Last year, I was informed that I was cursed with depressive episodes. I am hit with waves upon waves of sadness, some have a reason, and other well, don't.
You honestly never know the frustration one feels when someone asks them what's wrong and you can't tell them what. In the same way, there is no direct answer to what's going on—you don't know how to fix it yourself, and literally no one can help fix it for you.
You're stuck, in bed, on the couch, on the floor in a deep deep cloud of grey, or black. Whatever depression decides to curse you with today.
It's frustrating for you but it's so much more frustrating if you're in a relationship with someone with depression.
What do you do? You can't just leave or you'll be plagued with the word "asshole" for the rest of your life.
So, you stay and figure it out for them or help them figure it out for themselves and hope one day the clouds clear up and the sun comes out.
Sometimes all you can do is hope.
Last year, I watched my boyfriend fight back those black clouds that rained down on me every frickin' day. I heard those cloud curse at me call me the worst names in the book, but heard my boyfriend scream over those voices that "I'm going to be OK."
And you know what, sometimes he really made me believe it.
It was because of him on days that I'd get out of bed.
It was because of him that my mouth fazed into a smile and my laugh came out.
It was because of him, I went to therapy and figured my shit out.
I can honestly say, it was because of him that I stand before you today.
because honesty, I don't think I would've made it without him telling me that I don't really suck like depression told me I did.
Sometimes you need a reminder that you're going to get through it, sometimes you really do need someone else to believe in you for a little bit.
Because depression never, ever believes in you.
Some people would like to say that they've done things alone, but I'm so passionate, and so proud that I didn't win my battle with depression alone.
I had help, some of the best non-professional help I've ever had.
Check on your strong friends, cousins, brothers, sisters. Check on your boyfriends, girlfriends. And, if you or anyone else is struggling with depression call the hotline : 1-800-273-8255