I Left My Relationship To Focus On My Mental Health And I'm So Glad I Did
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Content warning: suicide, depression, self-harm

On May 18th, 2017, I tried to kill myself by taking endless amounts of Ibuprofen.

It was only two weeks before I graduated high school, two days after I saw my favorite band, and a week before our senior class trip to Six Flags.

You're probably wondering what drove me to that point since I had so much to look forward to, but I can honestly say I was in the worst relationship I will probably ever be in. I thought I met a boy from heaven back in January 2017. He was sweet, wanted to show me off, and would spoil me with dinner dates and little surprises here and there. I hate to admit it, but he was the one that drove me to break up with my previous boyfriend of two years, I don't regret cutting things off with him since it was well overdue, but I do regret letting the toxic one convince me to do it.

Everything was going great with my new guy. We hung out a lot and even sometimes with his friends, he got me a birthday present and always made sure I was doing okay. He kept asking me to be his girlfriend but I kept denying it since I was freshly out of a two-year relationship and he was heading off to boot camp in the summer for the Army. Eventually, a couple of months pass and I finally agree to be his girlfriend since my feelings got stronger for him.

It was perfect. I was so happy to be with him. Until two weeks of dating later, I found out he was talking to other girls romantically. Of course, I called him out on it. I didn't understand after all this time he was begging me to be his girlfriend, he goes and does this. I was upset for a few days and eventually got over it since it wasn't physical or anything. From that day, our relationship went down drastically every day.

He started telling me what I could and couldn't wear. Whenever I would wear leggings he'd call me a slut or a whore. If I'd wear a v-neck shirt, I'd be stupid for showing off my boobs when that wasn't my intention at all. The only things I could wear were sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and when I'd do that, he'd call me ugly. I wasn't allowed to hang out with any of my guy friends because apparently they were threats, but yet he could go hang out with other girls alone and I couldn't be mad since "he was leaving for the Army in a couple of months and wanted to have fun." He told me I was only in wrestling because I wanted to pick up guys even though I've been in it since I was a little girl.

He was always lying about where he was. We shared our location on Find My Friends on the iPhone, and if I wasn't home or at work, he'd yell at me even if I was just at a friend's house. Two weeks later he broke things off with me but yet wanted to continue talking and being a thing until he left. Even though I was considered "single," I was still told I couldn't wear what I wanted or hang out with any other guys.

I was soon diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was up until 4 a.m. on school nights because of all the lies he'd tell me and I would wonder what I'm doing wrong since everything changed in a snap. I was worried about everything I did and wondering if he'd be mad at me if I did this or that.

It was now May of 2017 and I lost a total of 10 pounds from stress, I didn't get my period anymore because of how underweight I was. It was May 16th and I was on my way to see my favorite band with my best friend. I was waiting for this day since my birthday and I was so excited. But, when you knew I was having fun finally in a long time, he had to ruin it by texting me in the middle of it saying how he never wants to talk to me again and how crazy I am. I just didn't understand anymore.

Two days later was the day that changed my life forever. I caught him in another big lie and finally confronted him and I was then told how crazy I am, how he used me for gifts, how unattractive I am and other things girls should never hear. He convinced me that all these were true and I left class to go home and end my life.

Deep down I knew I didn't want to and it was stupid that I'm doing this because of a boy. But my way of ending this relationship for good was to be away from the world for a few days. I admitted myself into the inpatient treatment program at the hospital for a suicide attempt, anxiety and depression. I was in there for four days. I thought that admitting myself to the hospital was the weak way out of the relationship since I felt like I was running away from the problems. But in reality, I realized that this was the right way out for me.

I took four days to myself with no technology and no interaction with anybody besides my parents. It was exactly what I needed to keep my mental health in check. When I was released I felt like a new person, besides being 14 pounds underweight, I now felt free. In the beginning, I may have felt that admitting myself was the fragile way out, but when I was released, I understood that it was the only way out. I had the best last few weeks of my senior year with the people that mattered most in my life. I graduated high school and was now on my way to becoming a freshman in college.

It has almost been two years since this day and I still struggle heavily with my anxiety and depression. I have trust issues with everyone when I know I shouldn't. Luckily enough for me, I found love again. With someone who treats me how I should be treated. He knows my past and knows how hurt I was and I can never thank him enough for making me believe in love and myself again.

Although my life almost ended, I knew that I had so much more potential and I wasn't going to let a mentally abusive guy win. If you are or have been in my position and thought the only way out was to end your own life, I understand. But this is a sign to tell you that it does get better, it may be hard to leave at first because you think you love them and they love you, but someone who makes you feel worthless does not love you. Your own mental health comes first. You deserve someone better, and I found my someone better... and you will too.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

To The Ex Who Won’t Move On, It’s Time To Let Go

Moving on is hard, but it’s time for you to realize I’m gone.

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It's been a year. It's been 365 days since I left you. I was ready for a change. Our relationship was unhealthy and very toxic. We argued constantly. You were very controlling, and it was time to end it. You knew you were the issue in the relationship and you knew what needed to be fixed.

You couldn't change.

After figuring out I couldn't live the rest of my life unhappy, I left. It was hard no doubt. We had good memories, but the bad outweighed the good. You never appreciated me. You weren't loyal to me and I never understand why. You always made me feel as if I was never enough.

I finally left you. You couldn't accept the fact that I was done. I told you I discovered my self-worth and you were angry. You didn't want to see me go. You called and texted me for weeks.

I ignored you.

You were so mad because I was finally done. You had convinced yourself that I would come back but little did you know, I wouldn't. You called and texted daily. You even called my job. You didn't understand. I could no longer listen to ongoing insults and constant accusations. I had enough of it.

When I didn't respond to your calls and texts, you began using text apps and calling me from restricted. You wouldn't stop. When you found out I moved on, it got worse. I begged you to stop and you wouldn't. I finally stopped responding. You still continue to try to contact me.

I need you to move on. I want to put everything behind us. I want you to go out and find someone to make you happy. I need you to realize you and I are over. I want you to move on like I did. I am happy now and I don't need you ruining that. To my ex who is struggling to move on, it's time to let go and move on.

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11 Sneaky Signs Your Relationship Is Headed For A Breakup

Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere.

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When you think of a breakup, you may think of weeks of screaming at each other, cheating, lying, and pretty much every other obvious sign you aren't meant for each other.

Sometimes, these signs aren't even there. There may be underlying signs that have been there for a while until it all bubbles up and, BOOM, the breakup happens.

Here are 11 subtle signs your relationship is headed for a breakup:

1. When your S.O.'s name pops up on your phone you feel like groaning.

Throughout your relationship, you would get butterflies when your S.O's name came on your phone. You would be dying to talk to them and tell them all about your day. If it feels like a chore, it might be time to revaluate the relationship.

2. If you live together, you find yourself hoping they aren't home when you get there.

Coming home to your S.O. at the end of every day should be rewarding and exciting. You need to be comfortable in your own living space.

3. You stop wanting to spend time together.

You don't need to spend every waking moment together, but when it seems more like more of a task to take time out of your day that isn't okay.

4. FaceTimes and phone calls become nonexistent.

And if they are existent, the love isn't there and they seem distracted.

5. When you are hanging out, you are checking the time and figuring out when you should leave.

Before, time would fly by and you would be wishing you had more time.

6. Going out on a date seems like a hassle more than an actual treat.

Date nights are rare in busy lives, but when planning them isn't exciting anymore it usually isn't a good sign.

7. When you look into the future you don't see them in it.

You had all your kids names picked out and now you can't even see the relationship getting through the next month.

8. The time between talking to each other increases.

You find yourself forgetting that you haven't talked in a while. And it doesn't necessarily bother you.

9. They irritate you more.

Just their face could bring out anger you didn't know you had.

10. The quirks you once found endearing are now annoying.

Remember the way he'd easily fall asleep in your arms and how it made you feel all gooey inside? Yeah, now it's like he's never awake when you're around.

11. When they stop doing the little things that once put a smile on your face.

No more random "you're beautiful" comments or spontaneous trips to your favorite places in town.

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