15 Signs You're In An Abusive Relationship And Need Out Now

15 Signs You're In An Abusive Relationship And Need Out Now

Don't ignore the warning signs of an abusive relationship, they may just save your life.
MishSays
MishSays
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When people think of domestic abuse they tend to focus on the physical aspect of it.

A lot of people refuse to believe they are victims if the abuse is not physical. Many also believe abuse stems solely from men. Those things could not be farther from the truth. There are plenty of signs your partner is mentally, emotionally, or psychologically abusive that have nothing to do with gender or getting physical.

It's true that physical violence can be deadly, but that doesn't make mental or emotional abuse any better. This type of abuse can negatively impact entire personalities, self-esteem, friendships, and overall mental states. It can cause depression, anxiety, and may lead to self-harm. Mental abuse is equally as dangerous since the victim hardly ever knows if the abuser's actions will turn violent.

The absence of hitting doesn't mean a victim isn't a prisoner of abuser, sadness, fear, isolation, and feeling hopeless.

Mental and emotional abuse can be happening to you without you even knowing it. It can happen to anyone, anywhere, and at any time. As Domestic Violence Awareness Month comes to an end, abuse awareness should not. To ensure fewer people remain in these types of harmful relationships, it's important we talk about abuse more.

Don't overlook, ignore, or even deny this problem. Look for these signs to see if your partner is abusive toward you.

1. They get upset if you want to spend time with your friends or family.

If your partner wants you all to themselves it might be a sign they are controlling. Spending time with one person all the time is not healthy for either party. Love aside, everyone needs his or her space. If you want to spend time with your best friend or your cousin, that should not spark an argument.

2. They make negative comments about everything.

A person that views everything in a negative way will eventually even see you that way. Listening to someone that is always being a pessimist about everything can be a big challenge. Not only is it draining, but that kind of negativity can also turn you into that type of person.

3. They are unpredictable.

Abusive partners will hardly ever be predictable with their moods. Are they going to come home angry or happy? You'll rarely be able to tell. Will the fact that someone followed you on Instagram cause a fight? Or, will something so small like too much traffic cause tension between you two? If you're constantly worried about them getting upset with you, this is a red flag.

4. They don't show interest in your interests.

It is difficult to accept that the person you love might not care about you the same way. If your partner doesn’t take interest in things that are important to you that is a problem. Anyone that really cares for you will want to be involved in your world. When someone begins to put down your interests, hobbies, or profession, it's a sign they might be abusive.

5. They are angry drinkers.

Drinking excessively can change a person’s behavior. There has always been a connection between alcohol abuse and domestic violence. If you think your boyfriend may have a drinking problem talk to him about it. If he doesn’t want to change this habit, chances are he won’t change. When your partner begins to lash out at you while drunk, it's time you reevaluate the relationship. Being intoxicated is no excuse for violent behavior.

6. They talk you into doing things you've clearly and firmly said "no" to.

Talking someone into doing something they don’t want to do is not okay. Remember you can always say NO! If you've said no and your partner continues to insist you do something out of your comfort zone, that's not okay. Let this be a warning that you need out.

7. They constantly talk down to you or belittle you.

This is a red flag you should not ignore. Making someone feel small is a form of manipulation. Remember that if a person loves you, they will try to empower you and not put you down. Verbal abuse often leads to physical abuse. You have the power to stop it before it starts.

8. They are unreasonably jealous all the time.

This is a sign that your partner is incredibly insecure. Trust and communication are the most important aspects of a relationship. The type of jealousy I'm talking about goes beyond the "what did you do last night" question. I'm talking about getting accused of cheating simply because you waved at the security guard. Jealousy can also be disguised as manipulation through what you wear.

Examples would be, "I don't want you to wear that, because people might want you" or "If you wear that you'll just look trashy."

9. They make everything seem like it is your fault.

This is a form of psychological abuse. If he uses guilt trips to turn the tables on you, GET OUT! Ever heard of gaslighting? This manipulation technique is used to make victims doubt themselves. Abusers will say or do things, then try to convince you they didn't until they make sure you're terrible at remembering things. Sometimes, this can be so extreme it can make you question your sanity. So, don’t believe everything is your fault!

10. They use guilt to blind you.

Sometimes abusers will act like they truly feel guilty for all the things they've done wrong to you. If this is a pattern, all they're doing is manipulating you into feeling bad for them. This causes victims to forgive their abusers and on occasion support them to be better. It's a vicious cycle.

11. They are quick to give you ultimatums.

Ultimatums are simply threats that an abuser will use to force their victims into doing things. This is just another form of control and manipulation.

12. You feel like you're walking on eggshells.

Do you have to clean before your partner gets home? Do you need to have dinner ready by a certain time? Are you careful with your words and actions to make sure your partner doesn't get angry? No one should live in fear that their everyday actions might cause an argument with their partner.

13. They call you terrible things.

This is just plain verbal abuse. No one should ever call you bad names. You already have a name and if he doesn’t want to call you by that name he has a problem. This is a form of bullying. Put a stop to this immediately, because there are lines that should never be crossed.

14. There's a constant cycle of fighting and making up.

Usually, an abuser will fight with their partner, then make these grand apologies, and promise it won't ever happen again...until it does. The reality is it will continue to happen. This cycle won't stop until you get out, and if you don't it usually only gets worse over time.

15. You need to ask for permission.

If you have to ask your partner for permission to go out, use your phone, wear certain clothes, or hang out with your friends, they are being controlling. You are an adult who can make your own decisions.

If you think that your relationship falls under any of these categories, you could be in a mentally abusive relationship. Physical or not, abuse is abuse and it is never okay. If you need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

MishSays
MishSays

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first

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Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

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Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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