Maybe I have extraordinarily high expectations for men, but they constantly disappoint me. Obviously, there are good gems in the sea of disappointment that is the male population, but overall I believe men fit into these three categories: trash, compost or recycling.

Men that are trash are men that cat-call you when you're walking by with an incredibly on-point outfit. These men are classified as trash, simply because I already know how attractive I am and I don't need some random stranger screaming at me from their car to reinforce this idea.

Men of the trash category are the creepy guys who follow you at parties and try to get you drunk enough to have sex with them. Typically, I classify a man as trash when he ONLY cares about my body without EVER getting to know me, as a person.

Compost men are a little better than the trash, but not by much. These men will randomly ghost you after talking to you for months. These men cause massive self-doubt and make incredible women feel terrible about themselves. (Most tinder boys fit into either the compost or trash categories, just for the record).

Compost men will have you constantly drunk-texting them just because you really want to talk to them and they're playing hard to get constantly.

Compost boys are some of the biggest disappointments because they can disguise themselves as recycling only to leave you fooled later. A metaphor for this situation would be one stumbling upon a filthy box of Rolling Rock thinking that it's full of empty beer cans to discover it's actually full of rotten food.

Also, if you've ever met the human equivalent of what I've just described, I'm so sorry.

Recycling men are the best of the worst. These are the men that don't make you second-guess their intentions. They're honest and blunt with you. They tell you exactly how they feel because they realize being straightforward is the easiest way to respect someone else's feelings. These men are incredibly rare or insanely difficult to find but they're the ones worth looking for.

The recycling men hold no guarantee for not shattering your heart, but at least they'll tell you how they feel instead of making you guess. Unfortunately, whenever I find one of these men, I'm so terrified of ruining the friendship that I friend-zone them immediately.

Maybe if men started stepping up to become the recycling rather than the trash and compost, friend-zoning wouldn't have to be such a crazy phenomena.