Millennials Have Adopted A Culture Of 'Un-Dating,' And Frankly, It Needs To Stop

Millennials Have Adopted A Culture Of 'Un-Dating,' And Frankly, It Needs To Stop

Ghosting, “just hanging out" and secrets. Who decided it was okay?

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As a millennial, I have come to notice typical behavior of my generation that was not passed down from that prior. We are the generation who grew up still playing outside, the ones who did not play on iPads at three years old, and the generation that has completely destroyed dating.

When I decided I was going to write this article, I had full intentions of writing an eloquent article, giving my opinion, and pleading on behalf of the emotions of both girls and guys, who have fallen victim to millennial dating habits. However, I don't know how refined I can be when I am talking about a subject matter that I never dreamt could become this much of a problem.

Instead of asking a girl on a date, we get asked to “hang out". Instead of dating, people are “talking" (does anyone even know how to clarify what that means, because it's still beyond me). Instead of chivalry, people have begun “ghosting". Instead of being straightforward with your intentions, you get people caught up in deciphering “mixed signals" and being too afraid to ask what their significant other wants out of the arrangement.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who has noticed. There are terms that we as a collective have come up with, and I still don't fully understand what they mean, nor do I know who on earth decided it was okay. For example, ghosting. If you're unfamiliar with this term, so am I. From what I've gathered, it's something along the lines of dating someone, and then disappearing on them, dropping all forms of communication and acting as though the relationship never happened.

REALLY? Who decided they would put up with that and since when did being utterly disrespectful to even basic human feelings become a norm? Where is the respect for others' emotions? Where is the desire for true, honest to God human connection and true love?

I'm not saying we need to go full-on “Notebook" style, with 365 days straight of handwritten letters (Although, I don't think that would be a bad idea), but we at least need to regain a sense of decency and respect for one another.

If you only want to be friends, be honest. Promising more, and then disappearing is no way to treat a fellow human. You don't have to date everyone you go on a date with- you do need to understand that they have feelings and are worthy of an explanation. If you think a girl is cute, tell her and ask her on a date for goodness sake. Don't send her “you up?" snaps or act indifferent because you don't want to come on too strong.

I know dating is hard, and it can be scary. It gets messy, sure. Feelings get hurt, hearts get broken, but we can assuage that and lessen the blow if we choose honesty and compassion for one another over selfishly keeping our intentions to ourselves, whether it be for fear of hurting someone's feelings, or just not wanting to “deal" with a break-up.

Be honest, be kind, and be straightforward with what you want. It will be much easier finding someone who shares the same views and desires if we just outright say what we want instead of hiding behind text messages or running away.

You just might find the love of your life that way.

Cover Image Credit: Kaitlin Pastor

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Am A Hopeless Romantic Living In A World Where One-Night Stands Are The Norm

It's the little things.

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In today's society, it can certainly start to feel like no one takes love seriously anymore.

Whether it's that one couple who has broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count, the two friends-with-benefits no one can figure out, your local womanizer, or just hookups in general, love and lust are a huge part of specifically college life and culture.

As a hopeless romantic, being part of a generation that "just wants to have fun" can be really frustrating, especially when you just want to find something real. It is so easy for people to put on a fake act just to get what they want and sometimes this can be extremely hard to see through. I'm sure we've all had some kind of incident with someone who played nice but had ulterior motives and the sad truth is that it can be impossible to recognize a person's artificiality.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I have always classified myself as such, and it has remained true. Sure, I can make the most of the freedoms I have as a single college woman, but deep down I just want to find my person.

I've had my fair share of letdowns, and I think we all have, but being a hopeless romantic makes it that much more difficult to get past the "what ifs" and fantasies that come along with starting something with someone new. We may already have our hearts set on a person when they decide they've gotten what they wanted and leave.

For me, I find myself caught up in the little things that someone does. I have always been someone who picks up on small details in situations, and sometimes this works against me.

I pick up on the small facial expressions that he may not even realize he is making; the ones that tell you when their guard has been let down, even just for a split second.

I pick up on the way he sits our two cellphones side by side on the nightstand, taking care to line them up perfectly as if that's just their spot.

I pick up on the short moments of laughter where he actually lets himself laugh and forgets about the act.

I pick up on things, and sometimes I end up hurting because of it.

When it comes down to it, though, I wouldn't change the way that I am. I wouldn't change the fact that I find myself in the search for more in a society that mostly only offers me less.

The trait that tends to hurt me most is also the one that I value most. Even if noticing all the little things is something that contributes to my own heartache, I love those moments. There is something beautiful about those tiny things shared by two people, even if the connection ends there.

Sure, it can be hard. But so can everything.

It's just a matter of finding the beauty.

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Dedicate Your Summer To Bettering Yourself For Yourself, Not Your Ex

Why waste energy on an ex who doesn't care about you anymore?

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I'm single for the summer (yet again, no shock there) but this summer there's something in the air that just feels different. It's the feeling of true acceptance of my single status.

Last summer I was single when I really didn't want to be. My heart with still holding out for a guy who wasn't interested in anything more than my friendship. It took me from late March all the way until Halloween to get over those feelings. However, while working through those tough feelings that summer, I came to enjoy my time on my own and not talking to anyone except my best friends. I didn't have to worry about when I'd get a text back, or if I'd be left on read, or who he'd be out with since I wasn't around. The only thing I needed to worry about was my paychecks and tan lines.

Sometimes after breaking things off with someone who you put so much effort into, whether it was a boyfriend, an almost relationship, or even a friend with benefits, it's easy to want to show off on social media and make them regret ever hurting you or ending things. Why? It's a nice little ego boost, sure, but after those few seconds of glee from the fact that you know they've seen and maybe even liked your picture or your tweet, or saw your story on Snapchat, do you still feel happy? No, you go right back to feeling like crap, whether you want to admit it or not. Stop making yourself all about them when that ship has sailed and start being all about you.

Your ex is off doing their own thing, maybe thinking about you, but obviously not enough to want you back in their life the way you used to be. They are probably out there finding a new person to take your spot because they don't have you at their beck and call anymore. If they're also showing off to show you how much better they are without you or to make you jealous...why are you still following them or still participating in this sick little game for attention? Grow up and block them so you don't have to keep seeing their posts, or be adult enough to stop if you're doing the same as well. If it's only you posting, chances are you just look stupid, so stop before you really embarrass yourself. I was that person, and I know first hand how embarrassed I am for acting the way I did.

Summer is synonymous for doing whatever the hell you want. Wear what you want, say what you want, and be the best version of yourself that only a high dose of Vitamin D can bring out. Your ex is an ex for many reasons. You have to set aside the summer for you and what benefits you only. Don't concern yourself with an ex who doesn't care in the least about you anymore. Coming from someone who posted thirst traps aimed at a specific person along with countless shady AF stories on Snap and Insta in the hopes that this one person and their friends would see it, just stop and save yourself the energy as well as regret.

We're all adults, it's time to stop the petty posts and photos. Post your thirst trap for yourself because you're a sexy queen who doesn't need anyone but herself. Once you start focusing on yourself this summer, instead of your ex, you'll realize just have great it feels to truly be free.

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