I'd Rather Die Alone Than End Up Becoming A Trophy Wife

I'd Rather Die Alone Than End Up Becoming A Trophy Wife

I fervently value my independence and I'm also a firm believer that every woman should too.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
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Simply put, I'll never be the kind of woman who walks into a dinner party in the arm of an older, wealthy businessman with a frigid smile on her face only to be shown off and taken advantage of. I will never allow a man to control me, tell me what to do or who to be because I know myself, my strengths and all my capabilities.

One of my biggest passions, besides curating content about love/relationships, is legal theory. Yes, you read that right—I'm studying to go into law school.

I know, it sounds unconventional for someone like me to plan a career in such an oversaturated industry where becoming successful is hard in itself, but even harder when you're a woman, don't come from a wealthy family, or don't have connections to pave a way into a senior associate position.

I always used to think that if I really wanted to become an attorney, I was going to have to marry rich. I was going to have to be the type of girl who marries a man with more authoritative power in order to help me leap over the obstacles between me, my debilitating student loans and my dream of having my last name stenciled into some metal plaque.

And it irked me how dependent I was going to have to be in order to achieve the goals I've worked so hard to accomplished but merely be denounced with the label "trophy wife" stuck on my forehead.

Because here's the truth: I want to be able to take full credit for the degrees I'm determined to earn and to solely work my way up as I go. I don't want anyone to think that I became a "trophy wife" just so I could take the one way easy pass to the top.

I don't ever want to get myself involved into some beneficial relationship where I'm exchanging my freedom for a man's power and wealth, because I'm the type of woman who will stand up for myself when a guy isn't treating me right. Even if it takes me a few more years, even if I don't get accepted into the most reputable law school, even if I'm stuck in meaningless internships where I'm stuck filing paperwork inside a windowless closet—I'm powerful and capable of anything as long as I own up to myself and my self worth.

Marriage to me is a type of commitment that should be done when you truly love someone. Marriage shouldn't be used as a means to simply "buy" your way into a type of dream you've always wanted to live. Of course, we all want to live our best lives. We all want to have a beautiful house with a white picket fence, a closet full of designer clothes and handbags, a life where everything can be handed to us or simply bought for us.

But imagine a marriage where you aren't loved or appreciated. Where you constantly have to maintain a certain aesthetic to be considered attractive and you can't talk about your emotional feelings because you didn't get into this type of arrangement to do that. You're simply going to live a superficial life with a complacent smile plastered onto your face.

That's why I would become anything else in life other than a trophy wife.

I'd rather live a less than perfect, less picturesque life with a man who truly appreciates me, understands how strong I am, listens to my endless verbal rants for hours on end and still love for me being me—beauty flaws and all.

I fervently value my independence and I'm also a firm believer that every woman should too. With that, I advise all you strong, independent women to take advantage of your lives. Understand your capabilities and learn to value your self worth, before any man has the opportunity to take advantage of it.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?

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Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

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Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
225
views

There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

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