I Lost My Best Friend Because I Tried To Intervene In Her Relationship

I Lost My Best Friend Because I Tried To Intervene In Her Relationship

What he was doing to her it wasn’t love, it was abuse.
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One of the reasons I love college so much is because of all the new people you meet. Whether it’s just someone you talk to in class or someone who becomes one of your greatest friends.

I was really thankful that college brought me my best friend, something I hadn’t really had most of my life.

When she asked if we wanted to get an apartment together I was so excited, instead of trekking halfway across campus to try and hang out in one of our dorms we would be living/doing everything together.

The first couple months were great, living with your best friend is one of the best things to do in college. But shortly after things went downhill when her boyfriend decided to move in without asking me or our other roommates.

I knew her boyfriend our freshman year of college, they'd always invite me out with them. He seemed like a nice guy so I didn’t think much of him being there. But I never knew how accurate the saying “you never really know someone until you live with them” really was.

Soon he was over even when she wasn’t, he would have her keys more than she did, he would try and cause issues between all of our roommates, he would create big messes and never clean them up, he would literally yell as loud as he could at 2 a.m.

But that wasn’t what bothered me the most.

Sure he was annoying, but the way he talked to my best friend is where I drew the line.

My room was the farthest from hers and even I could hear him screaming at her and hitting things.

“You’re such a bitch.”

“You’re really going to lock me out of MY room?”

“Let me in this f*cking room!”

“You’re just going to lock yourself in there again?”

All while banging on the door or hitting things in her room.

I couldn’t believe this was happening, what could I do? What was he going to do? Was he going to hit her? Had he hit her?

Shortly after it would turn into him begging for her forgiveness and saying he was sorry and that he loved her so much. What he was doing to her wasn’t love, it was abuse.

My roommates couldn’t handle living with him anymore, and frankly neither could I. The only thing I could do at that point to try and help her was trying to reason with her and make her see what he was doing to her. I tried to tell her how verbally and emotionally abusive he was to her, how she doesn’t deserve that, how she shouldn’t be treated like garbage by someone who claims to love her.

But the issue with him was that he tried controlling everything about her, including the way she thinks.

After I tried explaining to her how abusive he actually was, she never talked to me again. My other roommates and I moved out and we went our separate ways. I notified our apartment manager of the situation, but she said my friend was an adult and had to make her own decisions, and I couldn’t force her to see what she didn’t want to see.

I wonder if she’s still with him. I wonder if he’s still as mean to her as he used to be. I wonder if he’s gotten worse. I wish so desperately she was finally able to see that she deserved better and decided to move on. I wish there was something more I could have done.

Even though I miss her, what kind of friend would I have been if I hadn’t said anything? Just sat there and let her think what he was doing was okay? Even though I lost my best friend for trying to intervene, I knew I had to. Even if she doesn’t see it today, I hope someday she does see it and it gives her the courage to leave him.

To the girl who used to be my best friend, if somehow you’re reading this I hope you’re okay. I miss you and I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re being treated the way you deserve.

Cover Image Credit: The Hills

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Literally, so hot RN

Putting Yourself First Means Ending Relationships That Don't Support You Or Make You Happy

When it comes down to it, you can't be the only one suffering, especially if you haven't done anything wrong.

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Yes, you climb mountains for those you love. I'm in complete agreement, but when do you begin to put yourself first?

Trust me, I'll help those I love before I even think about myself. But when it comes to relationships, how high is the expected tolerance if you're hurting, regardless if you're in love? How long is the hurt worth it to you?

This doesn't mean the person doesn't love you, or that they would be unaffected if you left the relationship. They don't want that just as much as you don't want to leave. There comes a time when you need to put yourself first, even if it's just to save your mental health.

Relationships aren't easy. If they're easy, they're really not that worth it (if you ask me). I do believe great things are worth the wait and that nothing worth having comes easily.

With this thought, I have also finally realized that it does not make you a bad person if you decide to say "enough is enough."

Love is amazing but love could ultimately kill you. I mean, dare I get into the love of Johnny & June? Johnny died from heartbreak. There is not a single person in this world that could debate that.

Every relationship goes through trenches and lows of all different levels, and some definitely last longer than others. When it comes down to it, you can't be the only one suffering, especially if you haven't done anything wrong. If there are logistics that the other person needs to figure out before you feel confident that they would truly do anything for you, then that person most definitely needs and deserves the time to make that happen. The question is, how long is your clock?

Typically, I don't push anyone to do anything for me, but I will never hesitate to push someone off the ledge (if necessary) if it means forcing them to go after what truly makes them happy. We have all, unfortunately, had trauma in our lives, and my lesson from my hardships equated to this...

Your happiness is the most important. Your happiness directly affects your health, and it's no secret that a safe, secure relationship can impact as well as improve your lifestyle.

When it comes down to it, someone who loves you will prove that they do. If someone wants you in their life, they will make it work and you shouldn't have to sacrifice your feelings, your beliefs and most importantly your happiness in order for that to happen. Everyone needs constant support whether they admit to it or not (I'm guilty of this), and if the person whom you're devoting your emotions and focus to cannot be that, then you cannot be with them.

I tend to go about things in a way that is viewed as too harsh or too upfront, which is a trait of mine that I do not plan on ever changing. I see no point in staying under the radar and keeping my feelings about absolutely anything to myself, especially if it involves my partner. Being transparent in a relationship can make or break the relationship. If being open about your feelings can break your relationship, or you truly feel like opening up will get you nowhere because your partner "can't do that right now," why the !@#$ would you want to spend another moment in that relationship?

Someone somewhere is waiting and willing to give you everything you deserve, and more, day in and day out. Without you asking, and without you leaving clues about it. Love is hard but at the end of the day, giving love should be effortless. No one should ever experience a moment of feeling alone, not supported, or not worth it in a relationship. You are worth it, whether your relationship is or not.

Put yourself first and in the same breath it will improve your mental stability, your health, and your smile will double. What's better than that? Nothing.

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Cardi B Taught Me How to Deal With Being Cheated On

As Cardi said, "karma for you is gon' be who you end up with."

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My ex cheated on me last year and after a lot of emotional stress it all eventually led to me breaking up with him. Since then I have met someone else who makes me happier than anyone ever has.

My new boyfriend makes me feel like no one else ever has before and treats me like I am a princess, so I was confused when I found myself constantly feeling as if I wasn't enough or I didn't deserve to be this happy.

After all that deep down I knew that after what I had been through that I deserved to have someone treat me like that and to know what it is like to have some one who truly cares about you, but at the same time something in me felt that I didn't.

After some soul searching I realized that these feeling came from how after I was cheated on I felt like I wasn't good enough for my ex and if I wasn't good enough for him how could I be good enough for someone who is 10 times better than him?

I remember after being cheated on he said it wasn't my fault and that I did nothing wrong but when that happens how could I help but feel like I was the one who drove him to do it.

Was I boring? Did I care too much? Did I get fat or ugly? Could I just not even compare to other girls?

For months I kept asking my self these questions and why he did what he did. I blamed him because clearly he was the one who did the cheating but I also blamed my self for not being enough.

Even when I was with my current boyfriend who told me I was the opposite of all of those things I feared, I still was bothered by it.

It made me fear that the same thing could happen to me again and it made me overly self-conscious of all of my flaws.

It was then when I heard "Be Careful" by Cardi B that I really felt like someone understood what I was going through.

She talked about how it hurt to hate someone who cheated on you but how loving them was even harder.

She talked about how the man who cheated on her, made her look at her self differently than she had before and how she was then in the mindset that she was flawed, due to his inconsistencies and cheating.



This was exactly how I was feeling, except that she also added a message that I hadn't been able to put into my mentality yet.

She had the message that at the end of the day the things that she thinks about herself after the cheating that made her question her self weren't true.

She knows that she did everything right. She treated him good and adored him like no one else.

She knows that he was the one who took all of the good in his life and put it on the line for some random girl who doesn't even love him. Therefore, Cardi doesn't seek revenge or hate and just leaves it up to karma.

Why had I not been able to figure this part of the puzzle out yet and why did it take Cardi B to make me realize my own strength?

I now think it was because I didn't let myself open up to the possibility that I may actually have done nothing wrong and that he was just a guy who simply did not respect me or love me enough.

I now know that I am enough. I am better than what he did and that I can't let it stop me from loving my self.

I need to look forward and not back to realize what I have now.

I have someone that I trust and someone who builds me up rather than helps to tear me down.

I have someone who believes in me and pushes me to be the best I can be while supporting everything I do.

Most importantly though, I have someone that I love and someone who loves me.

And for anyone who has ever been cheated on just know that you ARE worth it and that they were the ones who are messed up. Try and let the anger and the hurt go, because when you finally do you will allow your self to accept who you are and allow your self to be loved.

And to the ones who have cheated on someone, I stand with Cardi when she said, "karma for you is gon' be who you end up with."

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