31 October 2016 // At Ursinus College

My Life Dating A Man 25 Years Older

We may be 25 years apart but I've never felt closer to anyone in my whole life.

Cat Urbanski

When I first met him our ages never crossed my mind. I remember guessing his age at around thirty but never asked. When I tell people my boyfriend is much older than me I get the normal response of "How old is he?" Though, honestly, his age never mattered to me, what mattered to me was he was attractive, funny, and sweet. I think I'm getting ahead of myself, so let me tell you how we met and start at the beginning.

I'm a dancer and during one of my team's performances, I landed badly. Really badly, actually. I felt my knee pop and felt an insane amount of pain. As a dancer, I knew the show had to go on so I finished the routines, but I could barely run to my spot. I'll later find out I had tore my meniscus and that I needed surgery. Fast forward and my surgery is done, but now I can't move my knee due to having a big chuck of my meniscus cut out, so I started physical therapy.
Cue my meeting with my boyfriend, who was my therapist. I'll tell you, our first few sessions I hated him because he would scold me for limping and bend my knee in pretty painful ways. I knew he was just trying to help, but damn, I was not about him. My feelings were purely platonic but I grew more respectful of him as my knee began to listen to me again.
I grew even more emotionally attached when he would soothe me, telling me I was doing great, while tears streamed down my face or when I would laugh hysterically from the pain. My fight to get back to dancing was on and my show was a little more than a month away. I refused to not be able to perform, especially because I was graduating that semester and it would be my last time on that stage with my friends.

My therapist, not-yet boyfriend, would work me as much as possible so I could dance, he believed in me and wanted to help me do something I loved. He wanted me to not just be able to do it but be back where I was before the accident. During this time period, I was experiencing a change of heart and my feelings were evolving into something deeper.
I never thought he returned my feelings but I was content with my crush. One night he texted me (I gave him my number for dance show questions) asking me about the show. Sadly he missed it, but there began our relationship. I can say I was happy he was showing me attention, but it seemed too good to be true. Fast forward a month and we are meeting outside the office. Our texting had progressed and shockingly enough, I find out he returned my feelings.

At this point of the relationship, I knew his age and that he had twins who were only 10 years younger than me. Most people would've been freaked out, but I've always been an old soul. Our age difference was not a concern to me. We had a couple more issues to work through, like my whole being a patient thing. A bit of a no-no there. Luckily, I was discharged (my knee bendable and all), and we could date for real.

I'm not saying our age doesn't pose a problem when you take into account I want kids of my own, now we are on a clock but I'm willing to give this relationship a go. Another problem is my family, whom are not thrilled but it's my (or yours, if you are in a similar situation) life to live. If he makes you happy and treats you better than any man your age, then go for it. Be happy and live for you.
I still struggle with family issues and my brother refuses to meet him, which hurts. Badly. It sucks that he can't see that this man makes me happy and that I love him. I try my hardest to not judge others relationships because you never know who you are going to end up loving. People will talk, I feel the gossip and stares within my own family. Most people think there is something wrong with us, maybe there is, but if love is wrong, then I don't want to be right.
I hear the whispers but instead of listening to people whose only goal is to hurt me, I listen to people who respect and support my decisions and relationship. I don't need negative people and people who judge me. Live your life as you want to live it and leave the haters behind in the dust.

We may be 25 years apart, but I've never felt closer to someone in my whole life. I never feel like he is using his age against me and I never use my age against him. If you are open and honest in your relationship and treat each other equally, then be with the person who makes you smile every day. I'm with the man who makes me laugh and loves me unconditionally, flaws and all. Things aren't perfect, but if you love someone, perfect is pretty overrate.