First and foremost, I am a firm believer in the age-old "what's meant to be will be."
I've repeated this mantra over and over when it seems as though my life will never fall into place, from getting into college, to health struggles, to relationships, it's constantly on my mind.
And most of the time, I am content to wait for what's "meant to be." I may not have gotten into the college I originally wanted, but I ended up at the one where I feel I'm supposed to be. I may have had some rough times when it came to my mental health, but in the end, I learned how to manage my stress, and I've created better coping habits because of it. When it comes to relationships, however, I've found that it's much, MUCH harder to be patient and wait for what's "meant to be."
I don't know why it's harder to have faith that relationships will work out and that you will end up with who you're meant to be with. In college, this seems to be multiplied by 1,000. This probably stems from the preconceived notion that everyone finds their soulmate as soon as they step on campus—which couldn't be more wrong. As I started my college career, I was more concerned with finding my calculus class than I was with finding a boyfriend. This seems to be the case with almost everyone else I've spoken with, too.
But then, as everyone starts to settle in, the focus begins to shift. Many upperclassmen are already in relationships, and freshmen start to date around, too. Some do it for hookups, some do it for relationships, and some just do it because it's what's expected in college. But before you find "the one," you probably have to go through lots of people who aren't the right person. And while you're weeding through the people that you know aren't right for you, it can get frustrating.
I've found that it's very easy to get frustrated when someone you hoped would be "perfect" does something that ends up a total dealbreaker. In talking to others and gathering information, I've discovered that these dealbreakers can be split into 3 main categories:
1. Only talking to you because they're expecting a hookup.
We all know this person. You talk to them, and you like them. So you hang out with them and maybe agree to go on a date. Then you find out that the only reason they pursued your company was that they were expecting a hookup. And if you don't want to hook up with them, they lose interest.
2. Expecting to instantly be in a committed relationship.
Whatever stage of your life you're in, this can pretty much always be an issue. Rushing into things or expecting a long term relationship right off the bat is unfair to ask of someone.
3. Getting frustrated when you don't immediately know what you want.
In my opinion, this is the worst offense, and also the most frustrating for the opposite party. Human beings are just that—human. To expect someone to quickly decide whether or not they want to be in a relationship is too much pressure.
Now that we've talked about the common issues, here's where the problem arises.
Many people are willing to look past these issues simply for the sake of having a significant other. You may be thinking, "These issues are major dealbreakers. Why would anyone look past them?"
This leads us back to the matter of "what's meant to be will be." When faced with any of these issues, it's very easy to say, "This just must not be the right person. When I find the right person, they won't do any of these things." But in the meantime... what do you do?
You get bored and lonely, and maybe even sad.
So, what do you decide to do while you wait patiently (or impatiently)? You can choose to wait for the one who's "meant to be," but you might be sad and lonely in the meantime. You can choose to deal with all of the frustrating dates, because at least you're experiencing things and have someone to hang out with, but you also have to deal with a lot of annoying dealbreakers. Or, you can forget about relationships entirely and move to Switzerland to become a goat herder.
Whatever you choose to do, keep in mind that everything will work out in the end. We all have our "meant to be" — even if it surprises us sometimes.
But, yeah...it'd be nice if what's "meant to be" could HURRY UP a little bit.
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