I Lost My Best Friend Because I Tried To Intervene In Her Relationship

I Lost My Best Friend Because I Tried To Intervene In Her Relationship

What he was doing to her it wasn’t love, it was abuse.
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One of the reasons I love college so much is because of all the new people you meet. Whether it’s just someone you talk to in class or someone who becomes one of your greatest friends.

I was really thankful that college brought me my best friend, something I hadn’t really had most of my life.

When she asked if we wanted to get an apartment together I was so excited, instead of trekking halfway across campus to try and hang out in one of our dorms we would be living/doing everything together.

The first couple months were great, living with your best friend is one of the best things to do in college. But shortly after things went downhill when her boyfriend decided to move in without asking me or our other roommates.

I knew her boyfriend our freshman year of college, they'd always invite me out with them. He seemed like a nice guy so I didn’t think much of him being there. But I never knew how accurate the saying “you never really know someone until you live with them” really was.

Soon he was over even when she wasn’t, he would have her keys more than she did, he would try and cause issues between all of our roommates, he would create big messes and never clean them up, he would literally yell as loud as he could at 2 a.m.

But that wasn’t what bothered me the most.

Sure he was annoying, but the way he talked to my best friend is where I drew the line.

My room was the farthest from hers and even I could hear him screaming at her and hitting things.

“You’re such a bitch.”

“You’re really going to lock me out of MY room?”

“Let me in this f*cking room!”

“You’re just going to lock yourself in there again?”

All while banging on the door or hitting things in her room.

I couldn’t believe this was happening, what could I do? What was he going to do? Was he going to hit her? Had he hit her?

Shortly after it would turn into him begging for her forgiveness and saying he was sorry and that he loved her so much. What he was doing to her wasn’t love, it was abuse.

My roommates couldn’t handle living with him anymore, and frankly neither could I. The only thing I could do at that point to try and help her was trying to reason with her and make her see what he was doing to her. I tried to tell her how verbally and emotionally abusive he was to her, how she doesn’t deserve that, how she shouldn’t be treated like garbage by someone who claims to love her.

But the issue with him was that he tried controlling everything about her, including the way she thinks.

After I tried explaining to her how abusive he actually was, she never talked to me again. My other roommates and I moved out and we went our separate ways. I notified our apartment manager of the situation, but she said my friend was an adult and had to make her own decisions, and I couldn’t force her to see what she didn’t want to see.

I wonder if she’s still with him. I wonder if he’s still as mean to her as he used to be. I wonder if he’s gotten worse. I wish so desperately she was finally able to see that she deserved better and decided to move on. I wish there was something more I could have done.

Even though I miss her, what kind of friend would I have been if I hadn’t said anything? Just sat there and let her think what he was doing was okay? Even though I lost my best friend for trying to intervene, I knew I had to. Even if she doesn’t see it today, I hope someday she does see it and it gives her the courage to leave him.

To the girl who used to be my best friend, if somehow you’re reading this I hope you’re okay. I miss you and I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re being treated the way you deserve.

Cover Image Credit: The Hills

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

Take This Quiz To See If You Are Ignoring Red Flags In Your Relationship

Sometimes the red flags aren't as obvious as we think.

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Worried that your relationship is doomed? Try this quiz. Afterall, relationships are complicated. They can get messy. A lot of meshing happens when two independent people come together and try to live cohesively.

We can all think of some major deal breakers that come to our mind when we think about dating criteria, but sometimes the red flags aren't as obvious. Sometimes we tolerate behavior we shouldn't or are made to believe everything is our fault.

Having a healthy relationship should be non-negotiable, but sometimes we don't think the warning signs are "that bad." Well, they are. Toxic behaviors are toxic behaviors, no matter how small.

Take the quiz below to see if you've been ignoring red flags in your relationship, intentionally or not.


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To The Girl Who Loves Him Next, Don't Give Too Much Away

Hold off on being dark and twisty.

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To the Girl Who Holds His Heart After Me,

You're lucky, because he's picky. If he chose you, he sees something in you.

He likes carefree, simplistic, easy. The kind of thing you don't have to force, but the kind of thing that just is. You'll learn to love it, even if it annoys you now.

He's quiet. He'll hold things in and swear that nothing is wrong. He'll get "mad" when you try to force it out of him. Honey, he's not mad. Just stubborn. He'll tell you eventually.

He's prideful. In some ways, his pride won't let him admit that it's time to take a breath. It won't let him ever (ever!) stop working, even for a day. It won't let him admit that he has demons because, yeah, he does. You have to figure these things out on your own. Once you do, it's a whole other thing to get him to open up.

He doesn't realize how great he is. He'll question all the time how he got a girl like you. Remind him that you're there because you chose to be.

The dogs will come before you.

His friends are his family.

It's not that he doesn't want to see you, it's just that he works constantly. (Yes, seriously.) Your time will be few and far between. Cherish the little moments and move on.

He likes to sleep next to someone, even if he won't admit it. And cherish those nights, even if he snores.

Be careful before you tell him your demons. Hold off on being dark and twisty, and for all that is good, hold off on using the L word. He's going to panic, he might just run, and you won't know what to do when or if that happens.

If it does, don't pester. Let him go. He'll come back, apologetic and hardly weary. He just needs a moment. Whether you decide to forgive him is up to you. I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't make the choice to forgive him.

I always forgave him. Every time. Whether you decide to follow that is up to you.

Be careful with him. You never know what you're getting into until it's too late. He has good intentions and an even better heart, but it takes the right person to see it.

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