Newsflash: Doing Long Distance In College Is About More Than FaceTiming

Newsflash: Doing Long Distance In College Is About More Than FaceTiming

It's going to take a lot more work than just calling each other every day.

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For some reason, we have created this idea that doing a long distance relationship in college will be easy or doable for everyone as long as you can make time to FaceTime each other regularly. We act like this is the only thing you have to do to hold a serious relationship together. And, let's face it, if you're willing to do long distance in college, it is a serious relationship and you probably see it going toward forever because if you didn't, you wouldn't be willing to work at it as much as you have to to keep it alive.

I've been in an LDR for two years now, starting on three, and in that time I've learned a lot more than I even knew was possible. I've become close personal friends with heartbreak and pure joy, I've found out what it's like to really commit to something or someone, I've seen the importance of being in the physical presence of another person, and I've learned how to be my best self.

Anyone who tells you that being in an LDR doesn't hurt is lying. It is one of the hardest, most painful things I have ever done. Knowing the person you love and need the most isn't anywhere close to you is a terrifying and horribly sad thought. You learn to lean on friends when you can, but nothing can substitute for your S/O. You find yourself resenting couples walking around campus, happy and in love. Even during your most fun and joyful moments, there is a tinge of sadness because you can't help thinking how much more fun and great that moment would be if your S/O could share it too. You'd rather rip your heart out of your chest than leave your other half because, honestly, that would probably hurt less. Being in an LDR is like being stabbed slowly, just enough to sting slightly most of the time with sharp bursts of pain sometimes.

And what do you do about it? You keep hanging on. A big part of your relationship surviving the heartbreak of an LDR is both of you being stubborn and determined to stick it out and not to let the pain get the better of you. You can't FaceTime away that hurt (although, it certainly doesn't hurt to try).

It takes a lot of work. You both have to be wiling to make sacrifices you never dreamed of making. Sometimes, that sacrifice is time, sometimes it's money, sometimes it's something else. Any long distance relationship that isn't made of two people wiling to give up just about anything for each other isn't going to make it. Your LDR needs the same kind of commitment as your classes; you have to work hard at it and you have to do it a lot.

On those rare, blissful occasions when you're actually physically together, the sad creeps back in because you know that it won't be long before you're apart again. You have to be willing to deal with it and to set all of that aside. It's enough to drive you crazy. You learn quickly how much a hug means to you when your favorite hugger is 300 miles away. You can't recreate the easy silence you get when you're with each other during a FaceTime. And that's just another thing that you have to be OK with.

You also learn a lot about singleness. Because other than the fact that you aren't actively looking for someone to be with because that place in your heart is already filled, you still don't exactly have an S/O in the "normal" way. I know for me, I've learned that, while I could do everything without my boyfriend, I'd rather not. But, I know that I could. And I know who I am apart from another person. But this can honestly be the suckiest part of an LDR too. Because single people, while it sucks to have to wonder if you're ever going to find anyone, can at least be looking and actively trying. Those of us in an don't have that option; it's just another piece of the heartbreak aspect that we learn to deal with.

Basically, if you want your LDR to work, you can't just rely on FaceTime. You've got to be willing to deal and to be better for someone else. You've got to be willing to give up things and to take on a fair amount of heartache all in exchange for this other person that you love. For me, I can't imagine anything else. I couldn't give my boyfriend up even if I wanted to — and we're still working on mastering some of the lessons I mentioned. If you think it's going to be easy, it isn't. But, if you really love the other person, then it doesn't matter because it'll be worth it.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

An Open Letter To The Girl In A Toxic Relationship Who Doesn't See The Signs To Let Go

"it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing" -R.H Sin

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Dear you,

I hope you're doing well. I once thought I was too. I once thought that if he would just change, for me, everything would work. However, my sweet girl, you should not have to change people, you should not have to push people to be better, for you. You cannot help anyone, that does not want to help themselves.

In the movies, we learn to love a bad boy that needs changing. However, it isn't always your job to be boys saving grace. However, his shaming and emotional abuse is not just something you should put up with so that you can love him. That is not loving.

Love is not a constant competition of who could belittle the other one first. Love is not asking for a hug and being told no. Love does not make you feel stupid for bringing up things that hurt your feelings.

Love does not grow angry because you talk to your mom about your feelings. Love does not body shame. Love does not constantly change the passcode to their phone.

Love does not laugh when you find out they're unfaithful. Love does not tell you that you are not smart enough to accomplish anything. Love does not force their hand up your thigh when the words "no" slip out of your mouth.

Love is the warmth of a hand on your cheek when you get anxious. Love is getting your backpack out the car for you. Love is turning around when you need them. Love compromises.

Love is encouraging. Love is proud. Love is forgiving. Love sees you for who you are. Love knows you are worthy.

God is your Father and you are His daughter, so do not believe for one second that this abuse is the love you think you deserve.

Love will not always be easy. Love will be challenging and a constant prayer to not anger so quickly.

However, do not mix up challenging with the abuse. If you are losing the good pieces of yourself, then it isn't love. I know that you put a lot of time and effort into this relationship, but it is no good, you are holding on to someone whose heart is not in the right place to love you.

I connected with a poem from R. H. Sin, once I left my toxic relationship which reads, "it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing."

Darling girl, you are so loved by so many people, do not let this relationship hold you back or make you feel less worthy than you are. I have always been the girl with her nose stuck up in the air smelling for smoke, to follow the trail to a burning house to find a boy that needed saving, but it is more than likely a boy that lit the fire in the first place and needs changing.

So, do not be me, be better. Be the girl that lights her own world on fire, for her work, for her family, for God. You are you and you are amazing, so do not fear being without him.

You will feel as if you have come up for air after drowning in an ocean that you had no idea you were swimming in.

The emotional abuse that this boy has put you through and maybe even physical abuse will leave you building walls around your heart. It will make other relationships hard, but you are so so strong.

You will meet someone that makes you so happy and feel so easy to love, you will never understand how you stuck around with the one that hurt you for so long.

You deserve to grow from this, and I promise you will.

Let go.

xoxo,

The girl who learned from a toxic relationship

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Being Far Away From My Boyfriend Actually Strengthened Our Relationship Instead Of Forcing It Apart

While we were apart, we became closer.

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Before I really start this article, I just want to say that my relationship isn't truly a long distance relationship. We are both college students at the same university eight months out of the year, but the other four months we live quite a distance apart. Even during those four months, we are only about 150 miles from each other as the bird flies, but really about three hours from each other.

Being in a relationship where I'm not able to see my boyfriend every day or even every week has been a real challenge. But it's been a good challenge. It hasn't been a challenge because I've felt unfaithful or fallen out of love with him in any way. It's challenging because I miss him. We both work jobs and our schedules aren't the same and oftentimes we aren't able to talk to each other unless it's early in the morning or late at night. There are times when all I want to do is talk to him and tell him about how my day went and get a big bear hug from him. Unfortunately, I'm not really able to do this.

I firmly believe that being apart from each other for days, weeks, or even months have brought us closer than we could've ever imagined. We knew that this would be difficult, and we knew that there would be bad days, but we decided to power through it. It has made each time that we are able to see each other so much more special and meaningful.

Seeing each other has become more of spending time with each other than just laying around on the couch playing around on our phones. It's become really getting to know each other better and catching up on all the things we had missed. It's become a time for us to simply be in each other's presence and enjoy being able to talk face to face without a phone in the middle of us. We go on more adventurous dates, we take more pictures, and I think we would both easily say that we fall more and more in love with each other after each opportunity we have to spend time together.

Spending time together is no longer a daily activity, but it has become a right to be earned through hard work and several paychecks as travel can become expensive. We no longer take opportunities to see each other for granted, and it has made us grow closer because we aren't able to spend time together often. We look forward to the days when we won't have to worry about being apart but know that this is only a stepping stone in our relationship.

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