Having High Standards Kept Me Single A Long Time, But A Worthy Man Is Worth The Wait

Having High Standards Kept Me Single A Long Time, But A Worthy Man Is Worth The Wait

A personal account of my own high standards.

A personal account from my article, "Having High Standards Isn't Just OK, It's #Goals"

Growing up I was told far and wide by my parent’s friends that I would someday be a “heartbreak hotel.” At the time, I didn’t really understand what they all meant by this and took it as they just thought I was very cute. So, I twinkled my chocolate eyes at them and dipped my body into a small curtsy giggling as I looked shyly at the floor.

As I made my way into high school, I, of course, had the typical 8th-grade fling that most preteens have. It was a great friendship between the two of us. I can’t deny it. But after that, and our official breakup at the beginning of freshman year, I set off into an adventure through the Sahara Desert of relationships.

This is also known as being forever single.

It wasn’t that I was just single. I had my fair share of flirting and talking to guys, and massive crushes. I just never found anyone who held similar standards as me and sadly, felt the same way about me. This didn’t bother me though. I knew who I was and what I wanted in a relationship. I didn’t want something that evolved around hooking up every weekend and mildly talking through the week. I wanted someone who cared for me as much as my heart did too.

What bothered me were the adults who would see me through the course of my high school career and ask if I had any boys in the picture. When I answered no, they gave me these incredibly shocked faces and gasped saying, “How could anyone not want to date you? Look at you, you’re absolutely gorgeous.”

Of course, as a self-conscious teenager my first thought to that was, if I am that pretty why haven’t guys wanted to date me? I obviously wasn’t that pretty then.

Another thing that bothered me was that they assumed boys would want to date me solely on my looks. I understand I’m averagely attractive, but I think that for the people I found myself interested in it was more my personality than my looks that drove them away. I’m very loud, outspoken, and hyper. For some people, this didn’t appeal to them, but I wasn’t going to change who I was for them.

Likewise, I had a tendency to build friendships first. I didn’t like the idea of just pushing into a relationship and learning about each other along the way, and sure, there are many things you learn when you start dating someone no matter how long you’ve known them, but I loved the idea of having a solid base or relationship to come from before starting to date. This left me inevitably in the friend zone.

I also was very picky because of my high standards. Like I said above, I had my fair share of guys “sliding into my DMs,” and “hitting me up” on Snapchat. None of them fit the person I wanted to be with though. I needed someone who didn’t need me at all hours of the day, but wanted me throughout the day. I didn’t want a gushy romance of breakups and “I-love-yous.”

I wanted something steady and dependable. Something I knew I could have even when everything else felt like it was falling apart.

That’s when I met him. I know, I know, sounds sappy and gushy, but I had gone through almost my entire high school career without a single “I like you” or first kiss. I was utterly shocked when he quietly crawled his way into my life.

I unsurprisingly did finish my high school career without a first kiss. It wasn’t until the summer going into my first year of college did I receive that kiss, and it was awkward as all get-out because of me and my lack of experience. But that’s beside the point.

Through him, I found a guy who cared me for me and all of me. There was nothing about me he had “learn” as our relationship started because I was me for the entire time we were friends. I was the extremely loud, obnoxious, opinionated person that I am still to him today. And for some reason, we were friends for almost an entire year before anything happened between us. Things just fit, but he fell into all of my standards and held almost identical ones to me as well.

The point is I wouldn’t do anything differently in my life to get a boyfriend or significant other.

People ask me how I can know what I want at such a young age in a guy, but the way I look at it is that at any age you should want a guy that treats you like a queen. Your standards shouldn’t change because of how attractive a guy is. They should stand firm and you shouldn’t take anyone who doesn’t meet them.

That’s way my first relationship has worked out so well. I’ve held these standards for so long, and I can only hope he does too and continues to hold them. Relationships work two ways, and I think this is why so many relationships fall apart. I’m not saying I’ve figured out relationships because I don’t know the future of my own or anyone’s, but I know right now, that what I have is something very special.

I know that I wouldn’t have it either if it wasn’t for my high standards.

That’s why I’m not bothered anymore when people ask how I can know if I actually love him since it’s my first relationship, or how I know this is what I want. I’m not bothered that I have held myself to my own standards and haven’t let myself accept anything less than.

Cover Image Credit: Julia Desrosiers

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If You Really Want To Get To Know Someone, Ask These 100 Questions

Everyone has a story that you know nothing about and it's hard to even know where to begin, so here's 100 questions to really open a conversation as to who someone is on their deepest levels.

If you truly want to get to know someone, you must delve much deeper than "favorites" and small talk.

Everyone has a story and if you're committed, that's something you should get to know and understand.

So, when in doubt, here's 100 questions to ask to truly begin to know who someone is on their deepest levels.

  1. What makes you happy?
  2. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
  3. What are your top 3 goals in life? How do you plan to achieve them?
  4. If you had $10,000.00, what would you do with it?
  5. What is your deepest fear?
  6. What is your darkest secret?
  7. What is your all time favorite song?
  8. What is the motto you live by?
  9. Who is your biggest role model?
  10. If you could meet any deceased person for lunch, who would you meet and why?
  11. Who’s the first person you call when something incredible happens? When something awful happens?
  12. What is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
  13. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?
  14. Describe your perfect date.
  15. Do you prefer to fly or drive? Why?
  16. What’s your all-time favorite memory?
  17. Who’s had the biggest influence on you during your lifetime?
  18. Are you religious? Do you believe in any higher power?
  19. What gets you out of bed in the morning? What makes you happy to jump out of bed in the morning?
  20. Are you a morning person or a nighttime person?
  21. Would you ever compete on a reality show? Which show?
  22. What is grounds for ending a date immediately?
  23. Would you ever take back someone who’s cheated?
  24. Have you ever/would you ever ride a motorcycle?
  25. What’s something materialistic you could never live without?
  26. Do you shop at thrift stores?
  27. What do you want to be remembered for?
  28. What’s your favorite quote?
  29. What’s the most awkward situation you’ve ever been in?
  30. What is your spirit animal?
  31. What is your most unusual talent?
  32. What accomplishment are you most proud of?
  33. Do you volunteer anywhere? Why?
  34. Do you believe in any conspiracy theories?
  35. What’s your favorite takeout food?
  36. Did you enjoy your high school years? Your college years?
  37. Would you ever/have you ever done karaoke?
  38. What is something you avoid at all costs?
  39. What did you want to be when you were young?
  40. What’s one job you would never do?
  41. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
  42. What is your dream job?
  43. If you were lost in the woods, how long do you think you would survive? Why?
  44. Would you prefer to live in a large city or in the middle of the woods?
  45. What movie can you practically quote from start to finish?
  46. If you were a ghost, where would you haunt? Why?
  47. If you had to relive 10 minutes of your life for the next 48 hours, which 10 minutes would you relive?
  48. What is your absolute favorite memory?
  49. If you could master one new skill, what would it be?
  50. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you in the last month?
  51. What makes you feel accomplished?
  52. What is the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?
  53. Do you have any tattoos? What do they mean to you?
  54. What was your first job?
  55. Do you like surprises?
  56. What is your favorite word?
  57. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
  58. Would you ever take back someone who cheated?
  59. Do you believe in second chances?
  60. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest regret?
  61. What’s one controversial topic you’re incredibly passionate about?
  62. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?
  63. What are some personal “rules” you never break?
  64. If your childhood had a smell, what would it be?
  65. What are your top 3 priorities in life?
  66. What are the top 3 things on your bucket list before you die?
  67. What was the best advice you’ve ever received? Who gave it to you?
  68. If you could meet any historical figure, who would you choose to meet?
  69. How many siblings do you have? How close are you to them?
  70. What is your alcoholic beverage of choice?
  71. Do you enjoy dancing?
  72. How many dates must you go on before you lock lips?
  73. What are some of your insecurities?
  74. What are some of your pet peeves?
  75. Do you speak any other languages? Are there any languages you want to learn?
  76. What 3 qualities do you value most in a person? What 3 qualities do you admire most in a person? Why and why?
  77. What songs bring back memories for you? What memories and why?
  78. Where do you get the majority of your news?
  79. What social media are you on? Why are you on it?
  80. What enriches your life more than anything?
  81. What is your definition of “home”?
  82. When you’re incredibly stressed, what do you do to calm down?
  83. Have you ever shot a gun?
  84. How do you feel about the military?
  85. How close are you with your family?
  86. Would you ever go on a blind date? Who would you allow to set you up on a blind date?
  87. Who would you trust with your life?
  88. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? Why?
  89. What is your definition of “love”?
  90. Why do you think you are on this earth? What is your purpose in life?
  91. What was the worst time of your life? The best time?
  92. Do you want to have kids? Why or why not?
  93. What seemingly normal thing really upsets you?
  94. Do you have any phobias?
  95. Are you a dog person or are you a cat person?
  96. Do you take long or short showers? Or baths?
  97. What style do you want to decorate your first apartment/house?
  98. How do you feel about sex before marriage?
  99. What quality do you love most about yourself?
  100. When will you consider yourself “successful” in life? How do you define “success”?
Cover Image Credit: Personal Photo

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I'm Terrified Of Commitment, But I'll Do Whatever It Takes To Make Love Work

Let’s face it, love is a trap we’re all too happy to fall into.

The human heart is one of the most complex organs in our entire body, second only to the brain. If that’s so, then why is it always drowning out all the logic my head spews out in favor of something so completely senseless and delusory?

Let’s face it: love is a trap we’re all too happy to fall into.

Sweaty palms, flushed cheeks, accelerated heart rate… seems more like an illness rather than symptoms of something that’s supposedly “beautiful” or “everlasting."

I don’t mean to sound like a pessimist, but how could I not be with the way modern love is set up? In this world of online dating and Tinder, we are presented with immediate gratification just with a simple swipe. With so many choices, option paralysis is evident – so many selections at your disposal and it’s so overwhelming that you end up not making a decision at all.

Disregarding that, say you do get into a relationship. Say you actually really enjoy it (good for you). Soon the reality will sink in.

You’re either spending the rest of your life with that one individual or you’ll eventually part ways to find someone else better suited for you. Here’s what’s scary about that: in a relationship, love is rarely ever shared equally. One person will inevitably love the other more.

What if you’re convinced that person is 'the one', your honest-to-God soulmate, but you’re just a passing fancy for them, soon to be discarded and left behind as if you were nothing?

All of this was a philosophy I had elaborately created as a result of my disastrous high school relationships. I’m extremely passionate and would end up devoting all of my time, energy, and heart to whomever I was with at the time. All I ever got in return were headaches and heartbreak.

Eventually, I decided love was just one of the most elaborate hoaxes of all time and all of humanity has been effectively conned for the past hundred years with the greatest distraction known to man. Still, that’s not to say that I gave up on relationships. I still had them (a girl gets bored every now and then) and yeah, I enjoyed myself during the whole thing. But I never entered a relationship without knowing that I would leave sooner or later once the fun was gone.

That was, of course, until I finally fell for someone.

God, what a feeling. It’s like having the heaviest weight placed in the bottom of your stomach while simultaneously setting your heart in flight. Totally nonsensical, unless you’ve actually been in love. It’s whenever they walk into the room and everything suddenly brightens because they are the sun your world revolves around.

It’s feeling lost and empty all day until you finally get a chance to see them and that missing chunk of you is finally made full because, with them, you’re home. It’s feeling alone in a room packed with people until you see their face smiling back at you because they’re your person, the one that understands you better than your own self. Nothing had terrified and intrigued me so completely before.

As time, that fear slowly disintegrated as I let myself dive deeper. It was the best kind of drug – addictive, yet instead of ripping something away, love adds. Love fills and fills your heart to the point where you think it’ll burst, and yet, it just expands, growing bigger to accumulate all of that good feeling you just can’t get enough of. And I promise nothing else could ever compare.

So, I guess in the battle between head vs. heart, sometimes you just have to let your head take the fall. Nothing is as fulfilling as meeting someone who’s completely designed for you, unzipping yourself and baring all to be warmly embraced and accepted for all your little flaws and eccentricities. If I knew how love could radiate warmth and bliss through your whole being, I wouldn’t have been so closed off before.

While my philosophy on modern love might take a while to dismantle, falling in love has definitely thawed the ice casing I was under and opened my eyes to the idea of something long-term. If this happiness could last even longer, I’ll do everything in my power to make it so. Nothing else has been worth fighting for.

Cover Image Credit: Alexandra Gorn

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