The new year is right around the corner and what better way to stick to any kind of goal than to write it down in a public place so you can see it and others can keep you accountable?
I won't lie, I have been off my dating game for a couple of years now and I think it is time to make some major changes in my life in 2020, but especially within this specific part of my life. Here are 20 resolutions I'm making for my dating life next year:
Put myself out there more.
Let's face it, I'll never meet anyone if all I do is go to work and come home. I'm almost 23 years old, I should be going out and having the time of my life, but instead, I binge watch "Supernanny" in my bedroom when I am not at work.
Focus on my relationship with Jesus.
When I was away at college, I focused a lot on Jesus and church and trying to put him at the center of not only a romantic relationship, but my friendships as well. Ever since I graduated from college, I haven't done this as much. Other things have come up that have been pushed to the forefront of my mind and taken that place. I think it is time to get back to that because the outcomes turn out better when I am relying and trusting in Him more than I rely on and trust myself.
Focus on a relationship with myself.
I'm a people-pleaser, which means I tend to focus on my relationships with others before I focus on a relationship with myself and on my needs, and to be in a healthy relationship one day, I need to be more in tune with myself and my needs.
Learn to love myself in the process.
You know that saying, "You have to love yourself before you can love somebody else" or whatever, I firmly believe that until I am confident in the person I am and love that person, I will not be able to give love to another person to the fullest.
Stop settling.
Oh gosh, settling. I fear I have often settled for someone because they were available and showing interest in me. I didn't really care about their values, what they wanted out of a relationship, or really anything. I wanted the attention, the validation, and that person's love — even when I knew they were not right for me. Moving into 2020, if I want things to work I have to stop settling for less than I deserve.
Stop making excuses for myself.
You know that friend who has not been on a date or in a relationship for years, and they are always chalking it up to, "Oh, I'm just too busy right now. I'll get around to it eventually," well I am here to tell you that is a lie because I have said it so many times purely out of the fear of being vulnerable with someone only for them to hurt me again. At no point in time was I so overly busy that I could not even fathom getting to know someone and dating them — it was always that fear of being hurt that held me back. I was always making up an excuse as to why I couldn't when I was just scared. And, it is OK to be scared, but I need to push through that fear anyway.
Stop making excuses for crappy behavior.
In high school, I put up with so much crap from my S.O.'s all because I wanted to feel validated and have that connection with someone. Even if that meant dating someone who really only was interested in one thing or someone who ghosted me and had his friend text me and break up with me. Well, no more. No more crappy behavior and lack of communication.
Stop micromanaging things.
Micromanager, control freak, it is all the same thing and boy do I have a problem with holding onto things — again, out of fear, so I don't lose them completely. When in reality, it is the micromanagement behavior causing me to lose someone. I have control and trust issues, and I am working on them to become a better version of myself.
Worry less and enjoy more.
Along with being a control freak, I am also a worry wart. I can't enjoy the good things all around me because I'm too busy waiting for the world to crash around me. Having that kind of attitude causes me to be really negative, and let's face it, nobody wants to be around someone who is negative constantly. I need to learn how to enjoy the moment during all the good times while I am surrounded by good people.
Value "me time."
"Me time" is so important. Even when you are married to someone, value still needs to be placed on having that "me time." I know for me, because I am an introvert, having that alone time is so necessary for me to recharge. It is the thing that is important to my overall well-being.
Make time for my girlfriends.
Having some solid gal pals is just as important as making time for myself. It is important to have friends outside of your relationship with your significant other. It is important to have a life outside of your relationship and other people who you can connect and relate to. While for me that sense of community is my girlfriends, yours could literally be anything. They could be your church group, an extracurricular group, literally anywhere you can build connections.
Stop rushing things.
I like to rush things. I like making things happen and making them happen fast. I like to think that it makes me efficient when in reality all it does is cause me to misstep or maybe not see things so clearly. Rushing things has caused me to date the wrong guys all because I wanted them to love me, even when I knew I could never really love them. I am learning that it is OK to slow down, take my time, and be picky in what I want in my next relationship.
Take a lot of pictures.
I know this goal seems silly, but it is true. The next relationship I am in, I want to take more pictures. In any relationship I ever had, I would rarely (if ever) take pictures with them because I was too self-conscious to do it. I was too worried about how I looked rather than the memory we were making. I also want to capture all these moments because one day I want to have all of these pictures that one day my children will be able to look at them. I want something that both I and my children can hold onto.
Let the relationship go, if necessary.
If a guy or relationship is not right for me or just simply does not work out, I want to be able to let that relationship go rather than sticking around and waiting for something that deep down I know is just not right.
Make the first move.
Listen, I am a pretty shy person. I'm for sure not a first move maker, and in 2020 I want to change that. I want to be more confident in myself and what I bring to the table and make the first move.
Use my voice.
In most of my relationships, I avoided conflict in order to keep the peace. I'm not that person who will voice her concerns or feelings if I know it will upset the peace and harmony that we have. Instead of speaking up, I just let it fester and build until the smallest of things set me off one day and I just lost it. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to have healthy communication and be able to voice what I am feeling, good or bad, and work through it with my partner.
Spend time with the person I care about, not money on them.
At the end of the day, relationships are not about how much money you can spend on each other, but how much time you spend with and how many memories you can make with one another. I can promise I am not going to remember the amount of money that was spent on me, but what I am going to remember is how the time spent made me feel.
Be vulnerable.
I have an issue with the whole vulnerability thing. I am really good at making others think I am open and willing to be vulnerable, but I really only share the bare minimum in a way that makes it seem as if I am opening up my soul. In reality, it is just surface-level stuff. I could be dealing with a lot and only share one minor point and guide the conversation around that instead of talking about everything else in my life. That is something that needs to stop. I need to learn how to truly be open and vulnerable with another person — it is the only way to really connect.
Grow with my future significant other.
I want my significant other to know my goals and cheer me on, just as I want to know his goals and cheer him on. I want us to be each other's biggest cheerleaders and the person the other can come to when the going gets tough.
Really love one another.
I just desire to truly, deeply love someone and be loved in that way.
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