Dating Someone On The Autism Spectrum Isn't Always Easy But My Boyfriend Makes It All Worth It

Dating Someone On The Autism Spectrum Isn't Always Easy But My Boyfriend Makes It All Worth It

It's not what everyone thinks it's like, it's kind of just who he is and I love it.

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I am currently two years into a committed and loving relationship with my boyfriend, Gianni, as of this week, the twentieth of August!

I could not be any happier than I am now, it truly feels like I'm in love with my best friend. We have our ups and downs, we aren't perfect, but every day ends with an "I love you" and I wouldn't have it any other way. Relationships are tricky but in the end, you may find your "person."

Gianni is on the autistic spectrum, he has Asperger's syndrome. That sentence should not contradict anything I said before it because Gianni being on the spectrum is just who he is. Does that mean some things for him may be slightly different? Of course, it does. With that being said, he and everything that embodies who he is; is the man I fell in love with.

There are struggles in ever relationship due to the fact that your partnering with someone with a completely different walk of life than you.

You are never going to agree on everything, but you can control how you handle the disagreements. For us mainly we bump heads because we're both inherently stubborn and believe we're "always" right.

Sometimes Gianni doesn't understand what I'm feeling because it's difficult for him to read unspoken tone. I have learned it's best to take a breath and tell him "___ is bothering me because it makes me feel ___," because I can't expect anyone to be a mind-reader.

Other times I can't take his brutal honesty because as much as I love it sometimes it hurts to know the truth. I'm not telling you my struggles, our struggles, to make you pity him or me. I'm telling you because we're all human and we all have struggles nonetheless, ours can sometimes trace back to how our brains may work differently but they're still healthy struggles.

Relationships are all about learning how to be with someone who isn't yourself so a lot of times work is involved especially with things like insecurities, emotions, and jealousy which are completely normal feelings and emotions to experience and work on in your life. He has Aspergers but the root of our struggles are the base of many healthy struggles people deal with on a day-to-day basis.

Gianni has always said that his Aspergers isn't a disease, it's who he is.

To be honest, who he is, is what I love the most about him. I love that he's goofy and loud sometimes, he makes me smile and laugh at his jokes. I also love how straight up he can be because I really know he loves spending time with me when he says it.

Though brutal honesty is tough, it's almost a way you know they're honest people and don't lie to you very often. I also appreciate how intuitive he really can be, though he may struggle with reading unspoken communication he always knows when I'm upset or something is going on.

He also always knows how to be there for me and comfort me when I need it. He is an incredible human being and I seriously never even thought twice about loving him with my whole heart.

When he told me that he had Asperger's syndrome he was so nervous I'd be scared off, but that was the furthest thing from my mind. When he told me my response was a bit taken aback but I never had an issue with it because I knew it was just a part of who he is, and even then I knew I really liked who he is.

I can only speak to a degree about how him being on the spectrum is incorporated in our relationship, so I've asked Gianni for his take on his Aspergers and our relationship! When talking about the good and bad parts of it affecting our relationship he had essentially reiterated what I said about him sometimes having difficulty reading me.

He also said, "At times when I know she's upset, I'll ask why a bunch of times because I won't be 100% aware of if I caused it or not." He also told me he doesn't think being of the spectrum affects our good times, except for the fact that most people on the spectrum are very honest and rarely lie.

Gianni also opened up about what it's like telling friends and partners about being on the spectrum and his personal experiences. He talks about when opening up to friends or others in his past the reaction has been very passive aggressive and negative.

In his view, they start slowly removing themselves from his life to the point where they will avoid him. When he spoke about his experience with telling me he was on the spectrum he says it was very difficult for him. To quote him, he said "Telling you was incredibly difficult because of my past experiences, but to my surprise, you were very supportive and told me about your autistic brother. That gave me a huge amount of relief and it brought us that much closer."

My boyfriend is on the spectrum and that's never made me feel uncomfortable or think any less of him.

This is who he is and I adore the person he is and has become. if it's changed me in any way it's made me closer to him and more open-minded to the other people I cross paths with in life. He's made me a better person throughout our relationship and I don't regret any part of who we are as a couple.

Explore Odyssey's featured Autism Awareness content here.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

11 Things The Man You Love Should Do For You, No Questions Asked

Sometimes it's just the simple things in life that mean a lot.

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Every girl feels special when the guy she's dating does simple things for her that not everyone thinks about. Here's a list of 10 things that every girl genuinely appreciates.

1. Open/Hold the door

I feel like this one is really simple because everyone has to walk through doors. Chivalry isn't dead, let him open the door for you. He's not trying to prove that you can't do it for yourself, but he's trying to be polite and show you that he cares for you.

2. Give you really big hugs

Everyone has bad days, and sometimes you just need a really big hug. Whether it be a bear hug or the hug where he picks you up and spins you around, it will make you feel better in the long run.

3. Buy you really small gifts

One of the best things my boyfriend has ever done for me is simply bringing me a Dr. Pepper when he knows I'm tired from a long hard day full of exams or work. Sonic slushes will also make my day in a heartbeat.

4. Text/Call you just to tell you he loves you

This is pretty simple. It takes less than 10 seconds to text, and only a few minutes to call. Sometimes you get these texts right at the perfect moment, and it makes you feel so much better.

5. Come see you when you're sick

Everyone hates being sick. But seeing your friends and family while you're sick can make you feel so much better. Having your boyfriend come to see you and possibly even take care of you just makes being sick that much easier.

6. Respect your decisions

You're not married yet, so your decisions are up to you! He should respect the decisions you make and support you, even if it's not what he thinks is the best decision. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else!

7. Give you a shoulder to cry on

We all have bad days, and sometimes you just can't stop the tears from coming. Even if he's not good with crying, he should give you hugs and love to help you get through it.

8. Compliment you

Even if you look horrible and know so, hopefully, he'll still tell you that you look good. Even if the clothes you're wearing aren't his style, he should still tell you that they look good on you and that you are beautiful each and every day.

9. Call you when you're away or he's away

If you're like me, I miss my boyfriend after being away for about three hours, so when we're apart for more than a couple days, I love getting random calls from him when he knows I'm not busy. It's definitely better than a text.

10. Deal with all your annoying quirks

So if you're anything like me, you enjoy screaming music as loudly and horribly as you can in the car and making a complete fool of yourself, but he should love you for that anyway. I also love to take really stupid pictures, and he should put up with that too. He shouldn't be annoyed by your quirks, he should love them and laugh along with you.

11. Love you no matter what

I honestly feel like this goes without saying, but I put it on here so that the girls who don't feel like they're being loved no matter what can realize. He should want to work out problems with you instead of calling it quits and holding a grudge. He should want you to be happy and support you in every decision you make in life. When he loves you unconditionally, he will do all of the above things and more.

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If You View Being In A Relationship As 'Losing Your Freedom,' You’re In The Wrong Relationship

Someone had to say it.

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Relationships are about being the best possible version of yourself separate and together. They're about growing with and doing life alongside your partner. They're fun, loving, and granted, they can sometimes be challenging.

Some challenges that frequently come up in relationships are disagreements (which are for sure gonna happen, because you're two individual people!), dealing with stress, and depending on where you're at in life, it could also be financial struggles. Of course, all relationships are going to have problems and everything won't always be “rainbows and butterflies" as Maroon 5 like to put it.

That being said though, one challenge that shouldn't ever be an issue in a relationship is the loss of freedom. Where did this idea come from?

I see it all the time, people talking about not wanting to get into a relationship because they don't want to "lose their freedom".

If you are in a relationship which causes you to lose your freedom, you are 100% in the wrong relationship.

Being in a relationship is not synonymous with not being able to be yourself or be able to do what you want. In a good relationship, you will be able to still have your alone time, be your own person, hang out with your friends, the list goes on and on. All of these things are so important. Relationships should never consume your life, they should complement it.

Why is this even a conversation we need to be having? Seriously.

Now obviously if you're referring to losing the option of getting with other people or dating around, then yes, you're right, you absolutely shouldn't get into a relationship... but that doesn't mean relationships mean losing your freedom.

If you are in a relationship with someone you love and respect, getting with other people isn't even going to be on your radar. It truly is that simple.

The trend of hating on relationships, for this reason, has gotten so out of hand in recent years, especially on social media. It's so frustrating, though, because it could not be any more inaccurate.

You should absolutely still have freedom in relationships. You can have it. I for one absolutely have it and do not view my relationship as the loss of freedom, at all. If you don't, maybe evaluate that relationship and realize it's not the best one to be in.

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