to spend our time with, but our individual lifestyles factors aren't conducive to a long-term, serious relationship.

Such life experiences might include college, graduate school, a high-demanding career or travel. Certain commitments that fall within these categories often require the majority of one's time and are apart of one's journey to the success they wish to achieve. Some people can't conceivably maintain the type of long-term relationship they envision for themselves while in the pursuit of their responsibilities.

Some people might also have just gotten over a traumatic situation or negative life experience that makes dating difficult for them, and they might wish to find someone to spend time with but don't know if they can put forth the effort necessary for a serious relationship.

Some people can handle the responsibilities of a long-term relationship while they're out grinding and chasing their dreams. But for some of us, our commitments we have in the pursuit of ourselves are not compatible with the type of serious relationship we envision having for ourselves. Some people might be okay with long-distance relationships or spending any conceivable free time they have with each other.

Others might not. Long-distance might not be appropriate for certain couples, or if they're a particularly busy individual, the limited free time they have might be reserved for their own personal health.

And maybe this could be the right person. But the intersection of one's individual lifestyle factors, the characteristics they seek from a relationship, their place in life and mental health all factor into the decision for why they may or may not choose to pursue someone they think is right for them.

Some people might argue with me that if the person in question is truly someone they could envision a long-term relationship with, they would make the time and make sacrifices to be with this person.

But realistically, is that always healthy?

Should you feel inclined to give up your personal pursuits for someone else? In the context of marriage it's one thing, but when it comes to premarital relationships, should you feel obligated to give up a large part of yourself for someone else, even if they do seem like the "right" type of person?

I don't think so.

A relationship is an agreement that two people enter. It's important to give your best energy into your relationships, but there can come the point when you can't give up too much of yourself in exchange for something else. If you do so, you might risk losing who you are as a person, or sacrifice a part of your life, whether personally or professionally, that you couldn't afford to lose.

So, if you're one of those people who fall under that murky category, you could find yourself in a casual, exclusive relationship with someone you truly enjoy and adore. In mature relationships, you'll discuss the constraints of your relationship and communicate what's appropriate for you two.

At some point, however, you two might find yourself parting ways as you work on your respective lives. If you're in one of those murky positions where you're in some sort of relationship with someone but have to separate, it might be difficult for you to walk away since you do envision this person as someone worth having a serious relationship.

For people in those types of situations, they understand who they are and the reality that they live in, where the timing in their lives is not such that enables them to be together.

For people who value the concept of timing when it comes to relationships, there is an understanding that love does not conquer all. Rather, personal accountability, self-reflection, and ambition come before the pursuit of someone else.

Maybe your life timing and focus isn't such to enable a serious relationship to happen with this person now. However, if you end on positive terms with that person and stay in touch, there could come a day where you feel the timing in your life is right.

You could feel that you are now capable of maintaining the type of serious relationship you seek to be in and that you can invest the necessary effort into the relationship without harming yourself.

If something is meant to be, I do indeed think that each person will make their way back to each other when the timing is right.

It's possible this isn't the right person and you simply enjoyed a relationship with a like-minded individual before having to part ways.

If you feel they have the potential to be your "right person" don't write them off because of the timing. You have the ability to determine how you treat the other person, and enabling the possibility for the reunion of your relationship could make you both incredibly happy somewhere down the road.

So, if you're leaving someone you love and care about to pursue your path, don't fret. Keep your mind and heart open. For all you know, you could work your way back to each other to build the strong, serious relationship you both want.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

To My Best Friend Dealing With A Broken Heart, We'll Get Through This Together

I can't actually fill that void.


To my best friend dealing with a broken heart,

It won't last forever.

Your heart, scratch that—you—will heal. You're already strong, but you'll become tougher. You're already smart, but you'll become wiser. You're already sexy, but you'll become even more irresistible.

And I'll be here the entire time. I can't wait to see who you become.

It won't be easy. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that you'll be smiling and confidently strutting the streets by tomorrow. You have everything you need, but if your heart needs some time, take it. There's no rulebook. Honestly, I don't know how I got out of my rut, but I did and now I'm here. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I cried on end, but my support group–you–helped me through it one day at a time. Don't stress about what other people think—even me, forget my thoughts! Focus on you. What does your body need? What does your soul need?

I'm sorry. I wish I could take away this pain.

There's nothing that can compare to this feeling and I know I can't actually fill that void—no one can, other than you.

You never think it'll happen to you.

You had the future planned out. You shared your deepest darkest secrets. You both shared, I love you's and genuinely meant it. Of course, there were happy times. It was all real. I won't bash your ex unless you need me to (personally, I cringe anytime someone speaks badly of my ex... at the end of the day, I loved that man) but, just know, you did everything you could.

It wasn't meant to be and, one day, you will find your happily ever after. That love will be greater than anything you can ever imagine.

I'm not going to sit here and let you mope. The memories will never fade, but at this moment, forget about the past and the future, only the now. If you are angry, punch a wall, but steer away from feeling regret. Nothing in life is worth regretting over. It is all lessons-learned and adventures to remember later on.

This will pass and you will laugh about it. When I heard that for the first time, I wanted to scream, I could never laugh at the situation, but here I am now. You lost someone and that's never easy, but you've also gained so much experience.

You are gorgeous and breathtaking, you better start believing it because anyone would be so lucky to have you in their life.

Today, you start loving yourself.

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I Chose My College Because Of My Then-Boyfriend—We Broke Up, And Somehow I Have No Regrets

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.


When you graduate high school while in a relationship, things can get a little tricky. If you're not from a college town or if you don't plan on attending the one near you, you're faced with some pretty big questions.

Is the relationship worth it? Can we do the whole "long distance" thing? How will it work?

Three years ago, I faced these questions with some uncertainty. My plan had always been to go out-of-state for college, to attend the big university of my dreams. I had applied there, and I even got accepted to enroll. It was a pretty big deal to me to achieve even a fraction of what I had dreamed of for so many years.

However, I had a boyfriend. It was a pretty serious one, since we'd been together for a couple years before I graduated high school. He was older, already in college. He came home pretty often since the college he attended wasn't horribly far from our hometown and we made it work.

When I got accepted to that far away college, things got uncomfortable. It was pretty obvious that he didn't want me to go there and wasn't a big fan of the thought of being a long distance couple. So, I compromised. I chose to apply to a college just under an hour away from our hometown, similar to what he did, so that we could continue to date. We were serious about each other, so I figured it was a sacrifice I could make for the long run. I wanted to make him happier by staying close by.

That didn't really work, though. Our personalities were painfully different, but this was only really highlighted in a negative way when I moved away. I was outgoing, involved, and loved to make friends. He was pretty much the opposite, and being older than me, he wasn't very interested in doing the things I wanted to do. He would come up to visit, but never wanted to interact with any of my friends or really do anything exciting at all besides sit in my dorm.

For the first two or so years that I was in college, we fought constantly. I didn't come home enough, I was too busy, and I was friends with people he wasn't fond of. I had a job, I was in a sorority, and I was involved in several other clubs, so my time was spread pretty thin. On the weekends, I would go out to parties totally sober for my friends but I'd get yelled at for being there at all. All of my actions were policed as if he was a father instead of a boyfriend. I was miserable.

I was afraid to talk about it publicly, but my friends knew how miserable I was and that the love had been gone for a long time. I was stuck at this university that I didn't really care about, that was too close to home for me to really feel like I had even left the nest at all.

After nearly two years of misery, I finally left that relationship. It pissed a lot of people off, especially the people back home who were friends with both of us. But they didn't know everything, just one side. That's OK, though. I really didn't care, because I was finally taking my life back.

I may have chosen to attend my university because it was closer to a boyfriend back home, but I love it even more now than when I started. I was able to become involved in campus activities and organizations without feeling guilty anymore. I was able to hang out with friends without being yelled at and tracked like a dog. I was able to enter a new relationship that was healthy, loving, and bettered my mental well-being instead of hurting it.

I've been able to fall in love with my campus all over again. It may be close to home and people I don't really care about anymore, but if I had gone out-of-state or anywhere else, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't be in my sorority, or in my current relationship. I wouldn't be the best version of myself that I've seen to date. I wouldn't be this strong woman who finally learned her worth.

I used to regret my decision to attend the college that I do, but I don't anymore. It's my home, and no one can take that away from me. Thanks to my university, I've been given opportunities to grow as a leader, as a student, and as a person. I'm not the person I was in high school three years ago, that's for damn sure, and I couldn't be happier about that.

I don't necessarily think everything happens for a reason, but I do think that choosing the college that I did was a pivotal moment in my life. My high school relationship might not have worked out, and sure, college was a factor, but I'm glad that it didn't. My life is mine now, and so is my college experience.

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