Listen, There Is A Difference Between Talking To Women And Sexual Harassment

Listen, There Is A Difference Between Talking To Women And Sexual Harassment

Come on, guys, it’s time to stop complaining and to start listening.
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I don’t need to re-hash the names of all the high-profile men who are being accused of and suspended or fired from their jobs for sexual harassment. If you don’t know, you can Google it, but I’m skipping the introduction and getting to the point.

Recently I’ve seen a lot of people online, mostly men, saying things like, “I guess this means that we can’t ever talk to women anymore!”

This makes me wonder if the men who say this actually think that there is no difference between talking to someone and sexually harassing them.

I could hash out the differences between just talking to someone and masturbating in front of them. But, my dear reader, I think that would be an insult to your intelligence.

So let’s move on to the “gray areas.” The situations that don’t involve touching genitalia. The ones that involve using only words or actions that don’t involve touching the victim at all.

For example, one of my Custodial coworkers once spent the first half of a shift following me around, checking trash cans that I had just pulled the bags from instead of doing his own work elsewhere. Eventually this resulted in me being in a corner with him behind me. When I tried to walk away, he shoved his trash cart in front of me, blocking my path.

“Stop it,” I said.

He laughed, and said, “Stop what?”

I have felt unsafe at work a grand total of two times. This is one of them. (The other involves being nearly struck by lightning.)

Nothing happened after that, technically. I escaped backstage, told one of my coordinators what had happened, and spent the rest of my shift avoiding that man. After a couple weeks of me avoiding him, he finally stopped trying to approach and talk to me.

And I have to wonder if he would look back and that situation and see nothing wrong with it because he was just “talking” to me.

But he wasn’t just “talking” to me. He invaded my space and made a show of keeping me from walking away from him, exerting power over me. And he did so somewhere that I could not afford to shove him away or otherwise make a scene: at work, in front of Guests.

Talking to someone, or interacting with someone, is not inherently harassment. Talking to someone or interacting with them in a way that exerts power over them is harassment.

Are you following someone around, leaning very closely to them, or otherwise invading their space? Would there be negative repercussions for them if they pushed you away, because they’re at work in front of customers, or because they’re locked in your office and you can get them fired? You’re harassing them.

Are you asking someone to go out with you, repeating it every day to show them that you don’t care about their opinion and intend to be a part of their life whether they like it or not? You’re harassing them.

Are you saying or doing anything that makes a comment on someone else’s physical appearance, love life, or sexual behavior? Are you insisting upon hugging or kissing people when you meet them, even if they don’t want to? When someone tells you to stop it, do you laugh and treat it like a joke? You’re harassing them.

“But what if it really is a joke?”

That doesn’t matter. You’re harassing them. If the subject of the joke doesn’t find it funny, then it isn’t funny.

“But what if I really do like them and want to date them?”

That doesn’t matter. You’re harassing them. There are no “good Samaritan” laws for sexual harassment.

“But what if she really does like me, and is just saying ‘no’ to play hard to get?”

Ah, yes, the “girl who plays hard to get,” a lie propagated by Hollywood heroes like Han Solo who just “know” that the girl who says “no” to him all the time really does secretly like him.

Here’s how you find out if a girl is “playing hard to get”: stop pursuing her. If a few days later she comes to you and says, “Hey, why did you stop pursuing me?” then you’ll know she’s interested. If not, then leave her alone.

“But women see harassment everywhere!”

Because, right now, harassment is everywhere.

How much you like your victim is irrelevant. If you wield power over them, they are your victim and you are their abuser. If you make them uncomfortable, they are your victim and you have harassed them.

If you express interest in being near someone or excessively complimenting them, and they do not express a similar interest, it’s on you to not turn it into harassment.

“But I would never do that kind of thing to someone!”

I hope that’s true. Now go tell your friends to cut it out, okay?

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

How Much Do You REALLY Know About Contracting STDs? Take This Quiz To Test Yourself

Time to find out how much you really know.

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I don't care what anyone says, safe sex is better than unprotected sex. There are a ton of myths regarding sex, STDs, and germs. It's time to learn the facts. Be kind to your body and protect it. Be honest with yourself and a partner. Even if it's a one night stand, STDs should be on your mind–don't let it be a turnoff. STDs have been on the rise and "The United States continues to have the highest STD rates in the industrialized world." This is your wake-up call.





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My Parents Didn’t Tell Me To Stay Pure Until Marriage, I Made That Decision On My Own

So, please respect my decision.

tiannat
tiannat
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As we evolve into a more open and accepting world, the one thing that is getting less taboo is sex. It's not something that is talked about behind closed doors. It's something that is on the television screens and easily accessible on our phones. People talk about it and promote it like it's small talk. It's so hard to escape, especially as a young adult.

To say that I am staying pure until marriage is a very uncommon thing, at least in my opinion. Sure, I have friends who are in the same boat as I am. But, even at a Christian college, sex is everywhere and most people are partaking in it. However, I decided to not.

Growing up, my parents never told me to stay pure until marriage directly. I went to church and heard about it in sermons. I knew that by keeping myself pure until marriage, I would enjoy it more knowing that I waited for my future husband. I understand that some people may not agree with me on this topic, but here's why I am saving myself.

1. I want to know that the man loves me.

For me, I want to have sex with someone that I love. Now, you may defend this with the fact that your boyfriend loves you. That's great. But, dating isn't always a sure thing. Boys (and girls) can say that they love you, just to get in your pants. And, they will. It happens all the time. And, because you are blinded by love, you will end up giving in and doing it. But, see, I don't want to be blinded by love. I want to know that the person I am with, is with me forever. By making the biggest commitment aka marriage, that is a clear sign that they love me and want me forever. This is a good example of actions show more than words do. They can say they love me, but when they showcase that love, that's when I know it is real.

2. I want to give all of me to one person.

I heard this great example my senior year that discusses this exact thing. For someone like Hugh Hefner, who was with HUNDREDS of women, when he got older, he said he didn't feel anything anymore when it came to sex. He was numbed by the whole experience. It wasn't pleasurable or for love. By having sex with countless women, he had given a little part of himself to each of them, until he had nothing left. Therefore, by saving myself for one person, they would be getting all of me. As a whole. 100%. This is special because no one else has that except for my future husband.

3. The idea of getting pregnant scares me because of the lack of security.

For the past three generations in my family, they have all had children young. 15, to 17, to 20 years old. Blinded by love. Manipulated by their hormones. They had sex and got pregnant. To see not only 1 woman, but 3 women in my life go through that, I know how difficult it is. You're a kid yourself. Personally, I do want children. However, I have so many dreams and goals for myself. I want to graduate from college. Get a good career. Travel. Fall in love. A lot of that can be halted by a child. I don't know if I would get to achieve everything I want to, especially if I would have to raise the child alone (which usually happens). So, by waiting for marriage, I am using the biggest form of birth control.

4. There's no comparing, if you have only been with one person.

Now, this is different for every relationship. However, everyone feels insecure or uncomfortable when it comes to dating and relationships. Knowing that someone has had sex prior, you wonder if you are shaping up or doing better than the previous. By only having sex with one person, it relieves the stress of comparison.

5. It brings me closer to God.

One important lesson I have learned from friends, college, and personal experience, is that relationships (when it isn't built on God), you tend to stray away from Him. Therefore, by making my relationship with God stronger, I fall in love with Him first. Then, I am capable of loving a boy and committing to something like marriage and sex.

So, no, my parents never convinced me to stay pure until marriage. It was my own decision. I have reasoning for staying pure and it's my choice. So, please stop shaming virginity in the 21st century, because I'm not shaming you if you aren't one.

tiannat
tiannat

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