The LGBTQ community is constantly being attacked by different people, outlets, and organizations. Nearly every member of the LGBTQ community whom I have met has had their identity questioned — even by people closest to them who want to support them. And I am no exception to this experience.
I have come out twice in my life. First as gay and then again a few years later as bisexual. The questions I received after I came out as bisexual were almost more infuriating and irritating than the questions I received when I came out as gay — and this time a lot of them came from within the LGBTQ community.
On numerous occasions, I was asked why I couldn't "choose," if I was just using the term bisexual to sleep with women until I found a man to settle down with, and many more offensive questions I have suppressed into the deepest parts of my brain.
The questions became worse when I had started to date and sleep with mostly men. I cannot tell you how many times I was asked if I was still bisexual because I hadn't dated a woman in a while.
These questions led me to question my own sexual identity. Can I really still be bi if I've just been dating men? Has my sexuality changed again? Do I need to come out again as straight? Not to be dramatic but I started to have an internal crisis about my sexuality again… for the third time in my life.
I began to ponder why I was dating the people I was. I realized it simply came down to attraction. For some reason, that I don't need to defend (and that I honestly don't know the answer to) I recently have found myself more attracted to men. In the past, I had found myself more attracted to women and non-binary individuals — and I see the change continuing to happen.
For some people their sexual orientation doesn't change for others (like me) it fluctuates somewhere on the binary.
I do not need to defend my fluctuation or come out every time I feel myself leaning a certain way on the binary. However, people need to respect the fluctuation and change of individuals. Nobody is entitled to an explanation every time a member of the LGBTQ community starts dating someone of a different gender than they were dating before. If you have questions, that is one thing — but nobody is entitled to a story on why someone's dating patterns have changed.
Coming out as bisexual is one of the bravest and most freeing things I have ever done. I am queer enough. I am valid enough. My sexuality doesn't need an explanation now or ever.
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