10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You End Your Relationship Of 1+ Year

10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You End Your Relationship Of 1+ Year

It's important to remember that your own self worth is important too.

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Being in a relationship is hard as hell. But, being in love with someone is also the most rewarding and happiest feelings that you could ever put yourself though.

If you're young, you're often bombarded with the statements that you're losing the best years of your life, or that you're too young to know what love is.

If you're starting to believe that maybe you're not the happiest you can be, it's super important to understand that it's perfectly normal, you're not alone. We can figure this out together.

Here are what questions you should ask yourself before you decide to break up with your long-term significant other:

1. Am I the happiest I can be with my S.O.?

Well, are you? This is super important when you're in a relationship. You usually are always thinking about the happiness of your partner rather than yourself. It's important to take a step back and look at in from the outside in. You need to be selfish, and think about your own happiness, before theirs. Is being with them obstructing from being genuinely happy? Do you feel like you're being blocked from being the happiest you can be? Maybe it is time to rethink your relationship.

2. Does my S.O support my goals like I want them to?

What are you aspirations in life? What do you hope to reach in a year? in a month? in a day? in the next few minutes? Is your partner cheering you on? Do they support whatever you want to do with your life? You need to make sure that they are rooting for you to win, not to lose. You'll be surprised how many things you'll realized when asking yourself this question. It's not just about your long term goals, it's about your short term goals too! Are they there for those too?

3. Do their goals line up with mine?

It's not just about your goals- it's about theirs too. Do their goals align with what you believe in? Can you see yourself openly supporting their goals and wanting them to win full throttle? It's important that you're not putting on a front for them to make them happy. If you honestly don't believe that they can do it, or that you don't agree with what they want to do you need to let them go and find someone that might. You might be the toxic one here.

How do they make me feel when they're around?

Wow. I seriously don't want to take this one lightly. This is a question many people in relationships fail to ask themselves. Someone can make you feel great about yourself if they are good looking or attractive but, if you feel terrible about yourself you might want to rethink putting yourself through another month of a relationship. If someone is supportive, instead of controlling then you're going to feel good about yourself. Being in a space that makes you feel bad about yourself is not a good space to put yourself in.

5. Am I growing in this relationship?

Growth is mad important in a relationship some people think that change in a relationship is bad, but it't not at all. Do yourself a huge favor think about where you were before this relationship started. Are you the same person you were? Did you like that person. Now think about yourself now, where did you notice that change? Is it a good place? Is there where you want to be? And if you see no growth what-so-ever then you need to get out, now.

6. What do I want out of this relationship?

Did you want this to just be a lesson learned, or do you want this to be the real deal? What were your exceptions with being with this person, what were your expectations after a year? Did your relationship fit those expectations?

7. Have I tried everything I could to save this relationship?

Is this just something you're pulling out of the blue? Did you even end up talking to them about your hesitation? You want to make sure you gave your partner enough time to try and fix what's wrong. Or that you at least spoke about it to them and you're not just pulling a wild card. I think it's fair to give them a warning, right?

8. Do you see a future with your S.O.?

And what exactly is that future? Do you see yourself married with a few kids? Or do you see yourself as friends? Or nothing at all? If you genuinely see this person on the other side of the aisle then you should probably stick it out, or take a break or have coffee and talk about each of these questions. And, well, if you don't then it's best for you to part your ways and continue the journey of finding a love or your purpose in this life.

9. Could it be me?

I wouldn't completely blame your partner for everything. Sometimes you have to realize that you could be the problem, think back to your years together was there anything that made your partner unhappy? Can you pin-point when this distance started or when you started feeling this way? Sometimes you have to take the blame for your actions, and maybe dust off your shoulders and try another run at it again.

10. Can I handle the single life?

Are you going to be OK without them?


Relationships are nasty, people are stressed the heck out with jobs, family, and everyday life. Some people just need a breather, need to take a step back. It's important you don't do something you might regret in the long run.

Either way, you'll find someone. There's a somebody for everyone.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first

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Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

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Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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