17 Painfully Honest Reasons You’re Still Single In Your 20s

17 Painfully Honest Reasons You’re Still Single In Your 20s

If you're only looking for dates online, this is for you.

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Let's face it — we're a bit to blame when it comes to our own single-ness. If we actively choose to be single, that says it in itself, but when we're looking and casually dating and failing, we may begin to blame everyone else. The truth of that matter is, we have ourselves to blame a bit as well and in all honesty, here are 17 reasons we're still single, whether we want to be or not.

1. You're still hung up on your ex.

Sister, it's hard to find love again when your heart is still stuck in the past. No one is going to want to be with the girl who brings up her ex twenty minutes into a date, or at all.

2. The only place you look for potential new partners is a dating app.

Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid...it doesn't matter what your app of choice is, if that's where you do all your searching it's no surprise you're still single. If we're being honest, dating apps have done nothing more than complicate the dating scene further for twenty-somethings.

3. You bail on every date you have last minute.

You know you're guilty of agreeing to hang out with someone (whether it's just a Netflix session or a planned-out date) and then bailing last minute because you got nervous, had something come up, or just simply didn't want to go. What if that could've been the relationship you've been searching for? Bailing last minute is no one's fault but your own.

4. Whenever you meet a nice, quality person you decide you'd much rather just be friends with them.

You know you've done this before. You meet someone who is actually interested in getting to know you, who wants to take you on nice dates, who isn't just going to hit it and quit it...and you only see them as a friend. Why?!

5. You're honestly not even sure if you want a relationship right now.

It's hard to find something if you can't even be honest with yourself, and others, about what you're looking for...

6. You really don't go out much.

The love of your life isn't just going to show up knocking on your doorstep. You have to actually go out and find them, or let them find you. That can't happen when you honestly can't remember the last time you went out.

7. And when you do, you're either a total wallflower or you get so drunk no one can have a serious conversation with you.

Yikes. You gotta find that happy medium for anyone to want to talk to you.

8. You're too picky.

Listen, having standards is important, but a lot of have them way too high. Your partner probably isn't going to fit every little criteria you have set for them, just accept it.

9. You're too obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship.

Ever notice how the hopelessly romantic, relationship-obsessed people tend to be single? Yep, me too. If you're so in love with the idea of being in love, you spend way too much time focusing on all that your relationship could become and not enough in the other areas of your life that need some focus.

10. You try to move too fast.

Look. I don't think talking to someone for a week and then declaring your love for them is the best idea, but what do I know.

11. You're only interested in people that fit your "type."

If they're not the tall, dark, and handsome you've always dreamed of (or whatever else your type entails), you're not interested. Because of this, you're probably passing up potential partners that could be all sorts of amazing.

12. You give up too easily.

When faced with even the slightest bit of conflict, you decide to let it all go. Stop doing that! Relationships take a lot of work, time, and effort. It isn't going to come to you easily.

13. You're too busy for one.

Your 20's are a busy time. You're working, you're a student, or you're doing both in addition to trying to balance yourself and your relationships. Maybe the real reason you're single is because you just don't have the time.

14. You have unrealistic expectations.

If you think relationships are going to be a walk in the park filled with all the butterflies and rainbows that your favorite rom-com has taught you, you have another thing coming. If you think your dream partner is always going to treat you right, you have another thing coming. Don't let your unrealistic expectations for relationships become your downfall.

15. You have sex with potential partners too soon.

If you put out too soon they'll probably leave. Simple as that. I hate to get so down to the point, but once you learn this it will save you in the long run. Almost every time you have sex with partners early on, they turn it all to a sex thing and not to a thing that feels like it can be based in something else.

16. You have shitty friends.

When you date someone, you become fully immersed in their friend group. Maybe your friends are too catty or just plain shitty that the people you're dating don't stick around because they can't see themselves actively hanging out with this group of people all the time. Even more the reason to be picky when it comes to your friendships.

17. And maybe your family isn't the greatest, either.

Just like your friend group, sometimes your family can be your downfall. Ever notice how after you have the "meet the parents" dinner your relationship falls flat?

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?

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Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

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Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
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There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

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