What The Average Guy REALLY Thinks When He Walks Into Victoria's Secret

As an American guy, it has been ingrained in my brain by mainstream media and how I was raised to like when a woman wears lingerie. I mean, that's what it's made for, right? As we all know, Victoria's Secret is the front-runner of women's lingerie, with stores in just about every department mall in America. Sometimes, women go alone or take their friends or romantic partners with them. Victoria's Secret always unveils what's on the female's mind, but not on the average guy's mind.

Allow me to show you...

1. There are half-naked posters, everywhere...

Who is their target here? Females who don't feel like the picturesque models on display in-store? I might be a guy, but being surrounded by the image of half-naked women in public is uncomfortable, mainly because I'm surrounded by 100 fully-clothed women in the store.

2. There's SO... MUCH... PINK

Okay, I'm definitely not a woman or an interior designer. But pink accents, with pink furnishings, pink lighting on the outside, and pink displays everywhere is a little much, don't you think?

3. $39.99 for this lace top? Bruh.

Yes, women should pay $40 for HALF of a lingerie outfit that they are likely going to take off after 5-10 minutes anyway.

4. This stuff definitely isn't "heavy-duty"

What's better than paying for overpriced undergarments? Paying for overpriced undergarments that should have rip hazard warning tags on them. Thank God I'm a guy and all I'm expected to wear is... nothing.

5. What's up with this lighting?

So you walk in and you're blinded by 2894893 vanity lights, and have to dodge a minefield of them as you walk around the store. Seriously what's the point? This is a bra, panties, swimwear, and perfume store... not makeup.

6. Perfume with the power of a wrestler?

I'm strolling along and then I'm clotheslined by the power of the perfume being sprayed, in addition to all of the women coming in the store wearing the scents they are looking to buy. I can't be mad at people wanting to smell good, but we need some ventilation or something up in here.

7. Oh crap, every woman in here is looking at me

What is everyone thinking of me? Do they think I'm a perv just walking around in here not knowing I am musing for my article? Do they think it's sweet that I might be buying something for my non-existent girlfriend? The world may never know.

8. Where are my bros at?

So, not only am I the only guy in here but every girl seems to be with another girl. Do men never journey into this pink abyss? Or are all of these girls single? I'm sure not going to ask them.

9. *Jokingly holds up a bralette* "Oh yeah, I could make this work"

This must've been what all the girls meant by "embrace your feminine side," right?

10. Hold up. Who is Victoria? What is her secret?

But seriously, why aren't we talking about who Victoria is? I bet Victoria's secret is the secret to how Jennifer Aniston doesn't age. Probably not though.

11. Gender inequality is real.

It's pretty easy for a woman to stroll into Belk, Macy's, or JCPenney and get a pack of nice Polo briefs for her man. But for guys, this store is more awkward for us than 7th grade health class. What's up with that?

12. Guys are garbage.

Haha I spent $50 on my shoes, and maybe $30 for my shirt and shorts. Two full sets of bras and panties could set a woman back $100. Another way in the world guys have it easy, and I have never felt guiltier.

13. *Holds up a complicated piece of lingerie* "How does this technology work?"

Seriously, I'm cranking a lever and going through 382 hooks just to figure this thing out... it's probably best not to ask questions.

I've lingeried (haha get it, lingeried... it's a pun on lingered?) in here long enough, because I'm pretty sure the wonderful ladies at checkout have scoped me out top to bottom. May I never have to return to this confusing pink hell, but I applaud you ladies out there for enduring it all (whether it is for your partner or just to feel good about yourself).

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Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

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14 Things Every College Student Should Do This January To Improve Their Sexual Health

There is nothing sexier than safety


It's that time of year again, my friends. Everyone is running around trying to fulfill their resolutions of working out regularly, eating healthier foods, and focusing more on academics. But what's just as important as these resolutions is the decision to better your sexual health. As college students actively exploring our sexualities, we are always at risk for unwanted STIs and pregnancies, so it's time we take charge of our bodies this year and work to be safer when we have sex.

Here are 14 sexual health resolutions that you can easily make in your life to improve your wellbeing in 2019:

1. Carry your own condoms, lube, and other incidentals 

It's important that you are always prepared for an unanticipated sexual encounter. If you're going to a bar or a party where you know you could meet a potential hookup, be sure to have the necessary means of protection. That is, keep condoms in your pocket, wallet, or purse if you're interested in having sex with men. It's not a bad idea to also invest in lubricant, dental dams, and other items that will lessen your risk of contracting an STI or becoming pregnant.

2. Get screened for STIs

What better way to kick off the new year than by ensuring that you are entering it STD-free? Book an appointment to get tested at a local clinic, a nearby Planned Parenthood, or at your university's health center. A lot of colleges offer free screenings for HIV and other prevalent STDs, so why not take advantage of the offer and confirm that you're 100% healthy?

3. Make sure your birth control method still works for you

Whether you have an intrauterine device (IUD), the patch, or the pill, it's critical that you're happy with the method of birth control you choose to use. You have every right to be comfortable in the process of being protected. If something doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to talk to your physician or OB/GYN about adjusting your treatment plan to suit your needs.

4. Consider getting the HPV vaccine

Contrary to popular belief, the HPV vaccine isn't just for high school teenagers. It's recommended for people from age 9 to 45 because it not only guards you against the STD itself, but it also protects you from HPV-related genital warts and cancers of the cervix, anus, vulva, and vagina. If you engage in a lot of high-risk sexual activity or are knowingly exposed to partners who have HPV, you might want to arm yourself with the vaccine. If anything, it'll allow you some peace at mind the next time you hook up.

5. Get into the habit of peeing after sex

Women in particular are advised to urinate no later than fifteen minutes after sex. Why? Because voiding your bladder flushes out any bacteria that might have been introduced to your urethra during intercourse. Your vagina has a sensitive pH balance that may be interrupted when you engage in sexual activity. By peeing after a sexual encounter, you lower your risk of disrupting your natural probiotic bacteria and contracting an STI or a urinary tract infection (UTI).

6. Try limiting your hookups (or be more cautious about them)

As long as you're being safe and smart about your hookups, you don't need to worry about your sexual partners in terms of quantity alone. But perhaps you fear that more encounters will expose you to unwanted diseases and risks of pregnancy. If you're looking to break away from the hookup scene, you have every right to limit yourself and refuse to engage in casual relations. At the end of the day, no one else's opinions matter—it's all about your sexual health and your comfort.

7. Take time to get to know your own body

That's right—I'm talking about the intimate art of self-pleasure. How can you expect someone else to satisfy your desires, after all, if you hardly know what you enjoy yourself? Find some private time in your day to explore your body and your sexual preferences. Experiment with different stimuli and you will be sure to discover a combination that works best for you. And besides, masturbating feels good and can relax you after a long, stressful day.

8. Don't have sex when you're drunk or high

Being sober during sex is the best way to stay alert and grounded to what is going on. If you're tipsy or buzzed, it may be harder for you to excuse yourself from risky situations and you may put yourself in a position where you could be taken advantage of. It's never your fault if you are violated while under the influence of alcohol or other drugs, but you can prevent these tragedies altogether by keeping your mind clear when having sex. Unless you're with a trusted romantic partner, keep the drinks or the smoking to a minimum when engaging in casual sex.

9. Treat your STI as soon as you know you have it

Some STIs are curable with the proper medications and procedures. If you test positive for syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, or trichomoniasis, diligently taking the needed antibiotics will clear up the infection. Advise your sexual partners (that is, anyone who may have been exposed to the infection) to receive treatment for these diseases as well. Unfortunately, there are no known cures for hepatitis B, HIV, HPV, or herpes simplex virus, but you can still manage your symptoms and prevent further complications down the road.

10. Talk with your roommate(s) about how you should go about having sex

It isn't exactly the most fun discussion to have, but it has to be done. Roommate etiquette is at stake here, and the last thing you and your roommates want is to barge in on someone else's private time or to be exiled from the space for hours on end without any advance warning. If you have a long-term partner that you plan on having over frequently, be courteous and tell your roommate(s) when you'll be together. Make an agreement that you are both entitled to having the room/apartment to yourselves now and then and always make an effort to respect each other's boundaries.

11. Practice better genital hygiene

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Forget about douching or using frilly scented soaps on your nether bits—practicing genital hygiene is a lot easier than you'd think. All you need is some mild, unscented soap or wash and a little bit of warm water and you're good to go. You can also think about grooming your pubic hair regularly if you'd rather not keep it grown out. Try to find a shaving cream that's specialized for sensitive skin, because ingrown hairs and stinging sensations in your crotch area are never a good time.

12. Be more confident about expressing your desires in bed

Your pleasure is just as important as your partner's. No matter what the circumstances of your sexual relations are, you should be comfortable expressing your desires in the bedroom and receptive to your partner's suggestions as well. The experience will be best for both of you if you stay invested in each other's satisfaction from beginning to end. Don't be too shy to talk about what you enjoy beforehand or speak up during intercourse—it's all about both parties being engaged by what's happening at all times.

13. Don't be afraid to ask for your partners' sexual histories

You have every right to know where your partners have been in the past. You are, after all, having sex with every one of your partner's previous partners when you have sex with them. Likewise, you are morally obligated to disclose your own sexual history if your partner asks you, too. For both of your sakes, make sure there's no air of mystery between you that will come back to surprise you later.

14. If you have experienced sexual violence, consider talking to a counselor

If you are a victim of sexual assault of any kind, know that you are not alone and that a critical part of healing from what happened is acknowledging that you have the strength to get better. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings, whether that's a loved one, significant other, a doctor, a teacher, or a counselor. You owe it to yourself to believe in a new beginning, and that all starts with moving on from this tragedy at your own pace.

2019 is going to be the year that we all take care of ourselves more than we ever have before.

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