My Mom Told Me To Stay Away From 'Bad Boys' So Naturally That's Exactly Who I Wanted To Date

My Mom Told Me To Stay Away From 'Bad Boys' So Naturally That's Exactly Who I Wanted To Date

He was just perfect in such a bad way which made me fall for him, hard.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
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My mom always told me date someone nice.

Nice. Rich. Caring. Successful. Wholesome.

These were some of the characteristics she urged me to look for when it came to choosing a significant other.

She used to tell me that even if he wasn't rich, wasn't studying to become a doctor or wasn't the best looking guy out there—he should at least treat me as if I was the only girl in the world.

After all, what happiness can you retrieve out of a relationship where you aren't respected and treated with kindness?

I've had my fair share of dates with the quintessential "good guy."

The guy who waits at your doorstep by six o'clock sharp, flowers in hand, to take you out for dinner.

The guy who holds your car door open as you step out and help you walk in your heels.

The guy who takes you to fancy Italian restaurants where they pour wine straight from the bottle and grate cheese over your pasta.

The guy who offers you his jacket when it starts getting chilly outside and drives you all the way back home, only to walk you to your front door (and even ring the doorbell while he's at it)

Personally, I liked being treated by a gentleman. I liked being respected, treated as if I was special. I was, in fact, the only girl in the world to these type of guys, but something just didn't match up for me. In all honesty—they just seemed boring to me.

Boring because they didn't give me that special spark which I always craved in a romantic relationship. Boring because they weren't passionate enough or they didn't have this certain unique trait or interesting story which would make them stand out. They would pour their hearts out for me and take me on some of the best dates, but ultimately their efforts didn't seem to hold my attention long enough.

This was around the time when I discovered the phenomenon behind "bad boys."

Guys who treated you like shit, who could care less about your feelings, who already had a list of girls waiting to text at moment's notice. Guys who would supply you with that adrenaline rush and all those passionate feelings that no ordinary guy could give you.

With "bad boys," dating is fun. Dating becomes this constant game of "thrill of the chase" where it feels as if you're dancing and twirling around with him on a live stage to some upbeat music which livens your soul and makes you feel alive.

Candlelit dinners are replaced by midnight shenanigans on the beach.

Classical music concerts are replaced by karaoke nights.

Dates aren't those cute, amazing "I had fun" kind of dates. These types are dates are memorable and one of a kind. They stay with you for as long as you live.

There was this one particular "bad boy" who my mom vehemently warned me about.

He was a few years older, Berkeley educated with a boastful management consulting job living in his own apartment and a flashy car.

It's safe to say, though, that the good qualities ended there.

Why yes, he did treat me like absolute shit, never cared about how I felt about our relationship and had girls constantly hitting up his Snapchat, Instagram, texts, Facetime, Kik, you name it.

But he exerted a type of confidence I wished I had more of.

He made me laugh. He loved talking just as much as I did so there was never a dull moment in our conversations.

He was just perfect in such a bad way which made me fall for him, hard.

Even when my mom would shake her head disapprovingly whenever he would drop by at night to pick me up, I would run off into some crazy adventure with him just for the sake of that adrenaline rush.

Even after my mom commented about how this was the type of guy who would run off with some other girl after getting her pregnant—I would scream at her to mind her own business.

I gave into the temptation, and in the end, I was the only one who got hurt.

We dated for a month (tops!) before things began to turn sour. He thought I should stop being so much of a homebody and go out with him more to meet up with his friends. He had a severe drinking problem, which was beginning to seem less "fun" and more "critical" He thought he didn't have any control of the girls who flocked to him and shouldn't be responsible for his drunk actions around them.

Here's what I learned: my mom was right (or as she claims, she's always right).

Because, you should never, ever try to give your soul to a "bad boy."

Sure, they might be great for an adventure but keep in mind that's why they're a part of your life and why you're a part of theirs.

So if you want to be treated like some girl in a bikini from a Tyga music video, then these "bad boys" are just for you.

But if you want to be treated with true respect, then look elsewhere.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Am A Hopeless Romantic Living In A World Where One-Night Stands Are The Norm

It's the little things.

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views

In today's society, it can certainly start to feel like no one takes love seriously anymore.

Whether it's that one couple who has broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count, the two friends-with-benefits no one can figure out, your local womanizer, or just hookups in general, love and lust are a huge part of specifically college life and culture.

As a hopeless romantic, being part of a generation that "just wants to have fun" can be really frustrating, especially when you just want to find something real. It is so easy for people to put on a fake act just to get what they want and sometimes this can be extremely hard to see through. I'm sure we've all had some kind of incident with someone who played nice but had ulterior motives and the sad truth is that it can be impossible to recognize a person's artificiality.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I have always classified myself as such, and it has remained true. Sure, I can make the most of the freedoms I have as a single college woman, but deep down I just want to find my person.

I've had my fair share of letdowns, and I think we all have, but being a hopeless romantic makes it that much more difficult to get past the "what ifs" and fantasies that come along with starting something with someone new. We may already have our hearts set on a person when they decide they've gotten what they wanted and leave.

For me, I find myself caught up in the little things that someone does. I have always been someone who picks up on small details in situations, and sometimes this works against me.

I pick up on the small facial expressions that he may not even realize he is making; the ones that tell you when their guard has been let down, even just for a split second.

I pick up on the way he sits our two cellphones side by side on the nightstand, taking care to line them up perfectly as if that's just their spot.

I pick up on the short moments of laughter where he actually lets himself laugh and forgets about the act.

I pick up on things, and sometimes I end up hurting because of it.

When it comes down to it, though, I wouldn't change the way that I am. I wouldn't change the fact that I find myself in the search for more in a society that mostly only offers me less.

The trait that tends to hurt me most is also the one that I value most. Even if noticing all the little things is something that contributes to my own heartache, I love those moments. There is something beautiful about those tiny things shared by two people, even if the connection ends there.

Sure, it can be hard. But so can everything.

It's just a matter of finding the beauty.

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Dedicate Your Summer To Bettering Yourself For Yourself, Not Your Ex

Why waste energy on an ex who doesn't care about you anymore?

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I'm single for the summer (yet again, no shock there) but this summer there's something in the air that just feels different. It's the feeling of true acceptance of my single status.

Last summer I was single when I really didn't want to be. My heart with still holding out for a guy who wasn't interested in anything more than my friendship. It took me from late March all the way until Halloween to get over those feelings. However, while working through those tough feelings that summer, I came to enjoy my time on my own and not talking to anyone except my best friends. I didn't have to worry about when I'd get a text back, or if I'd be left on read, or who he'd be out with since I wasn't around. The only thing I needed to worry about was my paychecks and tan lines.

Sometimes after breaking things off with someone who you put so much effort into, whether it was a boyfriend, an almost relationship, or even a friend with benefits, it's easy to want to show off on social media and make them regret ever hurting you or ending things. Why? It's a nice little ego boost, sure, but after those few seconds of glee from the fact that you know they've seen and maybe even liked your picture or your tweet, or saw your story on Snapchat, do you still feel happy? No, you go right back to feeling like crap, whether you want to admit it or not. Stop making yourself all about them when that ship has sailed and start being all about you.

Your ex is off doing their own thing, maybe thinking about you, but obviously not enough to want you back in their life the way you used to be. They are probably out there finding a new person to take your spot because they don't have you at their beck and call anymore. If they're also showing off to show you how much better they are without you or to make you jealous...why are you still following them or still participating in this sick little game for attention? Grow up and block them so you don't have to keep seeing their posts, or be adult enough to stop if you're doing the same as well. If it's only you posting, chances are you just look stupid, so stop before you really embarrass yourself. I was that person, and I know first hand how embarrassed I am for acting the way I did.

Summer is synonymous for doing whatever the hell you want. Wear what you want, say what you want, and be the best version of yourself that only a high dose of Vitamin D can bring out. Your ex is an ex for many reasons. You have to set aside the summer for you and what benefits you only. Don't concern yourself with an ex who doesn't care in the least about you anymore. Coming from someone who posted thirst traps aimed at a specific person along with countless shady AF stories on Snap and Insta in the hopes that this one person and their friends would see it, just stop and save yourself the energy as well as regret.

We're all adults, it's time to stop the petty posts and photos. Post your thirst trap for yourself because you're a sexy queen who doesn't need anyone but herself. Once you start focusing on yourself this summer, instead of your ex, you'll realize just have great it feels to truly be free.

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