Listen, There Is A Difference Between Talking To Women And Sexual Harassment

Listen, There Is A Difference Between Talking To Women And Sexual Harassment

Come on, guys, it’s time to stop complaining and to start listening.

I don’t need to re-hash the names of all the high-profile men who are being accused of and suspended or fired from their jobs for sexual harassment. If you don’t know, you can Google it, but I’m skipping the introduction and getting to the point.

Recently I’ve seen a lot of people online, mostly men, saying things like, “I guess this means that we can’t ever talk to women anymore!”

This makes me wonder if the men who say this actually think that there is no difference between talking to someone and sexually harassing them.

I could hash out the differences between just talking to someone and masturbating in front of them. But, my dear reader, I think that would be an insult to your intelligence.

So let’s move on to the “gray areas.” The situations that don’t involve touching genitalia. The ones that involve using only words or actions that don’t involve touching the victim at all.

For example, one of my Custodial coworkers once spent the first half of a shift following me around, checking trash cans that I had just pulled the bags from instead of doing his own work elsewhere. Eventually this resulted in me being in a corner with him behind me. When I tried to walk away, he shoved his trash cart in front of me, blocking my path.

“Stop it,” I said.

He laughed, and said, “Stop what?”

I have felt unsafe at work a grand total of two times. This is one of them. (The other involves being nearly struck by lightning.)

Nothing happened after that, technically. I escaped backstage, told one of my coordinators what had happened, and spent the rest of my shift avoiding that man. After a couple weeks of me avoiding him, he finally stopped trying to approach and talk to me.

And I have to wonder if he would look back and that situation and see nothing wrong with it because he was just “talking” to me.

But he wasn’t just “talking” to me. He invaded my space and made a show of keeping me from walking away from him, exerting power over me. And he did so somewhere that I could not afford to shove him away or otherwise make a scene: at work, in front of Guests.

Talking to someone, or interacting with someone, is not inherently harassment. Talking to someone or interacting with them in a way that exerts power over them is harassment.

Are you following someone around, leaning very closely to them, or otherwise invading their space? Would there be negative repercussions for them if they pushed you away, because they’re at work in front of customers, or because they’re locked in your office and you can get them fired? You’re harassing them.

Are you asking someone to go out with you, repeating it every day to show them that you don’t care about their opinion and intend to be a part of their life whether they like it or not? You’re harassing them.

Are you saying or doing anything that makes a comment on someone else’s physical appearance, love life, or sexual behavior? Are you insisting upon hugging or kissing people when you meet them, even if they don’t want to? When someone tells you to stop it, do you laugh and treat it like a joke? You’re harassing them.

“But what if it really is a joke?”

That doesn’t matter. You’re harassing them. If the subject of the joke doesn’t find it funny, then it isn’t funny.

“But what if I really do like them and want to date them?”

That doesn’t matter. You’re harassing them. There are no “good Samaritan” laws for sexual harassment.

“But what if she really does like me, and is just saying ‘no’ to play hard to get?”

Ah, yes, the “girl who plays hard to get,” a lie propagated by Hollywood heroes like Han Solo who just “know” that the girl who says “no” to him all the time really does secretly like him.

Here’s how you find out if a girl is “playing hard to get”: stop pursuing her. If a few days later she comes to you and says, “Hey, why did you stop pursuing me?” then you’ll know she’s interested. If not, then leave her alone.

“But women see harassment everywhere!”

Because, right now, harassment is everywhere.

How much you like your victim is irrelevant. If you wield power over them, they are your victim and you are their abuser. If you make them uncomfortable, they are your victim and you have harassed them.

If you express interest in being near someone or excessively complimenting them, and they do not express a similar interest, it’s on you to not turn it into harassment.

“But I would never do that kind of thing to someone!”

I hope that’s true. Now go tell your friends to cut it out, okay?

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Movie Sex Scenes That Would Never Go Down Like That In Real Life

There's a lot of time, scripts, makeup, and lights that are involved in these scenes that make them what they are, unlike the sex that happens in real life.

Dr King
Dr King

When I was a child, my idea of sex was confined to what I saw in the media — two people rolling around underneath the sheets of their bed. I didn't understand what was going on at the time until my parents had the birds and the bees talk with me, but still, sex was not something that was discussed regularly in any setting so I couldn't help but use the movies and television as my main source for sex education. When I was a teenager, I started watching rom-coms so my idea of sex expanded to a scenario where two people who loved each other effortlessly fall into a euphoric experience and then they live happily ever after.

Then something about the idea I had changed as I watched the series premiere of "Secret Life of the American Teenager," a popular teen drama from ABC family about a girl who struggles with being a mother in high school. One of the first and most memorable scenes of the show is when Amy Juergens talks to her best friends about what it was like to have sex for the first time. Her friends were ecstatic for her at first until she revealed her dismay, telling them "I didn't exactly realize what was happening until, like, after two seconds, and then it was just over. And it wasn't fun and definitely not like what you see in the movies, you know, all romantic and stuff."

I heard those words and was immediately taken aback. As a 13-year-old, sex wasn't on my mind much, but I couldn't help but hope that I could experience the magic I saw on screen. Then eight years later I have sex for the first time and I realized that what she said was right...not about the part about it not being fun, but more-so about the part that sex is not actually like what is depicted in the movies.

Here are five examples in movies that created unrealistic sex scenes for its viewers:

1. "Skyfall"

This steamy scene between Bond and Severine make shower sex look passionate and trouble-free, but do its expectations match reality? No. What they don't show you is the sting from the water getting into your eyes, the awkward positions your bodies have to accommodate with if there's a significant height difference between you and your partner and the fact that water is a terrible substitute for lube because it strips away the natural lubrication your genitals produce.

2. "No Strings Attached"

Sometimes there are those moments when you want to have sex, but you don't have that much time on your hands so you have to fit in a quick session before work in the morning, in between classes, or right before the kids come back home. Though Natalie Portman's "O" face is spot on, the main thing that makes her quickie with Ashton Kutcher's unrealistic is that she still manages to climax after 45 seconds without any kind of foreplay, lube, or toys involved. The female orgasm is still possible during a quickie, but in real life, there will still have to be creative measures involved so that enough stimulation outside of penetration is involved to get her warmed up.

3. "Fifty Shades of Grey"

As much as I enjoyed the playfulness behind Ana and Christian dipping ice cream on each other's bodies and licking it off each other, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at how over exaggerated it became. Yes, I understand that when something feels good, a moan or some type of vocalization will happen, but getting some kisses and licks on your thighs isn't going to have you arching your back like a demon going through an exorcism.

4. "Mr. & Mrs. Smith"

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's chemistry and passion in this scene is undeniable and it almost makes you want to start a fight with your partner just so you two can have some hot, angry sex just like them. Here's the problem though. They go from nearly killing each other to being boo'ed up like nothing happened. While angry sex can be a way for some couples to express emotions through adrenaline, it isn't the answer to our problems and shouldn't be a substitute for healthy communication.

5. "Titantic"

The moment in the movie when Kate Winslet's hand slams against the door of the car and drifts down as we stare at her steamy handprint and secretly wish we were sleeping with Leonardo DiCaprio will always be a classic. However, this scene is still a scam for those who hope car sex is as passionate and heartfelt as that. Truth be told, there's limited space to feel comfortable so leg cramps are inevitable and sliding against leather feels awful on your skin. To top things off, if you aren't careful enough, you may get caught by the police and ultimately have to register as a sex offender depending on your state's laws.

I truly hope for the day that sex in the media is represented in more of a realistic way, but until then, we just have to remember to take movies for what they are. Acting. There's a lot of time, scripts, makeup, and lights that are involved in these scenes that make them what they are, unlike the sex that happens in real life. As a matter of fact, sometimes sex isn't romantic. Sometimes it's not a fairy tale. There are times when it can be mind-blowing and other times when it's awkward, funny, or simply not what we expect. Do I appreciate fictional sex? Of course. But mainstream entertainment should also take the time to show us more than the sex we supposedly fantasize about and also show us sex that we can look at and see ourselves.

Dr King
Dr King

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If You Can’t Tell Your Boyfriend What You Like In Bed, Your Relationship Is Doomed

It's that simple.


Sex is the foundation of a relationship. And so is communication. Put them together with a few sprinkles of trust and empathy and boom! You've got the beginnings of a great relationship.

You don't have to "go all the way" to be intimate. Sharing a connection is all you need, but both parties have to be on the same page. Are you receiving everything you want and need? Are you giving what he wants and needs? Are there sacrifices you both have to make to be sexually satisfied?

Sex makes you happy. A happy girlfriend makes a happy boyfriend, vice versa.

But sex can also be just... nothing. You've got to have "the talk" with the one you're doing the deed with! If you can't do that, then why are you even having sex? Are you even enjoying it or is it just two slapping bodies?

Sex (or sexual intimacy) is vulnerable. It can be scary, but your partner is your person, your best friend, the person who you are closest with. If you're shy about sex even with them, then do you really have a fully rounded relationship? Are you even ready for one? I can guarantee that your boyfriend wants the best for you. Wants to please you. Wants you to enjoy sex as much as you want him to enjoy sex. If he doesn't, then you deserve someone who will want to physically and emotionally please you in the way you require. Simply, call for what you crave!

Everyone is different, sex included. Some people like it rough, some people are vanilla, some people like to take control. Once you figure out who you are, talk about it with your boyfriend. I promise you that your relationship and your sexy time will be a billion times more enjoyable.

Tell him what you like and don't like when he goes down on you or when you're going down on him. If you have boundaries — anal? Handcuffs? Specific locations? Let them know, and touch on every little detail. The more specific you are on what spot you need licked, sucked, and teased, how you want to be kissed, what you want to be said or what music you want playing in the background. Whatever you need to get off!

"Dating is just a sex interview."

I wish I said that first.

If someone isn't getting what they lust for in bed, they're bound to get it somewhere else. Like this woman who cheated on her husband because he didn't go down on her. I'd never condone cheating, but I do believe in breaking up if your needs aren't being met. A conversation has to happen first, though. If you can't talk about your bedroom essentials than how will you be satisfied in life?

I for sure can't live with bad sex for my entire life.

Spilling everything you've got about sex helps to figure out if you and your partner can actually be together. It takes two to tango. If only one of you is satisfied, the entire partnership is unbalanced.

If you've got to start somewhere to balance your relationship, start with sex.

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