Newsflash: Doing Long Distance In College Is About More Than FaceTiming

Newsflash: Doing Long Distance In College Is About More Than FaceTiming

It's going to take a lot more work than just calling each other every day.

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For some reason, we have created this idea that doing a long distance relationship in college will be easy or doable for everyone as long as you can make time to FaceTime each other regularly. We act like this is the only thing you have to do to hold a serious relationship together. And, let's face it, if you're willing to do long distance in college, it is a serious relationship and you probably see it going toward forever because if you didn't, you wouldn't be willing to work at it as much as you have to to keep it alive.

I've been in an LDR for two years now, starting on three, and in that time I've learned a lot more than I even knew was possible. I've become close personal friends with heartbreak and pure joy, I've found out what it's like to really commit to something or someone, I've seen the importance of being in the physical presence of another person, and I've learned how to be my best self.

Anyone who tells you that being in an LDR doesn't hurt is lying. It is one of the hardest, most painful things I have ever done. Knowing the person you love and need the most isn't anywhere close to you is a terrifying and horribly sad thought. You learn to lean on friends when you can, but nothing can substitute for your S/O. You find yourself resenting couples walking around campus, happy and in love. Even during your most fun and joyful moments, there is a tinge of sadness because you can't help thinking how much more fun and great that moment would be if your S/O could share it too. You'd rather rip your heart out of your chest than leave your other half because, honestly, that would probably hurt less. Being in an LDR is like being stabbed slowly, just enough to sting slightly most of the time with sharp bursts of pain sometimes.

And what do you do about it? You keep hanging on. A big part of your relationship surviving the heartbreak of an LDR is both of you being stubborn and determined to stick it out and not to let the pain get the better of you. You can't FaceTime away that hurt (although, it certainly doesn't hurt to try).

It takes a lot of work. You both have to be wiling to make sacrifices you never dreamed of making. Sometimes, that sacrifice is time, sometimes it's money, sometimes it's something else. Any long distance relationship that isn't made of two people wiling to give up just about anything for each other isn't going to make it. Your LDR needs the same kind of commitment as your classes; you have to work hard at it and you have to do it a lot.

On those rare, blissful occasions when you're actually physically together, the sad creeps back in because you know that it won't be long before you're apart again. You have to be willing to deal with it and to set all of that aside. It's enough to drive you crazy. You learn quickly how much a hug means to you when your favorite hugger is 300 miles away. You can't recreate the easy silence you get when you're with each other during a FaceTime. And that's just another thing that you have to be OK with.

You also learn a lot about singleness. Because other than the fact that you aren't actively looking for someone to be with because that place in your heart is already filled, you still don't exactly have an S/O in the "normal" way. I know for me, I've learned that, while I could do everything without my boyfriend, I'd rather not. But, I know that I could. And I know who I am apart from another person. But this can honestly be the suckiest part of an LDR too. Because single people, while it sucks to have to wonder if you're ever going to find anyone, can at least be looking and actively trying. Those of us in an don't have that option; it's just another piece of the heartbreak aspect that we learn to deal with.

Basically, if you want your LDR to work, you can't just rely on FaceTime. You've got to be willing to deal and to be better for someone else. You've got to be willing to give up things and to take on a fair amount of heartache all in exchange for this other person that you love. For me, I can't imagine anything else. I couldn't give my boyfriend up even if I wanted to — and we're still working on mastering some of the lessons I mentioned. If you think it's going to be easy, it isn't. But, if you really love the other person, then it doesn't matter because it'll be worth it.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

Subtle Ways You May Be Disrespecting Your Friend's Relationship

If they make your friend happy, you shouldn't be doing these things.

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No ones significant other wants to tell them they don't like their friends. And trying to tell anyone not to hang out with the people they're closest too is a disaster waiting to happen.

Some people really just don't like their friend's partner, but others have no idea the damage they may be doing to the relationship. If you are more aware of some things to avoid, hopefully, you, your friend, and their partner can all get along in peace.

1. When you see your friend, make sure to acknowledge their partner.

To be honest, this is a basic courtesy. If you go to say hi to anyone in a group of people, it is polite to greet, or at least acknowledge, everyone there. If you completely ignore that your friend's partner is even there, it will make them feel awkward and neglected. Just say hi.

2. Don't be overly touchy-feely with your friend, especially around their partner.

Obviously, this mostly applies to friends of the opposite sex (for heterosexual couples). Look, there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex but just know your boundaries. You may think your friend's partner is being jealous for no reason, but are you doing anything that might make them uncomfortable?

You don't need to always have your arm around them or be leaned up against them. It is really inappropriate to kiss them on the cheek or give them super long hugs, even if that is something you did before they had a partner, and even if it is completely platonic.

You can still hug and be close to your friend, just be respectful of their boundaries. If you don't give their partner any reason to be jealous then they will have no basis to dislike you.

3. If you invite your friend somewhere, it is polite to also invite their partner.

Even if you assume your friend's partner is going to come, it is nice to make them feel welcomed. And if you don't want their partner to come, make sure they are not together or planning to be together when you invite your friend.

You don't have to always have their partner around, but don't make it a habit of not inviting them. If they don't feel welcomed around their partner's friends, then they probably won't feel as confident in their relationship.

4. Don't ever bring up your friend's past relationships, especially around their partner.

Even if they are on good terms. Even if you are still friends with their ex. Just don't bring them up. No one wants to hear about their partner's past relationships or flings. It is embarrassing and uncomfortable to have to hear about your partner's exes.

5. If you are all out together, don't try to separate your friend from their partner.

There is a good chance that if you are out with your friend and their partner, their partner does not know many people there. If that is the case, don't try to separate your friend from their partner.

There may be an exception if their partner has friends around too, or if they are outgoing and can talk to anybody easily, but otherwise, it is really awkward to be in that situation alone. They are with their partner for a reason, and it is nice to make their partner feel included as well.

Just don't make it a habit to always pull your friend away.

6. Don't put your friend in any awkward or risky situations.

If your friend is a cheater, that is not really any fault of yours. But don't be the friend who is known for putting your partnered friend in risky situations.

There is nothing wrong with going out occasionally with your friends, but it does not need to be a regular occurrence, especially if it makes their partner uncomfortable.

Along the same lines, if you know an ex-partner or fling will be there, you don't need to put your friend in that awkward situation. Just be aware of the situation and how it might make their partner feel.

To wrap up, you don't need to completely change your relationship with your friend just to make their partner happy; just make sure to be polite and respectful of their partner and their relationship.

These are some subtle things you may be doing that are hurting your friend's relationship that you don't even realize have negative consequences. Simply be more aware of some of these situations and how they could potentially make your friend's partner feel. After all, the best relationships are the ones where your partner's friends also become your friends.

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My BF And I Were 'Just Friends' And Now We're Celebrating Our One Year Anniversary

Dating my best friend was the best decision I have ever made.

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In August 2017, Brendan and I met. A group of friends invited him and me to go to Wendy's after a meeting for a school club. We talked the whole time — the conversation seemed endless in the best way possible. Later that night, I called him to ask him what water balloons I should buy for a celebration the next day. From that day forward, I cannot remember a day where I have not called him. It started off as nothing more as a platonic relationship from my perspective, but he would advocate otherwise.

Fast-forward to January 2018, Brendan and I started seeing each other outside of school. We would make up excuses and white lies to our friends and parents, saying that we were going to the library to study when really we would just sit in the parking lot and talk for hours until he had to drive me home. He became my best friend. I wanted to tell him everything — good news, bad news, stupid rants, my blonde moments, random and unfiltered thoughts. However, day-in and day-out, I kept denying that it was anything more than a friendship. Again, he would argue otherwise.

On April 27, 2018, I gave in.

We were sitting in his parked Dodge Durango, listening to a pop radio station. I was leaning over the center console to rest my head on his shoulder, and we were waiting for the sun to go down at a park. Abruptly, I looked over at him and ironically asked if he would be my boyfriend. For some reason, we did not tell our family or friends for about a month (sorry, Mum and Dad). I wish I would have realized it sooner, but regardless of timing, dating my best friend was the best decision I have ever made.

Christmas 2018Olivia Zidzik

Since then, our relationship has overcome insane distances.

Being 12 miles away turned into 1,601 miles when he went on a service trip to Boca Chica in the Dominican Republic this past summer. It went back to 12 miles for a little while. However, at the end of the summer, it turned into 413 miles when I moved to the University of Kentucky. In October, we were only a few feet apart as I hid behind his car in his school parking lot to surprise him. After I have returned and left home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break, he decided it was time for him to come to Lexington in March 2019.

All the time spent together and apart brings us to our one year — April 27, 2019.

Hey, Brendan: Although we will be 413 miles apart for it, happy one-year. You have been my rock and my best friend for the past 20-some months, and there are not enough thank you's that I can say to express how thankful I am that God put you in my life. I am so beyond grateful and appreciative for everything you have done and sacrificed for me and for us. I cannot wait to see where our journey will go next, but until then — here's to me and you. I love you. See you very very soon.

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