Modern Dating Is Killing My Faith In Humanity

Modern Dating Is Killing My Faith In Humanity

Excuse me, but when did dating get this crap?
SHE'SAID'
SHE'SAID'
471
views

Let’s be honest, dating has always been a little shitty.

With all the uncertainty, the anxiety, the “who pays at the end of the date?” stuff, it’s enough to stress anyone out. But modern dating?

Well, dating today makes me want to poke my eyes out with ballpoint pens.

That could be because I’m a massive overthinker who will try to determine all the hidden meanings behind the text “K”. Or it could mean that I’ve been burned too many times before by dating douches who think it’s okay to tell you you’re exclusive when he’s texting someone else under the table.

Or it could just be that modern dating is utter shit.

I’m gonna go with the latter, because shifting blame is fun! Let’s really drill down though, and take a look at why dating today has become such a cesspit of misery…

I spent nearly 14 years in back-to-back relationships and I used to hear all my single friends lamenting about how difficult dating was. I shrugged them off with the kind of shitty platitudes you hope to never find on a greeting card: “There’s plenty more fish in the sea!”, “You’ll find someone when you least expect it”, and, the very worst one: “I sometimes think it would be fun to be single again.” (Narrator: It would not be fun to be single again.)

To all my single friends, I’m sorry. I get it now. This is my own personal hell on Earth.

Firstly, technology has gone and screwed everything right up. It used to be you only called people you really liked. After all, talking on the phone is actually a bit of an effort, takes time, and is sometimes kind of awkward, so you’d need to be super-keen to actually pick up the receiver and give your potential date a ring.

Now we all bow down to texting, otherwise known as the king of all lazy communications. But, typing letters into your phone still take a little bit of effort, so let’s take it down a notch and cut and paste the same message and send it to 20 people. Who gives a shit if it’s impersonal? Dating’s a numbers game, right? More numbers, more chances! *Rolls eyes*.

Not to mention the waiting game. Want an answer to a question you’ve just texted? Don’t pick up the phone and get one right away, silly! No, stare at your phone for days on end waiting for a reply that may never come! Such anxiety inducing fun!

Then there’s the content in the actual messages, and, hello, non-committal, confusing responses! No-one asks you on a date anymore, they ask if you wanna “chill”, or “hang”, or “meet up”. WTF do any of them even mean?! Are you actually interested in me? Do you just want to have sex with me, or are you wanting something more serious? Are you luring me out of my house to murder me? Who knows!?

After the awkward not-date, you wait patiently by your phone for four fucking days, both of you playing text chicken to see who’s gonna message first. (Unless he’s already ghosted the crap out of you, in which case, boy bye.) All the while you’re thinking, ‘Did he actually like me? Was that even a date? Are we just keeping it casual? Did he really mean that when he said “Let’s do this again?”?!!’

Don’t mind me guys, just casually rocking back and forth like a crazy person wondering what the hell “you look nice” actually meant!

“Why don’t you just ask the guy?” I hear you say.

Oh, you sweet, naive, pre-Tinder child… because people don’t show feelings anymore. If you do, you’re not playing the “game” properly.

You can’t possibly tell someone how you feel about them. Oh, no. You have to act like you’re interested but also not interested at the same time, so they somehow know you’re keen but not so keen that they freak out. You can’t text twice in a row, because then you look desperate. You can’t tell someone if their behavior has pissed you off, because you don’t wanna look crazy. You can’t “hang” more than one night in a row, because you don’t want to come off as clingy. And if, by some miracle, you do end up being able to ask the person where all this hanging is leading to, you have to curate your question so freaking carefully so as not to spook the guy if he’s not on the same page as you.

And the most screwed up irony of all this is that you’re going to all this effort to make it seem like you’re not going to any effort at all. We’re turning ourselves inside out to seem like the apathetic “cool girl”. That. Is. Nuts.

So I am done with modern dating. If I like someone, I’ll tell them. If it’s a date, I’ll call it one. If I want an answer, I’ll phone instead of text. If I feel like double texting, Imma do it. If I want to know if my casual hookup wants to go out with me, I’ll ask.

Because honestly, the right guy for me won’t be turned off by me being myself. Girls, same goes for you; only players and commitment phobes get scared off when you refuse to join the game. Who the crap wants to date someone who is scared of dating? NOT ME.

So kiss my ass, modern dating. I know your game, and I’m not playing anymore.


This story originally appeared on SHE'SAID', a global women's lifestyle website, and was written by .

Elizabeth is a journalist and editor who’s great at providing relationship advice… for everyone but herself. She’s happy to share her own hilariously bad attempts at finding love, and in her spare time likes long walks down the makeup aisle.

Follow SHE'SAID' on Twitter and Facebook and check out these related stories:

Why I've Never Had A Real Boyfriend
I'm A Strong Confident Woman. But I Let Men Use Me.
What I Learned When I Hired A Dating Coach

Cover Image Credit: Jodie DS
SHE'SAID'
SHE'SAID'

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

An Open Letter To The Girl In A Toxic Relationship Who Doesn't See The Signs To Let Go

"it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing" -R.H Sin

6087
views

Dear you,

I hope you're doing well. I once thought I was too. I once thought that if he would just change, for me, everything would work. However, my sweet girl, you should not have to change people, you should not have to push people to be better, for you. You cannot help anyone, that does not want to help themselves.

In the movies, we learn to love a bad boy that needs changing. However, it isn't always your job to be boys saving grace. However, his shaming and emotional abuse is not just something you should put up with so that you can love him. That is not loving.

Love is not a constant competition of who could belittle the other one first. Love is not asking for a hug and being told no. Love does not make you feel stupid for bringing up things that hurt your feelings.

Love does not grow angry because you talk to your mom about your feelings. Love does not body shame. Love does not constantly change the passcode to their phone.

Love does not laugh when you find out they're unfaithful. Love does not tell you that you are not smart enough to accomplish anything. Love does not force their hand up your thigh when the words "no" slip out of your mouth.

Love is the warmth of a hand on your cheek when you get anxious. Love is getting your backpack out the car for you. Love is turning around when you need them. Love compromises.

Love is encouraging. Love is proud. Love is forgiving. Love sees you for who you are. Love knows you are worthy.

God is your Father and you are His daughter, so do not believe for one second that this abuse is the love you think you deserve.

Love will not always be easy. Love will be challenging and a constant prayer to not anger so quickly.

However, do not mix up challenging with the abuse. If you are losing the good pieces of yourself, then it isn't love. I know that you put a lot of time and effort into this relationship, but it is no good, you are holding on to someone whose heart is not in the right place to love you.

I connected with a poem from R. H. Sin, once I left my toxic relationship which reads, "it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing."

Darling girl, you are so loved by so many people, do not let this relationship hold you back or make you feel less worthy than you are. I have always been the girl with her nose stuck up in the air smelling for smoke, to follow the trail to a burning house to find a boy that needed saving, but it is more than likely a boy that lit the fire in the first place and needs changing.

So, do not be me, be better. Be the girl that lights her own world on fire, for her work, for her family, for God. You are you and you are amazing, so do not fear being without him.

You will feel as if you have come up for air after drowning in an ocean that you had no idea you were swimming in.

The emotional abuse that this boy has put you through and maybe even physical abuse will leave you building walls around your heart. It will make other relationships hard, but you are so so strong.

You will meet someone that makes you so happy and feel so easy to love, you will never understand how you stuck around with the one that hurt you for so long.

You deserve to grow from this, and I promise you will.

Let go.

xoxo,

The girl who learned from a toxic relationship

OMG, check these out

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Being Far Away From My Boyfriend Actually Strengthened Our Relationship Instead Of Forcing It Apart

While we were apart, we became closer.

2063
views

Before I really start this article, I just want to say that my relationship isn't truly a long distance relationship. We are both college students at the same university eight months out of the year, but the other four months we live quite a distance apart. Even during those four months, we are only about 150 miles from each other as the bird flies, but really about three hours from each other.

Being in a relationship where I'm not able to see my boyfriend every day or even every week has been a real challenge. But it's been a good challenge. It hasn't been a challenge because I've felt unfaithful or fallen out of love with him in any way. It's challenging because I miss him. We both work jobs and our schedules aren't the same and oftentimes we aren't able to talk to each other unless it's early in the morning or late at night. There are times when all I want to do is talk to him and tell him about how my day went and get a big bear hug from him. Unfortunately, I'm not really able to do this.

I firmly believe that being apart from each other for days, weeks, or even months have brought us closer than we could've ever imagined. We knew that this would be difficult, and we knew that there would be bad days, but we decided to power through it. It has made each time that we are able to see each other so much more special and meaningful.

Seeing each other has become more of spending time with each other than just laying around on the couch playing around on our phones. It's become really getting to know each other better and catching up on all the things we had missed. It's become a time for us to simply be in each other's presence and enjoy being able to talk face to face without a phone in the middle of us. We go on more adventurous dates, we take more pictures, and I think we would both easily say that we fall more and more in love with each other after each opportunity we have to spend time together.

Spending time together is no longer a daily activity, but it has become a right to be earned through hard work and several paychecks as travel can become expensive. We no longer take opportunities to see each other for granted, and it has made us grow closer because we aren't able to spend time together often. We look forward to the days when we won't have to worry about being apart but know that this is only a stepping stone in our relationship.

OMG, check these out

Facebook Comments