If I would've written this article six months ago, it would've been a completely different headline, with a completely different message, and most likely, I wouldn't even be part of Odyssey, let alone president of the Bowling Green Odyssey community.
After six or so months, I have thought about writing this article a few times. Each time, I have gone a different route with the message. Well anyways, I've spent time reflecting, caught some feelings, grown a ton, treated myself, and found my voice, and I am ready to write. Except, It isn't angry.
Going into college, I found myself dating this boy. He was amazing, still is. He loves life, loves Jesus, gives of himself every day, is talented, athletic, smart, and driven. He loves his mom, his family, and is an incredible big brother. Many of the things I knew I wanted in a husband. We fell for each other because we had similar values, and we grew to love each other because we knew there was something big in the future for both of us. We thought that life would be peaches and cream and apple butter on toast in the morning, but when it came to real life, maybe we didn't have it so figured out. I like to think that we gave each other what we needed when we needed it.
I am a firm believer that when we were dating we were supposed to be. I believe that we were in each other’s lives when we needed to be. I also believe that we left each other’s lives when we needed to. On the night that we broke up, I remember my roommate wrapping her arm around me as I ~ugly~ cried. I remember calling my dad and him telling me that everything would be OK. However, I remember feeling like nothing would be OK.
I remember that one of the first thoughts that went through my mind was that I was going to have to do it all again. I would have to meet someone again, I would have to date again, I have to go through all of that awkward get to know someone moment again. Someone would have to learn to love me again, someone would have to get to know me again, understand my past, see where I wanted to be in the future.
That was terrifying.
When we were dating, he was my safe place. He was my security and my escape. And anyone who knows me knows that I’m definitely not a big risk taker. They know that I like things to be scheduled, that I like to be comfortable. With him, I was comfortable. at the time I needed that comfort.
I know however that he left my life when he needed to because without that sense of security being taken away from me I wouldn’t be the person I am today. This break up was uncomfortable for me. It took me out of my comfort zone, or quite literally took it away from me. However, it is not with anger that I say that, it is with gratitude because I know that this was the first of many times I would step outside of my comfort zone, leading me to where I am today.
So, thank you. Thank you for the laughs, the hugs, the long drives, and the even longer conversations about life thank you for making me feel safe, and thank you for being there for me when I needed it. I know we didn’t work out in the long run, but I know you’re doing big things. I’m so grateful for the time that I did have you in my life. I know now that it’s OK.