I Lost My Best Friend Because I Tried To Intervene In Her Relationship

I Lost My Best Friend Because I Tried To Intervene In Her Relationship

What he was doing to her it wasn’t love, it was abuse.
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One of the reasons I love college so much is because of all the new people you meet. Whether it’s just someone you talk to in class or someone who becomes one of your greatest friends.

I was really thankful that college brought me my best friend, something I hadn’t really had most of my life.

When she asked if we wanted to get an apartment together I was so excited, instead of trekking halfway across campus to try and hang out in one of our dorms we would be living/doing everything together.

The first couple months were great, living with your best friend is one of the best things to do in college. But shortly after things went downhill when her boyfriend decided to move in without asking me or our other roommates.

I knew her boyfriend our freshman year of college, they'd always invite me out with them. He seemed like a nice guy so I didn’t think much of him being there. But I never knew how accurate the saying “you never really know someone until you live with them” really was.

Soon he was over even when she wasn’t, he would have her keys more than she did, he would try and cause issues between all of our roommates, he would create big messes and never clean them up, he would literally yell as loud as he could at 2 a.m.

But that wasn’t what bothered me the most.

Sure he was annoying, but the way he talked to my best friend is where I drew the line.

My room was the farthest from hers and even I could hear him screaming at her and hitting things.

“You’re such a bitch.”

“You’re really going to lock me out of MY room?”

“Let me in this f*cking room!”

“You’re just going to lock yourself in there again?”

All while banging on the door or hitting things in her room.

I couldn’t believe this was happening, what could I do? What was he going to do? Was he going to hit her? Had he hit her?

Shortly after it would turn into him begging for her forgiveness and saying he was sorry and that he loved her so much. What he was doing to her wasn’t love, it was abuse.

My roommates couldn’t handle living with him anymore, and frankly neither could I. The only thing I could do at that point to try and help her was trying to reason with her and make her see what he was doing to her. I tried to tell her how verbally and emotionally abusive he was to her, how she doesn’t deserve that, how she shouldn’t be treated like garbage by someone who claims to love her.

But the issue with him was that he tried controlling everything about her, including the way she thinks.

After I tried explaining to her how abusive he actually was, she never talked to me again. My other roommates and I moved out and we went our separate ways. I notified our apartment manager of the situation, but she said my friend was an adult and had to make her own decisions, and I couldn’t force her to see what she didn’t want to see.

I wonder if she’s still with him. I wonder if he’s still as mean to her as he used to be. I wonder if he’s gotten worse. I wish so desperately she was finally able to see that she deserved better and decided to move on. I wish there was something more I could have done.

Even though I miss her, what kind of friend would I have been if I hadn’t said anything? Just sat there and let her think what he was doing was okay? Even though I lost my best friend for trying to intervene, I knew I had to. Even if she doesn’t see it today, I hope someday she does see it and it gives her the courage to leave him.

To the girl who used to be my best friend, if somehow you’re reading this I hope you’re okay. I miss you and I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re being treated the way you deserve.

Cover Image Credit: The Hills

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

My Breakups Didn't Ruin My Idea Of Love, They Ruined Me

The most heartbreaking reality isn't even the loss of the person you were with, but the loss of yourself.

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Someone once said to me, "If you dream about me, make sure I save the world."

It made me think of the times I had been in relationships, and how whoever I was dating felt like a dream, they became the hero of my world.

And that is a mistake.

We aren't supposed to do that, we aren't supposed to lose who we are. We should never have to give up our identities for someone else. Allowing them to be the heroes of our dreams, while we stand on the sidelines. Maybe you've experienced a breakup or a divorce even, and it's painful. It might not have been a real relationship, only a potential one.

That doesn't make it any less painful.

It hurts especially for those of us who feel so deeply, who care so much and put others feelings and emotions before our own.

When someone you admire likes you back, but they aren't willing to commit to you, they can't even utter the word "commitment."

They are only willing to do life on their terms, no real commitment that says "I chose you," but rather a friendship, with benefits.

But you admire their affection so much you're willing to compromise your own boundaries and terms.

We lose ourselves to these kinds of things, jumping all in for someone who wouldn't even put their foot in for us. Not allowing distance to get in the way, knowing you'd circle the earth for them, but they wouldn't be willing to drive a mile for you. It's hurtful.

It makes us think, we aren't worth it, we're not good enough, and we ultimately didn't make the cut.

Knowing someday, somewhere, they'll fall in love, have a family, and settle down, but you were never going to be that person. The person they'd love no matter what, because you, you were just convenient for a time. You weren't forever.

But you know we don't always want to hear that time heals all wounds, that things will get better, and this is a natural part of life. One day we'll meet someone else.

But no one else will be them.

They'll never be standing there holding our hands anymore, it's just us.

It's like the final page of a book, we know in our minds it's the end. But it's the end that reminds us of the story. Of all that came before, and the painful reality that the unforgettable tale of your love has been forgotten.

We can feel outraged and seek revenge, or cry ourselves to sleep, but what will that do? what will that solve?

The most heartbreaking reality isn't even the loss of the person you were with, but the loss of yourself. The loss of your time, your energy, and your heart. That's not to say it'll never come back, or that it's gone forever. But pain can feel like forever, and your pain at this moment is your forever. (For now.)

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I Asked 17 People If It's Ever OK To Get Back With An Ex And This Is What They Had To Say

"No, I regret every fucking second I took him back."

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Getting back together with an ex is a touchy subject to say the least. Ask someone their opinion on the topic and odds are, your responses are going to be pretty split. Some people don't see a problem with it, they believe time apart can make the relationship stronger and they don't see anything wrong with a second chance. Others roll their eyes at an on again/off again type of love and say that an ex is an ex for a reason.

I decided to put this question to the test and see just how everyone felt about getting back with an ex. Here is what they had to say.


Note: responses may have been edited for clarity & length.

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