It's weird thinking of you as an ex. I didn't think that I'd ever be writing these words, but here I am.
When we met two months ago, I didn't know what to expect at first. You were entirely different than anyone I've ever been with. You blew those of my past out of the water with a simple sweep of your eyes as they locked with mine. I didn't think I'd fall so fast and so hard, but you made it effortless.
My type of guy always ends up being a fuckboy. Guys who don't want to put me first and only see me as an object to conquer before moving onto the next girl. Before you, I was losing my self worth with every passing second. I wanted to be with someone so badly that I let it destroy me. I took my anger and hurt at my situation out on those I loved and made my entire mood revolve around one person. We cared for one another, but where my feelings exceeded his lacked. Expectations can break your heart, and I broke my own because of them.
I dug myself in a dark pit, but you gave me a shovel to start removing the harsh earth of the past, in exchange for fresh air and light.
You showed me class. You paid for our first date, as well as many more, and opened every door for me without a second thought. You wanted to learn my story just as badly as I wanted to learn yours. Respect? You gave me loads of it. The level of comfort I felt with you was something I've never experienced before. I find it hard to trust anyone anymore, but with you, the trust came easily. I had such high hopes for what we could be. You were the kind of person I wanted to introduce to my family because you were everything they would have wanted for me.
But it just wasn't meant to be.
You chased your dreams and now they're happening at the expense of taking you away from home. When you've gone through so much heartbreak and pain, as soon a something pure and good finally comes along, you grasp on and don't want to let go. Letting you go was just as hard for you as it was for me.
I kept asking myself why God would introduce this amazing being into my life just to rip them away when it feels like my life was finally getting better?
God has a plan for you and he has one for me. I'm upset that this plan involves me losing you. I'm tired of being alone, knowing another girl is going to meet you one day, and get to experience all the joy you've brought into my life. That being said, the way we parted was in the most positive light I could ever hope for. There is no bad blood and there never will be. Long distance is something that we decided against, and although I would have tried, I knew it would have only hurt me in the long run.
You showed me what I need. I need someone who is willing to drive over an hour to see me, whether it's for two hours or a whole day, just because they miss me and want to be around me as much as possible. I need someone who can be transparent with me, and treat me with respect. You gave me the drive to push myself to excel in class, and I got almost all A's because of it. I used to want certain things, like a guy with a nice car and a lax boy flow. Superficial things that don't matter and won't ever matter again.
This relationship, despite its brevity, showed me a side of myself I thought I would never see again. I can see that my priority should be me, and I should never settle for anything but the best for myself. You want what is best for me, and of course, I want the same for you. You gave me what I needed to get back up on my feet. You didn't give me what I thought I wanted, and taught me more about myself in the short time we were together than anyone else has before. In life, we are meant to meet certain people that are here to shape us for our person.
Whether it's bad timing and we will meet again or I am meant for someone else, regardless, I now know what I need, and I can thank you for showing me.