If You're Under The Age of 25, You Really Have No Business Getting Married

If You're Under The Age of 25, You Really Have No Business Getting Married

It doesn't make sense to rush into marriage when you're likely not ready.
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Marriage. It’s what brings us together, today.

Or in this case, it might tear some of our opinions apart.

Look, I’ll be honest, I’m very pro-marriage. I favor the institution of marriage and I think it’s a beautiful thing for heterosexual and same-sex couples alike to be legally recognized in a union together.

However, I don’t think it’s the best idea for young couples to get married.

When say I young couples, I mean couples that are in their late teens to their mid-twenties. In the United States, this age range is when one is either obtaining a degree, working, or finding themselves on their own for the first time. This time is when many young adults have first left their parent's nest, and are in a transitive state between childhood and their lives as full adults.

It’s a typical anecdote that teens and young adults make mistakes. Or, as the artist Khalid put it, are “Young, Dumb and Broke.” Most college students have limited funds since school is expensive and it’s difficult to get a well-paying job while in school. Young adults who enter the workforce right away have to learn how to save and manage an adult lifestyle. For many young adults of either category, their parents are still likely to help with their expenses.

Is it justified to be getting engaged and married when you’re not entirely independent of your parents?

I think the answer is no.

In a society that is moving toward economic equality of both sexes, where women don’t have to rely on their family before a husband takes over, marriage represents a union between two adults to recognize their love, commitment and sharing of personal assets.

Relying on your parents to pay for the majority of your life and not having strong financial management knowledge does not bode well for managing a household within a marriage. Of the leading causes of divorce, financial disagreement is a top reason for marital dispute and separation. So, why start off on the wrong foot by not being financially independent?

There’s also the issue of brain development. While you may feel mature for your age, the human brain is not finished developing until on average, 25 years of age. The part of the brain that matures last is the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for rational decision making — a key component to making long-term decisions.

And while love is irrational, marriage represents more than love. Marriage is a partnership, a trust and a commitment that demands sacrifice. While these components typically rest on a base of love, one must have rational, critical thinking skills to determine if marriage is worthwhile to their long-term interests.

If you are young and deeply in love with someone, why is there a rush? Why not wait, cohabitate and enjoy each other without legal entanglements that you may not be ready to tackle just yet?

Love itself is not enough to sustain a marriage.

Many young adults feel pressure from family, friends or society to find a significant other when they are young. Many older adults might say that if you don’t find someone NOW, the good ones will all be gone. But is this true? Today, the average age for an American man to first marry is 29, and it’s 27 for women. So realistically, the so-called "good" ones will likely not be gone by the time you're wholly independent and mature.

And why should finding a significant other be such a sole focus in a young adult’s life? If this is the time to find yourself, stabilize, start working on your career and to figure things out, why is there rush to settle down? Quite frankly, this period of self-discovery and self-actualization should afford young adults the time to be a little selfish.

And really, it isn’t selfish to put yourself first while you’re young.

It is important to learn to put yourself before others, as that skill can teach necessary humility for personal relationships. But, it’s also essential to be able to put yourself first as well. The early 20’s is the prime time to see things you want and to get them without added responsibilities.

It’s one of the few times in life where you could move across the country at the drop of a hat, or travel just because you want to. You don't need to consider the needs of many people besides yourself, and you can live the exact life you want and gain experience that can enrich the lives of yourself and others later on.

Having a spouse can hinder that freedom. Decisions need to be made together, and why should one person have to give up their young dreams at the expense of another's? Sacrifice is necessary for all relationships, but one shouldn’t feel like they should have to exchange a foundational period of their life all for the benefit of another.

Collectively, financial freedom, a rational brain and a plethora of experience and stability will make you ready for marriage. The vast majority of the young adult population does not have these things by the time they are 25. And if you’re one of the few people that do, you still need to consider if you need more years of independence.

You will need to ask yourself: Is one to seven years of full independence enough? Am I fulfilled? Did I fall in love with myself before I fell in love with someone else?

If you’re unsure of your answer to these questions or if the answer is no, let that prefrontal cortex of yours do some more thinking. Spend more time with your partner before you put a ring on it.

The tone of this article may seem like I’m shaming young couples. The bold headline may be provoking and many of you may think it’s not my business to tell you what to do.

But you know what? I’m not telling you what to do.

I’m not demanding any regulation to prevent you from doing what you want. If you're going to marry someone fresh out of high school or while you're getting your degree, that's your choice.

All I’m here to do is give you some data to let you know there is not a rush to marry and that it doesn't make sense to rush. I’m giving you a personal reminder that now is your time to shine and develop as your own person. I’m here to remind you that marriage requires a lot more than the puppy love that makes us all gush over white weddings and the image of our soulmate at the end of a long aisle.

I’m here to remind all of you that a lot of us are still just overgrown kids, and we should take advantage of that as long as we can.

Being an adult is scary. Many of the freedoms we had as children do not exist, and we become the sole figures responsible for our lives.

Love is beautiful, and love can be free. But love is not free in the context of marriage.

Marriage has rewards and consequences, and let’s not relinquish our love to the legal institution of marriage until we know it’s strong enough to wither hardship. The better we can rationalize our decisions and take comfort in ourselves, the more prepared we as young adults will be to work at and keep love within our marriage contracts until death do us part.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Asked 10 Brides What They Wish They Had Done Differently While Wedding Planning And Their Responses Ring True

When the engagement celebration sets in and the wedding planning begins, 10 brides give their advice on how to plan a kick-ass wedding.

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Maybe it's just me, but I was almost in a state of denial after our engagement. I was on this cloud and I didn't want to start thinking about what's next. But a week later we started thinking about possible dates, venues, and budgets and that when the stress began— which wasn't fun.

It's hard not comparing one's wedding and planning processes to those of the movies and other friends. But every wedding is as different as the couple themselves are; that's what makes a wedding spectacular and amazing! So with wedding planning, I have found some of the best advice I have received has been from first-hand experience. These 10 Brides have something to say when asked the question, "What is one thing you wish you hadn't stressed so much when planning your wedding?"

1. Too much pressure on the event.

"Putting too much emphasis on the event, rather than the reason for being there. Make a commitment to God and each other to make it through the good and the bad times. That's what really matters!" Denise, married December 24th, 1994

2. Take in the moment and live it!

"About the wedding day being perfect, it's gonna go how it's gonna go. Don't stress about it, just take in the moment and live it. Oh and don't be a bridezilla. Ruins the day and the mood." Kayla, married December 9th, 2016

3. Do only what you want to do!

"Worrying about everyone else! It's YOUR DAY! Do only what you want to do!" Ashleigh, June 7th, 2017

4. Don't stress the small stuff!

" Planning wasn't that stressful for me! But when it came to the actual day, there were so many things that I was like, 'this literally doesn't matter.' Such as the flowers or decorations or the little details. Of course they were all great and everything looked amazing. But little details you don't even notice on your wedding day. For me, the day went by SOOO fast! Everything was so fast paced and so I didn't even have time to glance at the decorations table or card table. Don't stress the small stuff! Because on your actual day, it'll be the last thing on your mind! Because you'll just wanna see your groom so bad that nothing else matters!" Kelsie, married August 19th, 2018

5. Too many little details that nobody else cared about.

"Too many little details that nobody else cared about that I cared about too much! So much time went into it which I loved, but it's more about spending time with all the people that you love in your life! They don't care how much money you spend on the day or if everything goes perfectly. They just want you to have a good day and they want to celebrate you and your love and marriage!" Savannah, married October 1st, 2017

6. It's about you and your spouse.

"How much other people thought things are important to them. Dang this is my day and what's important to me and my spouse is what matters. It's about us." Denise, married July 28th, 2007.

7. Having the "perfect picture" like everyone else in my mind had.

"Definitely all the details that you don't really notice, like the seating chart at the reception. Don't stress about getting things done the week of the wedding, if it doesn't get done then it doesn't get done. You're going to get married regardless and no one will even notice it. I also had to keep reminding myself, it's about the marriage, not the wedding. Pictures/video were a big thing I stressed about because I wanted it all to be "perfect" pictures like everyone else in my mind had...I spent so much time finding pictures and trying to match those pictures that I didn't enjoy the picture finding process. I would also say that the night before the wedding don't stress too much about all the details that you hadn't gotten to because it's going to be beautiful and you need sleep, especially if you are going on your honeymoon right away because then you wind up sick...
One big one I stressed about a lot was how well all the pinks in my wedding matched (I'm OCD) Cloth napkins, table runners, the bridesmaid dresses, to the decorations." Presley, married August 18th, 2018

8. The guest list

"Honestly I stressed about the guest list the most and still do even now. Since my fiance and I are both from a small town and both have big families, it took us quite a while to get the guest list figured out. Our wedding budget was also a factor in determining how many people we wanted to have as well. At the wedding you want people there that are an influence on your life and it's hard looking back thinking of all the people that have been a part of it over the last many years. Once that was figured out it was a big relief, but it has also been fun planning everything. Even the guest list." -Morgan, getting married in June of 2019.

9. Thinking too much about making it different or comparable to other weddings.

"I'm a people-pleaser by nature. And because we are young I worried about people looking at our wedding and judging based on what we didn't have. I compared it too much to my other friends' weddings, YouTuber's weddings, and the stuff you see in the movies. And finances were a big stress in the early stages as well. But once we took a step back to just process what our wedding meant to us as a couple and what we want our marriage to be, we were able to lighten up a lot and have more fun! Yes, we had to refocus our finances and savings, but really we just kept reminding one another that this was one day to the rest of our lives together as husband and wife. The best is yet to come. - Megan (Me) Getting married in September of 2019!


It's easy to get into the mindset that your wedding has to be "perfect" and it has to look like weddings in the movies or in the pictures of other people. But that's what's amazing about weddings. They are uniquely yours. If you have a hard time getting out of this mindset like I do a lot of the time, just think about your fiance. Remember that you are committing forever to the one you love. Marriage is more than just one day.

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Your Bachelor Party Is Not An Excuse To Cheat

You're still in a long-term, committed relationship.

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I've always thought the stereotypical portrayal and concept of bachelor parties are idiotic. Getting married changes your life forever, so of course "one last night with the guys" makes sense, but where I draw the line is where a night of guys spending time together transforms into strippers and strip clubs.

Sorry boys, but your bachelor party isn't your "last night of freedom," so there's no point in you trying to come up with an excuse to validate cheating or other acts that would potentially harm your relationship before you even get married.

The way bachelor parties are treated in today's day and age makes it seem like your fiancé getting a drunken lap dance from some girl his buddies hired totally OK. That it's OK for him to get blackout drunk, make mistakes, and promise as a group of guys to never tell you what happened that night.

Well, it's not. It's a damn good way to get your wedding canceled, though.

It's still cheating.

Guys, you know without a shadow of a doubt in your mind that on any other day, your bride-to-be would lose her mind if you so much as had another girl's ass in your face, and rightfully so. The night before your wedding should be a time where you and your best guy friends all hang out, drink some beers at the bar, and have a good time. It shouldn't be a time where your best friends try to sabotage your relationship and you go along with it.

You're still in a relationship. If you're about to get married, odds are it's a pretty serious and long-term one. You didn't drop all that money on a ring just to luge beer out of a stripper's breasts right before your fiancée walks down the aisle.

You should care more about your relationship than to be OK with throwing it all away for one night. This isn't "The Hangover," you're not Bradley Cooper, so don't think you have to have one last crazy night where shit hits the fan.

You and your guy friends are still going to be friends after you have a ring on your finger. Getting married doesn't mean your wife is going to throw you down into a cellar and lock you away, never letting you have fun ever again. It's a loving, committed partnership.

You don't want to start off a marriage with regret, so don't be an idiot at your bachelor party. Your best friends should know better than to try and ruin your relationship right before the biggest milestone in it occurs. If they really try to screw you over by threatening your relationship, they're not really your friends. You don't have to stick dollar bills in a stripper's thong to have a good time together as guys, and you definitely shouldn't be doing that if you're in a committed relationship, no matter the occasion.

You're an individual with free will, but you're not a single man. Don't act like one unless you want to be one.

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