My Mom Told Me To Stay Away From 'Bad Boys' So Naturally That's Exactly Who I Wanted To Date

My Mom Told Me To Stay Away From 'Bad Boys' So Naturally That's Exactly Who I Wanted To Date

He was just perfect in such a bad way which made me fall for him, hard.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

My mom always told me date someone nice.

Nice. Rich. Caring. Successful. Wholesome.

These were some of the characteristics she urged me to look for when it came to choosing a significant other.

She used to tell me that even if he wasn't rich, wasn't studying to become a doctor or wasn't the best looking guy out there—he should at least treat me as if I was the only girl in the world.

After all, what happiness can you retrieve out of a relationship where you aren't respected and treated with kindness?

I've had my fair share of dates with the quintessential "good guy."

The guy who waits at your doorstep by six o'clock sharp, flowers in hand, to take you out for dinner.

The guy who holds your car door open as you step out and help you walk in your heels.

The guy who takes you to fancy Italian restaurants where they pour wine straight from the bottle and grate cheese over your pasta.

The guy who offers you his jacket when it starts getting chilly outside and drives you all the way back home, only to walk you to your front door (and even ring the doorbell while he's at it)

Personally, I liked being treated by a gentleman. I liked being respected, treated as if I was special. I was, in fact, the only girl in the world to these type of guys, but something just didn't match up for me. In all honesty—they just seemed boring to me.

Boring because they didn't give me that special spark which I always craved in a romantic relationship. Boring because they weren't passionate enough or they didn't have this certain unique trait or interesting story which would make them stand out. They would pour their hearts out for me and take me on some of the best dates, but ultimately their efforts didn't seem to hold my attention long enough.

This was around the time when I discovered the phenomenon behind "bad boys."

Guys who treated you like shit, who could care less about your feelings, who already had a list of girls waiting to text at moment's notice. Guys who would supply you with that adrenaline rush and all those passionate feelings that no ordinary guy could give you.

With "bad boys," dating is fun. Dating becomes this constant game of "thrill of the chase" where it feels as if you're dancing and twirling around with him on a live stage to some upbeat music which livens your soul and makes you feel alive.

Candlelit dinners are replaced by midnight shenanigans on the beach.

Classical music concerts are replaced by karaoke nights.

Dates aren't those cute, amazing "I had fun" kind of dates. These types are dates are memorable and one of a kind. They stay with you for as long as you live.

There was this one particular "bad boy" who my mom vehemently warned me about.

He was a few years older, Berkeley educated with a boastful management consulting job living in his own apartment and a flashy car.

It's safe to say, though, that the good qualities ended there.

Why yes, he did treat me like absolute shit, never cared about how I felt about our relationship and had girls constantly hitting up his Snapchat, Instagram, texts, Facetime, Kik, you name it.

But he exerted a type of confidence I wished I had more of.

He made me laugh. He loved talking just as much as I did so there was never a dull moment in our conversations.

He was just perfect in such a bad way which made me fall for him, hard.

Even when my mom would shake her head disapprovingly whenever he would drop by at night to pick me up, I would run off into some crazy adventure with him just for the sake of that adrenaline rush.

Even after my mom commented about how this was the type of guy who would run off with some other girl after getting her pregnant—I would scream at her to mind her own business.

I gave into the temptation, and in the end, I was the only one who got hurt.

We dated for a month (tops!) before things began to turn sour. He thought I should stop being so much of a homebody and go out with him more to meet up with his friends. He had a severe drinking problem, which was beginning to seem less "fun" and more "critical" He thought he didn't have any control of the girls who flocked to him and shouldn't be responsible for his drunk actions around them.

Here's what I learned: my mom was right (or as she claims, she's always right).

Because, you should never, ever try to give your soul to a "bad boy."

Sure, they might be great for an adventure but keep in mind that's why they're a part of your life and why you're a part of theirs.

So if you want to be treated like some girl in a bikini from a Tyga music video, then these "bad boys" are just for you.

But if you want to be treated with true respect, then look elsewhere.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?


Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

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Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

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