If you are reading this, you are hurting and you are hurting deeply. What if I told you that you aren’t actually hurting because of what he did or said to you, but you are hurting because of the things you do and say to yourself? Relationships can be complicated but the most dynamic relationship is not between you and this boy; it is between you and yourself.

You see, he can tell you that you are beautiful, that you are brilliant, and he can even notice when you do something different with your hair. What he doesn’t have the ability to do is make you love yourself.

He can shower you with love, but if you don’t love yourself, it will never be enough. If he tells you, “you’re the most beautiful woman, ever,” and you begin thinking about all of the women that you think are more beautiful than you, or maybe you start thinking about all of the areas of your body that are flawed– then he is not the problem.

He is trying to tell you how he sees you, but you are the one rejecting his words. And, you are rejecting his words, not because you hate them, you just aren’t in agreement with them. If he tells you, “you are so brilliant,” but you think back to all of the dumb things you have done, and you start disagreeing with his statement, then you again, reject the love he is offering you.

He loves you and he wants you to feel it, but you can’t physically or emotionally accept his love until you, my darling, love yourself completely. You want to feel loved. We all do. But love starts with you, and it grows from there. Would you ever allow your friend to speak to herself the way you speak to yourself? Probably not. What does that tell you? You need to change the way you treat yourself.

These are practical steps to start loving yourself so that you can feel the love He actually has for you.

1. Look at the areas of your body, all of them, and begin building a relationship with them

Tell your hips you love them and tell them why. “I love you, because one day you will be great for carrying children on.” Tell your eyes they are stunning, “you are stunning, because I can see my truth inside of them, and it makes the color a little more vibrant.”

2. Make a list of all of the things you like about yourself

Example: I love the way I unintentionally make sound effects to entertain a child. Or, I love the way I skip a little in my step when I am excited. And, I love the way I can put my needs aside to comfort my friends.

3. Now, journal about the way love makes you feel

For example: Love makes me feel rich in a way that matters, or love makes me feel full of joy, and love makes me feel invincible.

Begin to examine how great you really are.

Now, understand that you can feel all of those things by simply loving yourself. Love is a powerful expression. In fact, some wait until they are married to say it to one another. The power love holds is power that you can shower yourself with.

Love is an inside-out feeling. Meaning, it must start inside your relationship with yourself, and from there, it can be fed by love from the outside world. Love is complicated, it’s frustrating, and it is easier said than performed –especially when it is between you and yourself. But, in the end, the outcome is worth the dirty work. It’s worth the vulnerability. It’s worth the process.

Love yourself, girlfriend, because you deserve to have a flourishing life of love, and it all starts with you.