I am a fat woman.
There. I said it. Fat is a word many people are uncomfortable hearing. I don't think I've heard the word "fat" spoken in front of me for years. People are too terrified to hurt my feelings.
Why does fat have to be a bad thing? Well—it's tied to negative connotations—fat people are seen as lazy, ugly, disgusting, undisciplined and incapable.
I'm here to say that I'm sexy, beautiful and fucking capable.
The fat acceptance movement has reclaimed the word fat. Therefore, I try to use it in positive ways as often as possible. P.S. That doesn't mean its OK to use fat as an insult.
As my queen, RuPaul once said, "If you can't love yourself how the hell you gonna love someone else." I'm lucky to have a positive body image. It's never easy to find love for yourself.
It may surprise you to know that I don't have a hard time finding partners. You can read more about my sex life here. However, I'm here to say that I'm sick of potential partners' comments about my body.
If you're not attracted to me, don't pursue me.
Wow, a monumental idea. I don't flirt with folks that I'm not attracted to. If they aren't my type, I don't lead them on. Just to be clear, fat women are not "easy" or "for practice." We are people. Treat us like it.
The average woman is fat.
In case you haven't heard, the average woman is a size 16 to 18. She is a plus-sized goddess that probably struggles to find trendy clothes because brands still refuse to make clothing in our sizes. It's fine. I'm fine.
You deserve a partner that will respect your body.
This goes for everyone. You should have a partner that makes you feel like your body is perfect. To be clear perfection is not the absence of flaws. I don't want a photoshopped body. Impossibly beautiful is not my move. Perfection is being perfectly me. I can be that every day.
Lastly and most importantly—
Don't project your own insecurities on to your partner.
If you're insecure about dating a fat person, don't that project that on to them. If they love themselves, you should too.
If you're insecure about your own body image, then have some self-reflection time. It's not OK to not be OK. But remember not to project that onto other folks.