I Messaged 12 Guys On Bumble Using Only Phoebe Buffay Quotes And It Was The Best Worst Idea Ever

I Messaged 12 Guys On Bumble Using Only Phoebe Buffay Quotes And It Was The Best Worst Idea Ever

The one where telling a guy you hear voices in your head isn't a huge turn off...

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Swiping right is the fun part of online dating, but once it comes to thinking of a good pickup line it's easy to resort to an unoriginal "hiii (-:" or to overthink it until your match eventually expires.

I don't know if it was the buzz from my margarita, or my friends hyping me up, but I decided to let Phoebe Buffay take over my Bumble. Two (maybe three) drinks later and I started sending my matches the most off-the-wall Phoebe quotes I could find.

The results? A mix between hilarious and concerning...

Jake from *spank* Farm.

I don't know if I should be concerned that this guy wants to hook up with someone who openly admits to hearing voices or impressed that he isn't buying into the stigma of mental illness. Either way I am not "trying to go out this weekend."

Freakin' Fred...

*Completely disregards the fact I introduced myself as Regina Phalange when my profile says Allyson.*

The straight to the point guy.

This guy is like, "Okay bang... ask questions later." Later he was like, "Sooooo you tryna be wined and dined." I am "tryna" unmatch with you.

Honesty is the best policy. 

I honestly laughed so hard at this guy's response.

Don't knock it until you've tried it.

Little does he know he probably has already been with a girl who views him as meat. It's 2018, Heath.

I'm brunette... it's fine.

Phoebe has game.

Grandma's don't go to the vet, Ryann.

Who spells Ryann with two n's? Guys who think grandmother's go to the vet. That's who.

Robert is so concerned.

Robert. I am talking shit on your crotch.

The one with the intellectual boner. 

We are really weeding out the sex addicts here.

Reed... what a sweetheart.

I might actually let him buy me dinner. I'll keep y'all posted.

When you find a Ross you just have to...

I was dying to find a Ross to match with so I could say this... And look. He was about it.

I have been caught.

It was fun while it lasted.

Phoebe Buffay didn't disappoint. Not only does she have mad game (probably cause she says weirdly sexual things), but every single guy responded no matter how off the wall the quote was. This just goes to show that you can send almost anything and guys will still try to have a good conversation. This experiment was entertaining, to say the least, but most importantly it gave me the confidence to step outside of the box and strike up a conversation with something more original than just "hi."

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Asked 11 Strong Independent College Girls Why They Plan On Staying Single Alllllll 2019

We don't all need a man to be happy.

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Listen. Not every college girl wants a ring by spring or really even cares about finding a man. With the popularity of going to college just to walk out with a Mrs. Degree, all the confident and single ladies tend to get overlooked.

Well, ladies, in case you haven't caught on to 2019's biggest dating trend, I'll share it with you—it's loving yourself and staying single. Here what these 11 strong, independent, college girls say about their plans to stay single alllll 2019.

1. Boys are dumb. Simple as that.

"The male species literally is incapable of using their brain at 20-years-old, I'm going to wait until 30s so maybe they will know how to use their common sense. Sorry boys." - Shelby, 20

2. I want to grow on my own.

"I want to focus on learning more about myself and challenging myself. Also, relationships are complicated so I'd rather spend that time worrying about or focusing on school." - Molly, 18

3. Self-love is the best love.

"I need to learn to love myself more than I have been the past two years. I just got out of a two-year relationship (which I am still severely heartbroken over) but I am actually excited to be living life for me." - Caitlin, 20

4. The time spent on focusing on gaining someone else's love will now be spent on finding love within myself.

"It's not that I plan on staying single, I'm just not going to actively put myself out there and fine tune myself. I have spent the past couple of years doing everything I could to find a guy, dating apps, blind dates, letting my friends run my dating apps, socializing a little extra and it just makes me so tired. I want to focus more on myself and what I like to do. Take myself out for a nice dinner and spend time with me. Not watching Netflix but actually getting to know who I am and love myself again, because how you can expect somebody to love you and know you if you don't even know or love yourself?" - Leah, 23

5. Time for some power moves, sister.

"I'm achieving my career dreams without any man holding me back or making me second guess myself or my decisions!" - Jenny, 21

6. Someone print this on a damn t-shirt or something.

"I'm trying to get A's, not Baes." - Holly, 20

7. Well, to put it simply...

"Men are trash." - Bobette, 22

8. Your potential should not be defined by a relationship.

"I've found there's more to life then having a boyfriend. Right now, I'm transitioning from being a college student to my career and I think the last thing I need is to worry about starting a relationship. I'm going to focus on loving myself this year." - Sarah, 21

9. So much time has already been wasted...

"I plan on staying single because boys have been too much of a waste of my time already." - Erin, 21

10. What's the move in 2019? Self love. That's the move in 2019.

"For myself, honestly. I just want to focus on me." - Lex, 19

11. I'm the best me when I'm single.

"I just function better when I'm by myself. There's no extra stress and no need to please or impress anyone." - Jordyn, 20

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11 Thoughts Single College Girls Experience On Valentine's Day

All the mixed emotions single girls feel on Valentine's Day

Dr King
Dr King
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Other than my junior year, any Valentine's Day that came across during my college years were filled with a wide range of emotions. Part of me was salty because I wanted the gifts and attention others were getting. Part of me was relieved that I didn't have to plan anything and could focus on classes the next day. Most of the time though Valentines Days were filled with anticipation for the "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy.

I've always wondered how my personal mixed emotions seemed to line up with the general population and research shows that it's complicated for many. Although singles aren't necessarily devastated by it, our thoughts about Valentines Day depend on many situational factors.

And if you're a single college girl, you may be thinking these 11 things on Valentine's Day:

1. “I wish I had a boyfriend just for the day.”

This is what some girls are thinking if they’ve been single for a while and they don’t necessarily miss being in a long-term relationship, but they just want completely undivided attention for the day and a romantic candlelight dinner.

2. “I’m glad I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t need a man.”

This is what usually goes on through girl's heads if they're the independent type who don't place that much value on relationships. They might still scroll through Instagram out of pure nosiness, but if anything, they're probably thinking about how happy they are in the relationship they have with themselves.

3. “I wonder if he’ll send me a happy Valentine’s Day text...or maybe it’s too early for that.”

Valentines Day is already hyped up enough when you’re in a relationship and it’s to be expected that you probably won’t be doing anything romantic if you’re single on that day. But what about those who are in a situationship? Yes, it’s that awkward phase when an official title isn’t there, but that doesn’t mean Valentines Day can’t be brought up at all. Don’t you secretly hope that the person you’re involved with will at least send you a “Happy Valentines” text or stop by and give you a rose?

4. “Wait, they’re actually together?”

On Valentine's Day, the timeline on Instagram is similar to the Oprah Winfrey meme “You get a car! You get a car!" except it's with boyfriends instead. This girl has a boyfriend! *gasp* and this girl has a boyfriend too! *gasp*

5. “Wait...didn’t she just key his car and slash his tires after he hooked up with her best friend last week?”

This exact thought might be a tad bit of an overexaggeration, but it's still the most awkward thing when you see a picture of a couple looking as happy as can be, but deep down everyone knows that their relationship is nothing but drama behind closed doors.

6. “I’ll just hang out with my girl friends, eat pizza, and gossip.”

Girls who enjoy the company of their closest friends more than anyone else will most likely be thinking of hosting a Galentine's Day party rather than a Valentine's Day party. Besides, romantic love isn't the only love that exists.

7. “I’ll treat myself with chocolate.”

Let's be real. Valentine's Day is the perfect time to take a break from the diet and splurge on candy and chocolate.

8. “I’ll treat myself with wine.”

Other than candy and chocolate, wine would be the third option as a substitute for having someone special for Valentine’s Day.

9. “I can’t believe I got dumped.”

Believe it or not, the time of February is peak breakup time. A Facebook study showed that around the time of Valentine’s Day is usually when you’ll notice breakups start to happen in a more recurring manner.

10. “It’s literally no different than any other day.”

Then finally, there are the people who really don't give a damn about Valentine's Day at all because ultimately, it's just another day.

11. “Maybe this wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't dick deprived.”

Sometimes Valentine's Day doesn't have people thinking about intimacy and romance. Sometimes it's just a reminder of the sexual drought you've been going through for a while.

Dr King
Dr King

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