I Wish It Didn't, But Losing My High School Boyfriend Changed Everything

I Wish It Didn't, But Losing My High School Boyfriend Changed Everything

Don't let a simple high school boyfriend ruin your college years.

In high school, I was secure. Safe. I knew everyone and they knew me. I grew up with these people over four years. I wasn’t starting fresh, it was all familiar.

Even graduating, I was still safe because I had my boyfriend. I was terrified of college, and so was he, but we had each other. It sounds sappy, but it was my reality. I thought we were a team. We both went into separate colleges together, and we supported each other.

He was texting me and supporting me on my move-in day, and we Facetimed so much. College, I thought, brought us closer together.

I used to tell him about my day and the classes I was taking, while he told me his. We knew about each other’s friends, however he made more than me. College was exciting for both of us. It wasn’t technically a long-distance relationship being that we were 30 minutes apart, but we both didn’t have cars so it was weeks before we saw each other. I thought we were solid and going great, but I was wrong.

I was SO wrong.

The days came where he never spoke to me. I was lucky if he even texted me “good morning” or even an emoji. I didn’t know what was going on in his life anymore and he couldn’t care less about mine. I used to call him when walking home late at night so that I wasn’t alone if I was being followed and such, but he one day told me to stop calling because he was busy. So, I walked home late at night alone. I always asked if we could facetime, but he said it had to be short (meaning 10 minutes or less) because he had places to be. I even spent $60 on an Uber trip through Atlanta to see him, and he did the same, but that wasn’t good enough for him anymore. I wasn’t enough. Our relationship was at the bottom of his list of priorities. I was pushed aside, and for some reason, I was to blame.

He didn’t want to see or talk to me, I wasn’t important, so he stopped caring.

I wasn’t giving him the roles he wanted in shows, I wasn’t succeeding like he was. Then one day he texts me saying he can’t do it anymore. Ironically, one of the best days of my life. He was gone. Out of my life, he finally set me free. However, in that moment, I felt alone. It was just me. I didn’t make much friends because my whole world revolved around him. I didn’t open myself to making new friends or staying out late with them. We broke up the second semester of college, and by then it was even harder to make friends. I didn’t have anyone. I couldn’t run home to my mom and have her tell me that boys are stupid and I’m better than that. My best friend was back home, and even though she was doing whatever she could to help me, I was still by myself.

By then, I shut down.

I pushed everyone out and partied. I annoyed everyone with my “I still love him” rant and made that my excuse for everything. I pretty much became a terrible person. But I was trying. My sadness turned into anger, which then turned into a state of depression where I failed two classes. I didn’t understand what was so wrong with me that he could easily just walk out of my life.

Skip to a year later, and I’m not angry or sad anymore, and I’m happy.

I got a job, a dog, and a new boy. Don’t let a simple high school boyfriend ruin your college years. We must realize our worth is not put into the hands of guys and I thank him for leaving me. It destroyed me, which made me pick myself up, get myself together, and move on.

Cover Image Credit: PX Here

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first


Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.


Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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