10 Things To Keep In Mind When Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse

10 Things To Keep In Mind When Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse

The process is long but well worth it.
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Loving a narcissistic person is one of the easiest things to get sucked into but one of the hardest things to get out of or over. It is a constant process of beating yourself up with blame and self-destructive behaviors. It is taking everything they have ever said and done to you and defining yourself by it. It is looking in the mirror and no longer recognizing who you are and know that there is no love for yourself to be found. If you have already made the step to terminate the relationship, from here it only requires yourself and your ability to move on. Here are 10 things you need to keep in mind when recovering from narcissistic abuse:

1. Just because they always blamed you does not mean everything is your fault

A word often used when talking about narcissistic abuse is deflection. This is when someone is faced with the truth about who they are or something they have done to hurt another individual, and instead of owning up to it, they direct the blame onto the person telling the truth. When dealing with a narcissistic individual, this happens quite often and to the point where you genuinely feel like everything is your fault.

Nothing they did or said was your fault, they just cannot accept the truth about themselves. When moving on you have to remember that their inability to own up to who they are is more about them than it is you. It is time to release the burden of blame that you have been carrying for so long.

2. How you feel has always been and is always rational

One reason why you carry so much blame is because they have told you how you feel is not rational and that you are crazy. Everything you feel is real and rational, don't belittle your feelings because they did for so long. You feel what you feel for a purpose, don't ignore that because they turned your problem against you. You were and are the victim, don't let them take that away from you.

3. Everything you do is good enough

Another reason you blame yourself is because they reminded you that nothing you do is good enough for them or for anyone. Stop thinking that. I know that is easier said than done but the only reason they blamed you is because they don't know how to blame themselves.

4. You don't always have to explain yourself

Something that you had to do for a long time was explaining yourself, and that is not always required of you. You don't have to explain yourself to any or everyone out of the fear of being tormented if not. Just live your life and do what makes you happy without thinking that your every move needs an explanation. Just because your narcissistic abuser wanted you to explain yourself every time you did anything, doesn't mean you have to anymore.

5. You are not the mean things that they called you

You are none of the names that they called you and it is going to be a process to love yourself again and know that, but you will get there. Just remind yourself every day that the what they called you was a reflection of how they saw themselves. Simple as that.

6. They cannot be fixed

Narcissists see nothing wrong with what they do or say, so helping them is nearly impossible and pointless. Your love cannot change them for they do not want to be changed or see no reason to change. Let that go.

7. Their lack of love for you does not define what you really deserve

Just because they couldn't treat you right or love you in ways that you needed, doesn't mean someone won't. They were not the person for you and love does not destroy you. Narcissistic people have a good way of making us feel like they are the only ones that can love us and that they are the only ones who "know" us, which is not true. They don't love you and they only know the you that they have chiseled you into. You are worthy of so much more than that.

8. You will have to move on without an apology

Getting an apology out of a narcissistic individual is like pulling teeth, and I am sorry. You are going to have to suck up the idea that you need closure to let go and move on. You are capable of moving on without an apology, but you have to give that to yourself. They will never be or feel sorry for the pain that they caused you and any time they say that they are sorry, remember, it is a mind game to manipulate you. Narcissists are hardly ever sorry.

9. Your memory is fine, they just have "Toxic Amnesia"

Toxic amnesia is when a "toxic" person pretends to not remember an event that happened or conversation that you two had. As unfortunate as this is, it does happen. It will lead the victim to believing that he/she is crazy or that there is something wrong with their memory. Well, your memory is fine.

10. And yes, it is normal to miss your narcissistic ex-lover

You are probably wondering how and why you miss someone who has destroyed your every being, which is completely normal. You have become unfragmented and no longer a part of who you once were to fit their every need, there are reasons why you would go back to the only person you think could ever love you. But remember that what they were giving you isn't love and will never be love will always keep you moving forward.



Cover Image Credit: Joshua Earle

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

10 Soulful Luke Combs Lyrics To Get You Through That Bad Breakup

Breakups are tough, but Luke Combs is here to help.

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Breakups are very hard to deal with, whether you ended the relationship or your significant other did. The clock on the wall will cure it all and so will Luke Combs, so here's 10 lyrics to do exactly that:

1. "But the clock on the wall will cure it all, even though that ain't how it seems"

2. "You wrecked my world when you came and hit me like a hurricane"

3. "Whoever said it ain't the end of the world and you'll find somebody new, must've never met you"

4. "I picked myself up off the floor and found something new worth living for"

5. "Don't know what you got 'till it's gone, and you're out on your own. All you want is what you can't get back"

6. "And I ain't gotta see my ex future mother-in-law anymore. Oh lord, when it rains it pours"

7. "I'm one number away from calling you. I said I was through, but I'm dying inside"

8. "The second I left, I was kicking myself cause I knew I should've stayed."

9. "I didn't know then, but I sure know now that long neck iced cold beer never broke my heart"

10. "There's a lot of things in this 'ole world I can stand, but when it comes to losing you I just can't"

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4 Reasons I Will NEVER Get Back Together With Any Of My Ex-Boyfriends

It's your loss babe, not mine.

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For being so young I have gone through so much unfair and unnecessary pain because I tried to find love too quick. I have not had one relationship end on good terms and I wish I could say it was all their fault, but I cannot help but to believe there must be something I am doing wrong.

In this generation, people say "I love you" too fast and goodbye too soon. We millennials put all our passion in the beginning of things, forgetting there are greater ends to be discovered. My soul has beaten down, broken, and lost to multiple men that I believed had true intentions. Even though I have never had a good relationship, to be extremely honest, if I knew when I was younger who would break my heart I would never try to change it.

Somedays, like the day I am writing this on, I feel empty and lost because of the suffering that I have experienced and I feel as though I will never be good enough and never find complete happiness. On other days I rejoice because the men that have broken my heart have humbled me. I am loathsome and grateful for them and my experiences with them all at the same time.

Although there are saddening times and certain things that I miss about my exes I will never get back together with any of them for four reasons.

1. Immaturity.

I started dating when I was 13. My first real boyfriend, and what I thought at the time to be first my first real love, broke up with me through text on New Year's Eve. My 13-year-old self was devastated and thought my entire world was ending. Clearly, that is an experience I remember and tell because the kids in middle school and junior high really believe that they are with their forever person, but they have a huge awakening because immaturity does not go well with relationships.

2. Cheating.

Getting cheated on broke my entire image of myself and I couldn't find one good quality about myself because I truly believed that if there was one that he would not have done it. I was wrong, and I wish the day that I found out he had cheated on me that I would not have begged for him to stay with me. After choosing another girl over me I should have realized he is and never will be the truly good man I need and he does not deserve the woman I am.

3. We changed.

I'm not completely the same person I was three months again, let alone 2 years again, and honestly, neither is he. Growing apart is not a bad thing, it is something that just happens naturally. Years later, when we speak, I may not laugh at the same jokes anymore and I may not smile at the same things that I did when I was 16. We both have been with other people and have seen and done new things, there is nothing wrong with that. It is just simply moving on. As Sam Waterson said, "If you're not moving forward, you're falling back." I chose to move forward with my life over falling back into my toxic relationships and for that, I have changed into someone I love and someone they will never have again.

4. You let me down.

I have two expectations of men when it comes to dating, to be loyal and to be loving. A relationship is nothing without trust and giving the same energy back that you put in. That is completely what all my past relationships have lacked. My exes have let me down because they could not fill my expectations that should be what is in any normal, healthy relationship. In today's world, everyone has commitment issues and not many people know how to let themselves just fall. That is devastating for the people that do because they, like myself, get hurt and are made to feel it's their fault.

To everyone I've dated or talked to, thank you for breaking my heart and showing me that you are exactly what I do not need in my life.

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