I Am Not Playing Hard To Get, I'm Gay

I Am Not Playing Hard To Get, I'm Gay

"I pretended like I had a phone call and never saw him again."

It was a few weeks in to my sophomore year of college. I wasn't a scared freshman anymore, I was finally out of a very toxic and controlling relationship, and for my first time EVER I was going out with friends with out any rules or regulations. It was the first time my friend group was able to all go out together that year and we could not have been more excited! Our night was going to be filled with club and bar hopping. Being newly single, I was ready for the freedom of my first night out!

We were at the second bar of the night and all having a great time! We were catching up with friends from last year and making new friends for the year to come. I was talking with a guy I recognized from my English intro class. He told me about his summer internship and I told him how I worked with kids all summer. The conversation was going great but then he asked the dreaded question that I try my best to avoid at all costs: "Are you seeing anyone?"

I'm sure you're thinking, "What's so hard about that?" I mean sure, the answer is no. But as soon as I say no to this guy, he is going to think he has a chance. He is going to assume I'm flirting with him if he hasn't already. He's probably going to hope that we end our night together. But he doesn't have a chance, I'm not flirting with him, and there is no way in hell I will be ending my night with him. Why? Because I like girls.

So how did I end up responding to this God forsaken question? I told him that I just got out of a rough relationship. He seemed like he genuinely cared, which was nice. He comforted me, gave me compliments, and told me all the cliches he could think of. He was being very nice and I honestly felt bad that I was about to ruin this guy's night.

"I'M GAY!" I blurted out in the middle of his sentence.

His jaw hit the floor. "So...you like girls."

I nodded my head, took a deep breath, and prepared myself for what was about to come out of his mouth next.

"Aye! I like a challenge." He grinned and started looking me up and down. All the charm this boy had, was now down the drain. And I was really over here thinking I was actually about to have a male friend. I should have told him off. I should have made that an educational moment for him. I should have knocked his beer out of his hand and walked away. But I didn't. I pretended like I had a phone call and never saw him again. But here is what I should have said:

I am not a challenge. I am not playing hard to get. I did not choose to be a lesbian. Some guy did not treat me the wrong way and make me like this. You can't "turn" me. You especially can't "turn" me back. I never was straight to begin with. No, I don't want to just "try" being with a guy. No, I don't want to have a threesome. I like girls because I'm attracted to girls and no guy will ever change that.

Moral of the story: don't claim that you can change someone's sexuality-the only person who can do that is themselves.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

My Girlfriend Came Out As Transgender And Now He's My Boyfriend

And I've never loved him as much as I do now.

My senior year of high school I came out as a lesbian and started dating my first girlfriend. I was so excited to be out and was receiving tons of support from friends and family. Since then, I've had relationships with other girls.

But around two and a half years ago I met someone very special. This person's name was Desiree(Des) and they absolutely changed my life.

I have been fortunate enough to be Des' girlfriend for the past two and half years and it has been the best two and half years of my life. I have fallen completely in love and I am so lucky to be dating my best friend. A couple of months ago, Des came to me saying they were having gender dysphoric feelings. These were not new feelings, but this was the first time they were talking about them openly. I soon found out that these feelings went all the way back to about age 6.

The hurt and shame in Des' voice was heartbreaking. And I was hurting knowing that my love had been hiding himself for the past 21 years. Yes, Des came out to me as transgender that day. I once had a girlfriend that is now my boyfriend.

Now I'm sure the first question you have is "aren't you a lesbian?" and although my sexuality has nothing to do with this article and is none of your business, over the years I have realized that I am pansexual. If you don't know what that is, look it up. Now back to the real point of this article.

Des, born biologically female and raised as a girl, is transgender. Once identifying with she/her/hers pronouns, Des is now using he/him/his pronouns. Des is a man and I have never been more proud to be his girlfriend.

Can you imagine living every day of your life as the person you aren't? Being called a girl when you feel like a boy? Being forced to wear "gender fitting" clothing and hating what you see in the mirror? Now imagine feeling all this pain, and also hearing the horrible things that society says about transgender people and the LGBTQ+ community. Imagine knowing who you are but also knowing that people could hate you for it? That was my boyfriend's life for 21 years. And a lot of people live the same life as well.

But people who are transgender are not freaks and their feelings are not wrong. They way they feel is valid and their identity is true. And I am so proud of my boyfriend for having the strength and courage to live his best life as his truest self. I am so proud to stand next to him, hold his hand, and show the world what unconditional love is.

If someone in your life is trans or is questioning themselves and their gender, please support them. Show them you love them, work really hard to use their preferred pronouns, use gender-inclusive language, and educate others that are ignorant on the topic. They deserve respect and kindness and they are human just like everyone else.

Also, when Des decided to come out to his family, friends, and the world(social media), we decided to have a "gender reveal party!" We did this to be ironic since these parties basically reinforce the completely stupid gender stereotypes our society has plus c'mon, that's freaking funny.

Cover Image Credit: Ciara Gazaway

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I'm Bi And Dating Straight For The First Time Ever

And sometimes it feels weird. In a good way, though.

There’s a time in almost every bisexual’s life when the implications of actually being bi slam against them.

It’s usually the moment when you have to make two profiles on a dating app because it only lets you pick one gender. Or, typically if you’re a woman, all the worst threesome-seeking couples within the tristate area glom onto you like a starved barnacle on a 15th-century Spanish galleon.

For me, it was a Lyft ride. I was on my way home from a Tinder date.

The driver was friendly enough. She was middle-aged and built of soft, sweeping curves. Her car smelled like peppermint and a hand-sewn and very pink Christmas sweater clung to her shoulders. If she wasn’t a grandmother yet, she was already well-prepared for it.

Naturally, we chatted. She asked me what I had been up to. “Just got back from a date.”

“Oh, what was she like?”

I fired back the basics: she was a biochemistry major at Oregon State University, we had a lot in common, had a great time.

There were things I didn’t share: we’d hit it off so well that we’d missed out on plans to see the new Blade Runner and I’d ended up staying the night. That my date had soft, brown eyes with an understating gravity, strong enough that you barely realized she was wearing glasses. But the basic point was relayed.

It hit me as we pulled up to my place. Not once, in describing the idea that I had had a date, did I have to disguise the pronoun of my date to hide her gender.

Later, when I had a second date with Eve, and when we eventually decided to make things official and date for good, the culture shock echoed further: I was in my first-ever straight relationship.

Eve wasn’t the first woman I’d ever dated. However, she was the first woman I’d dated since transitioning to male.

My first relationship started in the 8th grade. I was out as bisexual to a handful of friends and relatives. She was an out-and-proud lesbian. We would stay together for three years, eventually ending up long distance after my family packed up and moved across the country.

Like the best of lesbians, she’d introduced me to the finer points of vegetarian cuisine and we’d write shitty fiction together, my fiction considerably shittier than hers. We’d even stayed friends, for a time, after an amicable breakup.

The entire relationship was spent in various closets. We held hands in the dark. I didn’t even tell my parents until we’d been together for at least two years. We’d ignore the sneers we’d get in public. I handily hid my gender issues.

Not long after I turned eighteen, I stopped hiding the gender issues and began working towards manhood. I’d like to think I did okay for a former girl scout. Along with that? I started dating (and hooking up with) other men.

Like my ex-girlfriend, my ex-boyfriend and I got used to keeping a couple inches away from each other while walking in public, especially in the shadier parts of town. I got used to calling him my “partner” just so I wouldn’t have to out myself as gay/bi to classmates or colleagues.

When I came to realize I would be a guy dating a girl, some small part of me finds I’m still amazed at the novelty of it. Another part of me feels a little guilty. And I feel that weird guilt, especially as I “pass” more and more as a male. I blend in, when I was used to sticking out. Sometimes it’s comforting. Other times I feel like a traitor selling out the gay agenda.

But that’s the thing about being bi. We date who we date. We love who we love. And hoping one of these days, it’ll only be love that matters.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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