Millennials Have Adopted A Culture Of 'Un-Dating,' And Frankly, It Needs To Stop

Millennials Have Adopted A Culture Of 'Un-Dating,' And Frankly, It Needs To Stop

Ghosting, “just hanging out" and secrets. Who decided it was okay?

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As a millennial, I have come to notice typical behavior of my generation that was not passed down from that prior. We are the generation who grew up still playing outside, the ones who did not play on iPads at three years old, and the generation that has completely destroyed dating.

When I decided I was going to write this article, I had full intentions of writing an eloquent article, giving my opinion, and pleading on behalf of the emotions of both girls and guys, who have fallen victim to millennial dating habits. However, I don’t know how refined I can be when I am talking about a subject matter that I never dreamt could become this much of a problem.

Instead of asking a girl on a date, we get asked to “hang out”. Instead of dating, people are “talking” (does anyone even know how to clarify what that means, because it’s still beyond me). Instead of chivalry, people have begun “ghosting”. Instead of being straightforward with your intentions, you get people caught up in deciphering “mixed signals” and being too afraid to ask what their significant other wants out of the arrangement.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who has noticed. There are terms that we as a collective have come up with, and I still don’t fully understand what they mean, nor do I know who on earth decided it was okay. For example, ghosting. If you’re unfamiliar with this term, so am I. From what I’ve gathered, it’s something along the lines of dating someone, and then disappearing on them, dropping all forms of communication and acting as though the relationship never happened.

REALLY? Who decided they would put up with that and since when did being utterly disrespectful to even basic human feelings become a norm? Where is the respect for others’ emotions? Where is the desire for true, honest to God human connection and true love?

I’m not saying we need to go full-on “Notebook” style, with 365 days straight of handwritten letters (Although, I don’t think that would be a bad idea), but we at least need to regain a sense of decency and respect for one another.

If you only want to be friends, be honest. Promising more, and then disappearing is no way to treat a fellow human. You don’t have to date everyone you go on a date with- you do need to understand that they have feelings and are worthy of an explanation. If you think a girl is cute, tell her and ask her on a date for goodness sake. Don’t send her “you up?” snaps or act indifferent because you don’t want to come on too strong.

I know dating is hard, and it can be scary. It gets messy, sure. Feelings get hurt, hearts get broken, but we can assuage that and lessen the blow if we choose honesty and compassion for one another over selfishly keeping our intentions to ourselves, whether it be for fear of hurting someone’s feelings, or just not wanting to “deal” with a break-up.

Be honest, be kind, and be straightforward with what you want. It will be much easier finding someone who shares the same views and desires if we just outright say what we want instead of hiding behind text messages or running away.

You just might find the love of your life that way.

Cover Image Credit: Kaitlin Pastor

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If You Go Into Summer 2019 Only Wanting A Summer Fling, You're Only Going To Be Disappointed

They may be fun but sometimes come with consequences.

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We've all been through the summer flings. Summer is THE season where you have no commitment and are as free as can be with no care in the world. I've been on both ends of summer flings, from having one and cutting things off when summer ended and having one and gaining feelings for the other person... I've actually been dating my summer fling from 2017 for almost a year and a half now which was totally unexpected.

Back in Summer 2017, I was newly single and wasn't intentionally looking for a relationship since I just got out of one. I had a couple of small flings in the beginning, nothing serious at all. Until I met a boy in July from social media. We started talking and hit it off. We had a lot in common and enjoyed a lot of the same things. After a few weeks of talking, some flirting and a couple of dates... we had a fling going on. We weren't committed or anything, but we were both interested in each other. Long story short, I ended up really liking this guy and I could feel our fling diminishing, so I guess you could say I played some hard to get and "won" him over for good. It took a lot and I could definitely say it wasn't a care-free summer since I was trying to get him to make it official with me but now, here we are as boyfriend and girlfriend still to this day.

From my experiences and from friends experiences, summer flings almost always end with someone falling for you or you falling for them. And if you're really not looking for a relationship after summer, it can be quite hassle ending things for good due to feelings. Summer flings can also take time away from your family and friends. Everyone knows spending summer with someone you're interested in is fun, although it most likely won't be permanent, so why waste your time on them when you could be making those summer memories with your friends who will be there always?

A lot of the times, summer flings just involve hooking up and casual dates... nothing too serious. They don't involve "relationship" type feelings. But when you start to gain attachment to that person, sometimes they won't care like you do since summer flings are meant to be temporary. Of course, the person you have a fling with is someone you're into or at least think is good looking and when you find out you're not their only summer fling, jealousy can hit. Like stated above, summer is the season of no worries, and you shouldn't let jealousy take over your care-free attitude.

Summer flings, almost all the time, end in some sort of heartbreak when that isn't the intention in the beginning at all. But other times, they do work out and you guys call it quits and both move on or both end up in a relationship with each other (which was my case and I couldn't be happier to this day!). So, if your plan is to have a fling this upcoming summer, make sure you plan ahead for any type of scenarios that could potentially happen as well as know what you both want in the end.

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